Read Online Fear the Barfitron by M. D. Payne - Free Book Online

high.
    “So stop working there,” said Gordon. “I told you not to work so hard—that volunteer stuff is wack.”
    “No, wait!” I said. “I don’t mean that they’re
like
monsters. I mean they ARE monsters.”
    My friends stared at me with wide eyes.
    Shane, whose eyebrow had nearly flown off of his head at this point, opened his mouth and—
    “AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”
    A scream came from the lunch line.
    And this time, I wasn’t the only one who heard it.
    Students ran from the food counters. All the kids sitting at tables got up to get a better look.
    “That thing was HUGE,” someone yelled as he ran past our table.
    My heart began to race. I felt as if telling my friends about Raven Hill had somehow caused the scream.
    The Director is trying to get me to shut up,
I thought, while looking around for a raven.
    “Go on,” said Shane.
    Trying hard to ignore the commotion and the lump in my throat, I said, “Raven Hill Retirement Home is filled with old monsters. I’ve seen a few vampires. I’ve seen one, maybe two werewolves. I’ve seen, like, four witches. I actually don’t know how many of themare zombies. But, they’re all in the retirement home together—and I’m not sure why. But what I do know—they’re staying alive by eating a jar of my lebensplasm.”
    “Your what?” asked Ben
    “My lebensplasm!” I screamed, angry that nobody knew what I was talking about.
How do I explain it?
“I don’t know what it is. My energy? My soul? All I know is they’ve got it in a jar, and they’re eating it, and the jar is half full, and I have no idea what’s going to happen when it’s empty. I’m terrified that I’m going to die.”
    Gordon started laughing. He sounded like a hyena. Not that I was surprised. And even though he didn’t say anything, I could tell what Gordon was thinking:
Oh, my friend has finally lost his mind this time. Somebody call the loony bin.
    Kids continued to stream past us and out of the lunchroom. Only a few curious kids stayed behind, and all eyes were on the lunch lady. Behind the hot food counter, she was battling something on the floor with the broom. She swung wildly and screamed in Spanish, “
¡No va a escapar!
”
    “Wow,” said Shane. “Lunch Lady’s getting down to business!”
    Ben stopped a kid that was running out of the lunchroom.
    “What is it?” Ben asked.
    “A HUGE cockroach, dude!” exclaimed the kid, andhe made a disgusted face before running off, leaving the four of us as the only kids left in the lunchroom.
    “Ooh, a monster cockroach,” Gordon said. “Maybe he’s come to Rio Vista to eat your
blebenfleben
.”
    “See!” I said pointing toward the hairnetted head of the lunch lady zooming around behind the counters. “I saw a huge bug like that at Raven Hill that first day. I think it’s here for me.”
    “I was just joking,” said Gordon, who started laughing hysterically again.
    “This is serious,” I said, slamming my fist down on my tray, which made Gordon laugh even harder. “I need your help. I know where they’re keeping my lebensplasm—behind a booby-trapped door. If you guys help, we should be able to get it.”
    Ben looked at me. I could tell he didn’t believe me. But he looked like he wanted to so badly.
    Shane also looked like he thought I was crazy—but he was just too good a friend to say anything. He clapped Gordon on the back, which stopped his hyena laugh.
    “We’ll help you get your lebensplasm back. Just tell us what we need to do,” Shane announced.
    “Yeah,” said Ben. “I’m in.”
    “Fine,” said Gordon. “Let’s have a crazy adventure! Why not?!”
    I gave the guys the scoop on everything. The ravens. The Nurses. The Director. The Great Room. I wentover every detail of the Creepy Meeting. I described the layout of the retirement home. I described the monsters I had seen. Most importantly, I told them about DO NOT ENTER and the booby trap that almost fried me like chicken.
    If they hadn’t