through me, however, the instant I felt Dev inside, was not satiation but pain. Pain so unexpected, pain so vivid, that I squeezed his shoulders and arched my pelvis away to be free of it.
Perhaps Dev mistook this reaction for pleasure, because he licked his tongue across my neck. âMeera,â he whispered, and rose until he was almost out, then plunged back deeper in. I tried once again to shrink away, but the ropes beneath me prevented my escape. âMeera,â Dev gasped, as he thrashed over me again and again. The charpoy began bucking to a new rhythm as its ropes cut into my skin.
Afterwards, he flopped onto the charpoy next to mine. âYouâre so wonderful,â he said. âI can hardly believe youâre mine. You look like your sister in so many ways, and yet you seem so much simpler inside.â He kissed me on the forehead and blew the candle out.
I stared at the night hanging outside the window. There was still no moon in sight. I felt the sting of rope burns on my back and remembered my mattress still lay on the floor somewhere. Did I have the energy to drag it back myself or should I ask Dev for help?
He lay quite still next to me, his face turned towards the ceiling. âDonât you wonder what sheâs doing right now?â he murmured. âRoopa. Whether sheâll be happy with the life sheâs chosen or think sheâs made a mistake?â He remained on his back for some moments, then turned over on his side.
I AWOKE BATHED IN LIGHT, and thought for an instant it was day, that I had survived the night. But then I saw the naked bulb in the ceiling shining in my faceâthe electricity had come back on at some point. Dev lay sprawled out on his stomach next to me, his mouth resting open on his hand, as though preparing to bite a knuckle in his sleep. A table fan whirred from a stool in the corner, twisting its head methodically from side to side like someone performing a neck exercise. Through the window, a railway station had materialized in the distance, its empty platforms glowing with a ghostly fluorescence.
There was a dark spot of blood on the petticoat I had put back on. My cheeks burned with embarrassment when I saw it. What if Dev had noticed it as well? I remembered the first time it had happened. âPay attention, because Iâll only show you once,â I heard Biji say as she tore off a piece from an old pajama and led me to the toilet. Why tonight, when it wasnât the right time of the month?
I got up to clean myself. Wrapping the sheet like a shawl over my blouse, I crept through the darkened room next to ours. Hema was snoring on a mattress near the outer door, but I was able to open it enough to just squeeze by. There was still no moon, but enough illumination from the street now for the dirt ground within the courtyard walls to gleam a peculiar yellow. An extra charpoy rested stacked against a wall, next to a hand-cranked pump, and the wooden post where Hema said they had once kept a cow tethered.
The toilet was built in one corner, a short cement stall raised three steps above the ground. An old cockroach, its wings bedraggled, shuffled into a crack next to the footrests when I turned on the light. Under a tap in the wall stood an empty tin of cooking oil, its top cut open so it could serve as a mug. A faint smell of phenol hovered in the air, trying vainly to conceal the underlying reek of waste.
I squatted and washed myself, then my petticoat, as best I could. There was less blood than I thoughtâcould it have been an injury received during the sexual act? I opened the door and stepped into the fresh air. Was this something recurrent one had to endure?
Standing at the bottom of the steps, his undershirt gleaming in the night, was Dev. I looked at him in surprise. âI just went toâ¦â I began to say, then stopped. The shadows on his face were thicker, the pattern of muscle more pronounced. The shoulders sprouted
Perhaps Dev mistook this reaction for pleasure, because he licked his tongue across my neck. âMeera,â he whispered, and rose until he was almost out, then plunged back deeper in. I tried once again to shrink away, but the ropes beneath me prevented my escape. âMeera,â Dev gasped, as he thrashed over me again and again. The charpoy began bucking to a new rhythm as its ropes cut into my skin.
Afterwards, he flopped onto the charpoy next to mine. âYouâre so wonderful,â he said. âI can hardly believe youâre mine. You look like your sister in so many ways, and yet you seem so much simpler inside.â He kissed me on the forehead and blew the candle out.
I stared at the night hanging outside the window. There was still no moon in sight. I felt the sting of rope burns on my back and remembered my mattress still lay on the floor somewhere. Did I have the energy to drag it back myself or should I ask Dev for help?
He lay quite still next to me, his face turned towards the ceiling. âDonât you wonder what sheâs doing right now?â he murmured. âRoopa. Whether sheâll be happy with the life sheâs chosen or think sheâs made a mistake?â He remained on his back for some moments, then turned over on his side.
I AWOKE BATHED IN LIGHT, and thought for an instant it was day, that I had survived the night. But then I saw the naked bulb in the ceiling shining in my faceâthe electricity had come back on at some point. Dev lay sprawled out on his stomach next to me, his mouth resting open on his hand, as though preparing to bite a knuckle in his sleep. A table fan whirred from a stool in the corner, twisting its head methodically from side to side like someone performing a neck exercise. Through the window, a railway station had materialized in the distance, its empty platforms glowing with a ghostly fluorescence.
There was a dark spot of blood on the petticoat I had put back on. My cheeks burned with embarrassment when I saw it. What if Dev had noticed it as well? I remembered the first time it had happened. âPay attention, because Iâll only show you once,â I heard Biji say as she tore off a piece from an old pajama and led me to the toilet. Why tonight, when it wasnât the right time of the month?
I got up to clean myself. Wrapping the sheet like a shawl over my blouse, I crept through the darkened room next to ours. Hema was snoring on a mattress near the outer door, but I was able to open it enough to just squeeze by. There was still no moon, but enough illumination from the street now for the dirt ground within the courtyard walls to gleam a peculiar yellow. An extra charpoy rested stacked against a wall, next to a hand-cranked pump, and the wooden post where Hema said they had once kept a cow tethered.
The toilet was built in one corner, a short cement stall raised three steps above the ground. An old cockroach, its wings bedraggled, shuffled into a crack next to the footrests when I turned on the light. Under a tap in the wall stood an empty tin of cooking oil, its top cut open so it could serve as a mug. A faint smell of phenol hovered in the air, trying vainly to conceal the underlying reek of waste.
I squatted and washed myself, then my petticoat, as best I could. There was less blood than I thoughtâcould it have been an injury received during the sexual act? I opened the door and stepped into the fresh air. Was this something recurrent one had to endure?
Standing at the bottom of the steps, his undershirt gleaming in the night, was Dev. I looked at him in surprise. âI just went toâ¦â I began to say, then stopped. The shadows on his face were thicker, the pattern of muscle more pronounced. The shoulders sprouted
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