bread and, trying to sound casual, mumbled, “Something happen today?”
He stirred his spaghetti around his plate. “No.”
Kate hesitated. They were good friends, but she usually stayed away from the-inner-life-of-Eddie-Bent territory. But there was pain vibrating beneath the surface of his rumpled exterior. She sipped her water. “So what’s up?”
He patted his pocket. Then dropped his hand. She wasn’t sure if he hadn’t pulled out his cigarettes out of courtesy to her, or if he belatedly remembered Randall’s strict prohibition on smoking in his house. The silence between them reminded Kate of when she was little and would sit outside at twilight, holding her breath and wondering if the crickets would sing.
Eddie pushed his chair away from the counter. It scraped against the floor. He made to rise, but then slumped against the back of his chair. “It’s my anniversary today.”
Oh…
Kate’s heart constricted. Eddie never talked about his wife, but it was love, not hate, that stilled his tongue.
“I’m sorry.” Kate put her hand on Eddie’s arm.
He gave her a bleak smile. “So am I.”
“Have you spoken to her recently?” Kate asked.
He shook his head. “She told me not to call her.”
“But she knows you are going to AA and everything, right, Eddie?”
I know what you are trying to suggest, but it is too late, his eyes said.
“She knows you’re practicing again, right?”
He shrugged. “I’m sending her checks for Brianna’s support, so I presume she has put two and two together.”
“Maybe she hasn’t… .”
He ran a hand over his breast pocket, his fingers caressing the shape of the cigarette package. He pushed his fingers through his hair. “It doesn’t matter, Kate. She doesn’t love me anymore.”
He said it simply. Matter-of-factly. Without an ounce of self-pity or anger.
But the pain in those shrewd, nonjudgmental eyes of his killed Kate.
“I’m sorry, Eddie.” Kate didn’t know what else to say.
“Don’t be, Kate. It was my fault.”
Anger at this unknown woman and the pain she was causing this man who was trying so hard to put his life back together shot through Kate. “What about forgiveness? Isn’t the word in Elaine’s vocabulary?”
“It was once,” Eddie said. “But I’ve had to ask for it too many times, Kate. Every time you ask, it loses its elasticity. Eventually it just snaps like a worn rubber band.”
He reached into his breast pocket and pulled out his cigarette pack. “If you will excuse me, I need to obscure my thoughts in a haze of smoke… .”
Kate hated to see her friend kill himself on cigarettes—
he’d started wheezing lately on stairs, and she had promised herself that she would wean him off them this year—but at that moment, she was grateful for anything to help him forget.
“Go ahead. I’ll wash up.”
There wasn’t a lot to do. For a man so disheveled, Eddie was a surprisingly orderly cook. Kate loaded the dishes into the dishwasher, put away the leftovers and cleaned the counters.
It was strange to think that eight months ago, she had stood in this kitchen with a different man, a man so tortured that he had thrown a phone through the window, a man so haunted that he had taken his children to New York… .
Had he called?
She had left her cell phone at home. Deliberately. So she couldn’t obsessively check it for messages.
For God’s sake, Kate, stop acting like you’re in high school.
She hung up the dish towel and walked out to the front porch. It was strange that Eddie didn’t sit in Randall’s back garden to smoke, but Kate guessed that Eddie needed to look outward.
The dogs lounged by his feet. Both thumped their tails, a lazy drumming on the porch boards, as Kate lowered herself into the matching Adirondack chair.
“I never asked you how you are doing on the drunk-driving case.”
Eddie knew her history. He knew the challenge for Kate to stay objective.
“It’s going fine. I’m hoping they’ll settle. But today I met with
He stirred his spaghetti around his plate. “No.”
Kate hesitated. They were good friends, but she usually stayed away from the-inner-life-of-Eddie-Bent territory. But there was pain vibrating beneath the surface of his rumpled exterior. She sipped her water. “So what’s up?”
He patted his pocket. Then dropped his hand. She wasn’t sure if he hadn’t pulled out his cigarettes out of courtesy to her, or if he belatedly remembered Randall’s strict prohibition on smoking in his house. The silence between them reminded Kate of when she was little and would sit outside at twilight, holding her breath and wondering if the crickets would sing.
Eddie pushed his chair away from the counter. It scraped against the floor. He made to rise, but then slumped against the back of his chair. “It’s my anniversary today.”
Oh…
Kate’s heart constricted. Eddie never talked about his wife, but it was love, not hate, that stilled his tongue.
“I’m sorry.” Kate put her hand on Eddie’s arm.
He gave her a bleak smile. “So am I.”
“Have you spoken to her recently?” Kate asked.
He shook his head. “She told me not to call her.”
“But she knows you are going to AA and everything, right, Eddie?”
I know what you are trying to suggest, but it is too late, his eyes said.
“She knows you’re practicing again, right?”
He shrugged. “I’m sending her checks for Brianna’s support, so I presume she has put two and two together.”
“Maybe she hasn’t… .”
He ran a hand over his breast pocket, his fingers caressing the shape of the cigarette package. He pushed his fingers through his hair. “It doesn’t matter, Kate. She doesn’t love me anymore.”
He said it simply. Matter-of-factly. Without an ounce of self-pity or anger.
But the pain in those shrewd, nonjudgmental eyes of his killed Kate.
“I’m sorry, Eddie.” Kate didn’t know what else to say.
“Don’t be, Kate. It was my fault.”
Anger at this unknown woman and the pain she was causing this man who was trying so hard to put his life back together shot through Kate. “What about forgiveness? Isn’t the word in Elaine’s vocabulary?”
“It was once,” Eddie said. “But I’ve had to ask for it too many times, Kate. Every time you ask, it loses its elasticity. Eventually it just snaps like a worn rubber band.”
He reached into his breast pocket and pulled out his cigarette pack. “If you will excuse me, I need to obscure my thoughts in a haze of smoke… .”
Kate hated to see her friend kill himself on cigarettes—
he’d started wheezing lately on stairs, and she had promised herself that she would wean him off them this year—but at that moment, she was grateful for anything to help him forget.
“Go ahead. I’ll wash up.”
There wasn’t a lot to do. For a man so disheveled, Eddie was a surprisingly orderly cook. Kate loaded the dishes into the dishwasher, put away the leftovers and cleaned the counters.
It was strange to think that eight months ago, she had stood in this kitchen with a different man, a man so tortured that he had thrown a phone through the window, a man so haunted that he had taken his children to New York… .
Had he called?
She had left her cell phone at home. Deliberately. So she couldn’t obsessively check it for messages.
For God’s sake, Kate, stop acting like you’re in high school.
She hung up the dish towel and walked out to the front porch. It was strange that Eddie didn’t sit in Randall’s back garden to smoke, but Kate guessed that Eddie needed to look outward.
The dogs lounged by his feet. Both thumped their tails, a lazy drumming on the porch boards, as Kate lowered herself into the matching Adirondack chair.
“I never asked you how you are doing on the drunk-driving case.”
Eddie knew her history. He knew the challenge for Kate to stay objective.
“It’s going fine. I’m hoping they’ll settle. But today I met with
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