Read Online Tender Vow by Sharlene MacLaren - Free Book Online

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    Within the hour, her mother came by to pick up the kids, scooping up little Johnny and taking Meagan by the hand. Rachel followed them out to the car with the diaper bag and Meagan’s little “Going to Grandma’s” suitcase. She hugged them and kissed their soft cheeks, buckled them in place, and then stood in the rain, waving and watching, until they disappeared around the bend. After that, she scuffled back into the house, but the sudden quiet didn’t afford her the immediate relief she sought. Instead, it produced an intense heaviness, like the sensation of being wrapped in a wool blanket on a warm night, prickly and oppressed.
    Oh, for a strong hand—someone purposeful and levelheaded. Yes, she had her loving parents, but they tended to coddle her and try to fix everything, and, when they failed, they grew fretful, weighing down even more her already weary shoulders. Her in-laws were great, but they had lost their son. How could she look to them for courage when they needed it about as much as she did? This was true of her mother-in-law, in particular. Her father-in-law possessed an uncanny strength, but with it came a certain firmness that made Rachel leery. He loved her, yes, but from afar, always expressing deep regard for her well-being but never quite knowing the right words to say. Even her best friend, Allie, had no clue how to help. When it came down to it, no one did.
    Lately, she worried about everything: her children, her inability to parent, her confusion about the future, her lack of energy. Why, even her milk production had slowed, increasing her feelings of inadequacy and forcing her to start using formula, which wasn’t all bad, just another disappointment. And then, there was the matter of her morose spirit, which produced the disquieting notion that haunted her in the middle of each sleepless night—the thought that her children might be better off without her.
    The phone rang at nine thirty, rousing her from the place on the couch where she’d planted herself several hours before. Immediately, she worried that something terrible had happened. What kind of mother was she not to have called to check on her children?
    She snagged the phone after it rang a second time. “Mom? Are the kids all right?”
    “Rachel?” She recognized the voice instantly—calm, quiet, temperate. Ever so briefly, her shoulders sagged with relief before agitation set in. She couldn’t think of anyone she wanted to talk to less than Jason Evans. Forcing out a greeting seemed as if it would take the same amount of energy required to push a wheelbarrow full of rocks up a steep incline.
    “Are you there?”
    She breathed a sigh. “Yes.”
    “What’s going on? Is everything okay?”
    “Everything’s fine. What do you want?”
    “Hello to you, too. Did I wake you up or something? You sound groggy.”
    Glancing across the room, she noticed that the television was on, but the sound was off. She had no recollection of pressing the mute button. “I…I was just resting.”
    “Long day?” he asked.
    Another sigh leaked out. “I guess.”
    “So, the kids are at your mom’s, I presume?”
    She could have kicked her own behind for not checking the caller ID before picking up the phone. “Yeah. I needed a little break.”
    “That seems reasonable. It must be hard playing the parts of both parents.”
    “Jason, what do you want?” she repeated.
    The pause on the other end unnerved her. “I want to help, Rach. I think John would want it. He’d even expect it.”
    She folded her lower lip between her teeth and applied pressure as he continued. “This has been hard on me, too, Rachel. I lost my only brother and my best friend, and, some days, my heart feels like it’s been stomped on by a herd of hippos. But I put one foot in front of the other and keep on going. It’s been tough returning home, facing reality, but I’m back, Rachel, and I’m availing myself to you. I mean it. I want to do what I