Read Online The Bachelorette Party by Karen McCullah Lutz - Free Book Online Page B

had she just convinced herself that she’d driven him away in order to feel like a participant in the whole meltdown instead of a victim?
    Zadie sighed. “I don’t know.”
    “Now we’re on to something.” Dr. Reed smiled, making a note on her clipboard.
    Zadie’s head was starting to hurt. And her coffee was cold. Whatever they were on to was not something she cared to address at the moment.
    “When Jack didn’t show up at the wedding, you must’ve felt like you had no control over the situation.”
    “I didn’t.”
    “And that feeling, that lack of control, was mixed in with your grief and your anger and every other negative feeling you were experiencing at the time.”
    “I guess.” There were homicidal tendencies in the mix, but it was probably best not to bring that up now.
    “So it would only be natural to try to take that bad feeling—lack of control—and subjugate it by assigning yourself blame, which in essence, is your perception of control. You convince yourself that Jack’s rejection was your fault and now you’re back in control— you caused it. You’re the one who made it happen.”
    Zadie leaned her head back against the wall. “This is really depressing. You’re telling me that somehow I’ve blamed myself in order to make myself feel better?”
    Dr. Reed leaned forward. “But you don’t feel better. You feel worse.”
    “Agreed.” She felt like crap. Pretty much all the time.
    “That’s why you need to let it go.”
    “Let what go?” Zadie asked, looking back at the doctor.
    “Your false sense of control.”
    “Okay …”
    “Stop blaming yourself for what Jack did. You can take control of your life in other ways. More constructive ways.”
    “Any suggestions?” Zadie asked.
    “Go on a date.”
    And it was back to that.

nine
    When Zadie got to school, she stopped in the teachers’ lounge to stash her lunch in the fridge. She set it in the only space left, next to a Tupperware container full of ramen noodles that had been there as long as she’d been teaching. There was probably a colony of sea monkeys living in it by now, or some revolutionary cancercuring mold, but no one was brave enough to open it.
    As she made a cup of green tea, Nancy walked in, completely aglow. Coral lipstick on her big fake lips. “You will never believe the date I had last night.”
    “Let me guess. He took his penis out in the restaurant?”
    Nancy rolled her eyes at Zadie, indicating that she was clearly far too wise to date anyone of such ilk. “No … he was a perfect gentleman. It was the best second date I’ve ever had.”
    “Second date? Congratulations. What’s his name?” Zadie was neither impressed nor interested, but Nancy didn’t pick up on it.
    “Darryl.”
    Zadie bit her tongue. Did Nancy not realize that in the vast and far-reaching history of the world, there has never been a cool guy named Darryl?
    “And he has a brother named Doug who’s single, if you’re interested.”
    There were few things that Zadie was less interested in than Doug. The particulars of gum surgery, perhaps. How many miles to the gallon her car got. J.Lo’s love life.
    Nancy put her lunch in the fridge and shut it with a jaunty swish of her hip. Clearly in high spirits. “He’s thirty-five and he’s a software engineer.”
    Just as Zadie was about to decline, she had a thought. Doug was a harmless-sounding man whom she could possibly bring herself to have a meal with and, in the process, get Grey, Dorian, and Dr. Reed to shut up about the “you need to go on a date” thing.
    “Any visible defects?”
    “I haven’t seen him, but if he looks anything like Darryl, you’re a lucky girl.”
    Dolores got up from the table where she’d been downing a bowl of Lucky Charms. “Are you really considering this?” She didn’t say it in a judgmental way, she merely echoed Zadie’s own thoughts. Was she?
    “I think I am. Maybe it’s time.” Fuck, no, it wasn’t time, but she could go through