Because proper, innocent girls went to services, didn’t they? Well, Pippa wasn’t in the mood. She might not ever be again. “I’m not feeling well, Harry. Go without me.”
“ Not feeling well?” Harry echoed. “You didn’t get foxed again, did you?”
A mirthless laugh escaped Pippa. She wished she could forget last night as easily as she’d forgotten the Heathfields’ ball. She wished she could wipe Jason William Alexander York, Earl of St. Austell from her mind, from her heart, completely.
Her door handle rattled. “Let me in, Pippa.” He had a determination to his voice, and she knew he wouldn’t go away until he got his way.
Pippa tossed her legs over the side of the bed and found them a little shaky as she rose to her feet. She crossed the floor, turned the key in her lock and opened her door.
“ This is the second time this week.” Harry gaped at her. “Do you like sleeping in your clothes?”
Pippa shook her head. “I never went to sleep.”
“ Well, that explains the circles under your eyes then.” He gently brushed his hand across her cheek. “Berks read you the riot act, did he? I am sorry. If I’d been here…”
Pippa shrugged. None of this was Berks’s fault. She was the fool, not their brother. “I just don’t think I’m cut out for London. I think Mary should pack my things and I should return to Warwickshire post haste.”
Harry frowned as though trying to sort her out. “But you were so excited for your first Season.”
“ And now I’m not. Will you talk to Berks for me? I’d like to leave as soon as possible.”
“ Did something happen?” Harry’s frown darkened.
But she couldn’t tell Harry. She couldn’t tell anyone about what an enormous fool she was. And she couldn’t stay in London. What if she saw Jas… St. Austell somewhere about Town? It would be like a dagger to her heart. She couldn’t bear it. “I just can’t stay here any longer.”
Harry’s jaw clenched, but he nodded his head. “You know you can tell me anything?”
But not this. Still she forced a smile to her face. “I know.”
Harry heaved a sigh. “In the very least, ring for Mary. Wash, put on new clothes and I’ll see what I can do.”
I couldn’t have lived knowing she was married to another man, that she would have shared another man’s bed, borne some other man’s children.
Jason glared into his empty coffee cup and cursed Heathfield with every breath he took. Those same damned words had echoed in his mind ever since his friend had muttered them last night. What an awful thought to put into his mind.
“ Coffee!” he barked, smacking the table with his palm. “I want some goddamned coffee!”
A moment later, a footman, coffee pot in hand, bustled into the breakfast room. “Coffee, milord?”
Jason gestured to his empty cup. “And I don’t want it to go empty. From now on, you’ll stand right there and you’ll to refill it before it can go dry. Do you understand?”
“ Y-yes, milord,” the man mumbled, pouring the coffee into the cup and splashing extra into the saucer for good measure.
Jason narrowed his eyes on the servant who sucked in an anguished breath.
“ Beg your pardon, milord.”
Jason waved him away. I couldn’t have lived knowing she was married to another man, that she would have shared another man’s bed, borne some other man’s children.
Damn, damn, damn.
Damn it to hell.
Pippa wasn’t about to marry some other man. No one else was courting her, were they? Other than that oaf Potsdon, anyway. Potsdon. Just the image of the man made Jason grind his teeth. Potsdon. What a fool. As though she would want to be known as Pippa Potsdon all of her life. Utterly ridiculous.
But what if it wasn’t ridiculous?
What if…
Well, eventually she would marry someone . Maybe not this Season, perhaps not the next. But eventually she would. And then what…?
And then she’d want to know everything about some other fellow. Some other man would
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