Read Online The Bachelorette Party by Karen McCullah Lutz - Free Book Online Page A

her mouth.
    “Why do you think you feel that way?” Oh, Lord. An exploration of her feelings. The very thing she hated. Why the hell had she come here?
    “Because everyone I know wants me to go out on a date. As
if that’s going to solve something.” Between Grey, Nancy, and Dorian, it was like an irritating song she couldn’t turn off. Her friends had all turned into Kylie Minogue.
    “And you don’t agree?” Dr. Reed asked.
    “No, I don’t agree. I think it will only make me more annoyed. I won’t have a good time, and I’ll end up wishing I was at home reading a book.”
    “So, you’ve already sabotaged any date you’ll go on by making up your mind that it will be bad?” Ooh, that was judgmental. Dr. Reed must be feeling feisty this morning. Do therapists argue with their husbands?
    “It will be bad. There’s no question in my mind. Either he won’t like me, which will be depressing, or I won’t like him and it’ll be painful to sit through dinner.”
    “What if you both like each other and have a delightful time?” And what if Jack happened to lie down behind her car so she could run him over? Good things like that just don’t happen.
    Dr. Reed leaned toward her. “Your self-esteem is in a low place right now. Understandably so. And as painful as it may sound, going on a date could help to raise it back up.” What?! She was on their side?
    “Or—going on a date could further lower my self-esteem to a new level of hell.”
    “There are no guarantees, but there are things you could do to stack the odds in your favor.” Dr. Reed crossed her legs and leaned back.
    “As in?”
    “Pick someone you feel comfortable with. Someone you’re not intimidated by.”
    “You’re telling me to go out with an ugly guy?” Zadie asked. She was paying for this?
    “I didn’t say that, but if you’re intimidated by good-looking men, then a less attractive date might be a good idea.”
    “I’m not intimidated by good-looking men. I’m just a little annoyed with their complete lack of humanity,” Zadie said, reaching for another butterscotch.
“I think you’re projecting your anger at Jack onto other men. Just because one good-looking man turned out to be a poor choice doesn’t mean they all will.”
    “Whoa, whoa, whoa—‘a poor choice’? That implies that I did something wrong just by going out with him.” Zadie put the butterscotch down, too pissed now to eat it.
    “Zadie, you didn’t do anything wrong. Sometimes we choose people who aren’t right for us. Sometimes we choose people who are.”
    “Uh-uh. You’re still putting the blame on me with that scenario. The fact is—I chose a perfectly decent guy who turned into a total shit.” Jack had been a good guy. Otherwise she wouldn’t have fallen so in love with him. That’s what upset her the most—the fact that that version of Jack no longer existed. She missed him.
    Dr. Reed nodded. “People can change. That’s true.”
    “So it’s not my fault,” Zadie said. Damn right it wasn’t.
    “That he changed? Of course it’s not your fault.”
    “Because you made it sound like I was supposed to take responsibility for it or something.”
    Dr. Reed took a sip of her tea. “Do you want to take responsibility for it?”
    “No.” Why would she?
    “Sometimes people take responsibility for the actions of others so they can feel like they have some control in the situation. A child of divorce for instance. ‘Daddy left because I was bad.’ That way, they don’t feel as helpless. It was their doing. But what starts out as a feeling of control turns into self-imposed guilt for something that was never their fault to begin with.”
    “And you think I’m doing that?” Zadie asked.
    “Are you?”
    Was she? She’d always denied that Jack’s transformation into the devil was her fault, but did she really believe that? Was it just her way of drowning out the voices in her head that said it was her fault? Had she driven him away? Or