Read Online The 1-2-3 Magic Workbook for Christian Parents: Effective Discipline for Children 2-12 by Thomas W. Phelan, Chris Webb - Free Book Online Page A
Authors: Thomas W. Phelan, Chris Webb
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After a while,
though, many parents succeed in training the children to the point where
the adults don’t have to say anything while counting. They simply hold
up the appropriate number of fingers while they continue their conversa-
tion! And the children respond because they know Mom or Dad means
business. If you have gotten to this point, it’s a mighty handy tactic to
use when you’re talking on the telephone.
15. Does being counted hurt the child’s self-esteem?
Most kids aren’t counted a lot, so the mere quantity of counts is usually
not a problem. Once you’ve gotten started at home, many children will
not get any counts for days at a time. In a regular education classroom,
on an average day, fewer than five children will get any count at all.
For those children who do get counted more often, if you are do-
ing the 1-2-3 correctly, there should be no significant threat of hurting
self-esteem. What will hurt youngsters’ self-esteem is all the yelling,
arguing, name-calling, belittling, sarcasm or hitting you may do if you
don’t control yourself and do the program right. In addition, as you will
see later, your overall feedback to your children should be much more
positive than negative. And one count is one bit of negative feedback.
Therefore, you will want to more than balance off your occasional count-
ing with other activities or strategies, such as affection, shared fun, active
listening and praise.
16. What if the kid wrecks the room during his so-called “rest
period”?
By far, the vast majority of children will not be room wreckers. Only a
small percentage of kids will throw things around and mess up the room.
An even smaller percentage of children will break things, tear their beds
TWENTY QUESTIONS 51
apart or kick holes in the wall. These kids do exist, however, and their
parents need to know how to handle these sometimes scary actions.
The whole point behind 1-2-3 Magic is that parents be ready for
anything, rather than feeling defensive and worrying, “Oh no, what is he
going to do now?” We want your attitude and message to the children
to be something like this: “You’re my child and I’m your parent. I love
you, and it’s my job to train and discipline you. I don’t expect you to be
perfect, and when you do do something wrong, this is what I will do.”
The credit for the solution to the room-wrecking problem comes
from a couple who visited my office a long time ago. They had an eight-
year-old boy who was very nice to me in my office, but—according to
his Mom and Dad—“hell on wheels” everywhere else. These parents said
they were thinking of putting this boy’s name on their mail box, because
it felt like he was running the house. They often referred to their son as
“King Louis XIV.”
This behavior obviously couldn’t go on, so I asked these parents if
they wanted to learn 1-2-3 Magic . They said yes. I taught them the pro-
gram, prepared them for testing and manipulation and they went home to
get started. This boy had been used to running the house—but little did
he know, when his parents got home they were ready for him.
When King Louis hit 3 for the first time, he could not believe
what happened. How his parents got him to his room for his first “rest
period” is still a mystery, but when he got there, he totally—and I mean
totally—trashed the place. His first tactic, and perhaps the favorite of all
room wreckers—was to empty his dresser and throw his clothes al over the
floor. Then he ripped the blankets and sheets off his bed. Next he pushed
the mattress and box springs off the bed frame. Then he proceeded to his
closet, took out all his hanging clothes, and one by one threw them all
over the room. After that, all his toys were flung out of the closet. Finally,
he went to the window and tore down his curtains.
What did his parents do? Amazingly, they never called me. The
first thing they did was
though, many parents succeed in training the children to the point where
the adults don’t have to say anything while counting. They simply hold
up the appropriate number of fingers while they continue their conversa-
tion! And the children respond because they know Mom or Dad means
business. If you have gotten to this point, it’s a mighty handy tactic to
use when you’re talking on the telephone.
15. Does being counted hurt the child’s self-esteem?
Most kids aren’t counted a lot, so the mere quantity of counts is usually
not a problem. Once you’ve gotten started at home, many children will
not get any counts for days at a time. In a regular education classroom,
on an average day, fewer than five children will get any count at all.
For those children who do get counted more often, if you are do-
ing the 1-2-3 correctly, there should be no significant threat of hurting
self-esteem. What will hurt youngsters’ self-esteem is all the yelling,
arguing, name-calling, belittling, sarcasm or hitting you may do if you
don’t control yourself and do the program right. In addition, as you will
see later, your overall feedback to your children should be much more
positive than negative. And one count is one bit of negative feedback.
Therefore, you will want to more than balance off your occasional count-
ing with other activities or strategies, such as affection, shared fun, active
listening and praise.
16. What if the kid wrecks the room during his so-called “rest
period”?
By far, the vast majority of children will not be room wreckers. Only a
small percentage of kids will throw things around and mess up the room.
An even smaller percentage of children will break things, tear their beds
TWENTY QUESTIONS 51
apart or kick holes in the wall. These kids do exist, however, and their
parents need to know how to handle these sometimes scary actions.
The whole point behind 1-2-3 Magic is that parents be ready for
anything, rather than feeling defensive and worrying, “Oh no, what is he
going to do now?” We want your attitude and message to the children
to be something like this: “You’re my child and I’m your parent. I love
you, and it’s my job to train and discipline you. I don’t expect you to be
perfect, and when you do do something wrong, this is what I will do.”
The credit for the solution to the room-wrecking problem comes
from a couple who visited my office a long time ago. They had an eight-
year-old boy who was very nice to me in my office, but—according to
his Mom and Dad—“hell on wheels” everywhere else. These parents said
they were thinking of putting this boy’s name on their mail box, because
it felt like he was running the house. They often referred to their son as
“King Louis XIV.”
This behavior obviously couldn’t go on, so I asked these parents if
they wanted to learn 1-2-3 Magic . They said yes. I taught them the pro-
gram, prepared them for testing and manipulation and they went home to
get started. This boy had been used to running the house—but little did
he know, when his parents got home they were ready for him.
When King Louis hit 3 for the first time, he could not believe
what happened. How his parents got him to his room for his first “rest
period” is still a mystery, but when he got there, he totally—and I mean
totally—trashed the place. His first tactic, and perhaps the favorite of all
room wreckers—was to empty his dresser and throw his clothes al over the
floor. Then he ripped the blankets and sheets off his bed. Next he pushed
the mattress and box springs off the bed frame. Then he proceeded to his
closet, took out all his hanging clothes, and one by one threw them all
over the room. After that, all his toys were flung out of the closet. Finally,
he went to the window and tore down his curtains.
What did his parents do? Amazingly, they never called me. The
first thing they did was
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