The Big "O": A Romantic Comedy

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Authors: H. Raven Rose
Tags: General Fiction
nothing to do with you,” Max added. Edwin shrugged.
    Victor looked hopeful at Max’s idea.
    “Yeah, that's what I think… well, I’m hoping, anyway,” Victor said.

Chapter 7
    I N HER MASTER BEDROOM, Emily was in a serious funk. Looking exhausted, unkempt, her hair uncombed and wearing shlubby clothes, she was entirely depressed. She looked like she could use a shower. Juliette, on the bed, watched as Isis assessed Emily's clothes, which were lying all over. Isis frowned as Emily bounced baby Max. She was good, but you had to have something to start with to do a makeover. Emily’s wardrobe was pretty much shot.
    “So what's up with you and Edwin?” Emily asked.
    “If I figure out his stratagem, I can plan a counter attack, dahlink,” Isis said and laughed.
    “Nice, a little Sun Tzu action,” Juliette said to Isis. At Emily's blank look she added, “ The Art of War , adapted for lovers, obviously.“
    Emily thought hard for a moment. Wow, she observed, I’ve become way less sharp since giving birth. She strained to remember the reference.
    “Yeah, it's all coming back to me,” Emily said.
    "’People should not be unfamiliar with strategy, those who understand it will survive, those who do not understand it will perish,’ right?” Emily said and Juliette nodded.
    “But why go to all of that trouble? I mean… clearly he loves you,” Emily said to Isis, “So that's not the issue.”
    “Doesn't every guy have a stratagem?” Isis asked Juliette.
    Juliette shrugged at the question.
    “You have to do something with your clothes. Everything is stretched out or has seriously nasty stains…” Juliette said to Emily.
    It was true. No matter how Isis mixed and matched the items taken from her wardrobe, or carefully held items up to the light, and thought about how to utilize the item in a cool outfit, Emily’s clothes, for the most part, looked tired, worn out, or unfashionable.
    “I know. It's gross,” Emily sighed, “It's either baby food, breast milk or spit up…”
    “C'est dégoûtant!” Isis said, her faced twisted with disgust.
    Emily picked up Max Jr. and kissed her baby’s neck.
    “Yeah. But he's so worth it,” Emily said.
    Isis grabbed the baby from Emily.
    “Well, you need to be mommy chic, for marketing success. Less curdled booby and more captivating beauty,” Isis said.
    “It seems really self-indulgent… to spend anything on myself. Things are really tight right now,” Emily said. Isis covered baby Max’s ears.
    “Well, darn the cost, you'd better stay lovely, my lovely friend, if you wanna keep your man,” Isis said, “It's a zoo out there. Beeyatches have no problem hunting and snatching husbands in the wild if they can’t find a male flying solo.”
    “It's true.The female of the species can be quite predatory,” Juliette said in a matter-of-fact purely analytical tone of voice.
    “So you get yourself a new beauty regimen, update your wardrobe a bit, and study up on some quick makeup and hair tricks. Sexy feels good, keeps your man happy and helps to co-create success. Do you truly want réussite?” Isis asked Emily.
    “Réussite,” repeated baby Max.
    “That's right, bébé. Success,” Isis said happily and snuggled the little boy.
    “You weren't joking about his development,” Juliette said to Emily. She sounded a little surprised.
    “It's hard to stop stimulating him…” Emily replied.
    “Why would you stop? But, honestly, this goes well beyond a baby who’s been stimulated and is performing for his parents to get positive reinforcement. I thought maybe you were overestimating his gifts; so many parents…” she said, and didn't finish her sentence.
    “Uh, Max's freaking about our little baby genius,” Isis declared.
    “Ah, the insecurity of men, encouraging children and women around the world to under-perform to maintain their mercurial peace of mind and oh-so fragile self-esteem,” Juliette said and laughed.
    “Let me analyze his development,”

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