Read Online Talk to Strangers: How Everyday, Random Encounters Can Expand Your Business, Career, Income, and Life by David Topus - Free Book Online Page B
Authors: David Topus
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corporation, a stay-at-home dad who hasn’t worked outside the house in five years, or a full-time college student.
Even though your goal is to determine whether there is a basis for a continued relationship, no one likes to feel as if he or she is being used for influence or authority, especially by a presumed stranger. Therefore, your initial approach is paramount to random connecting success.
Although most people in public venues are available to some degree and can be met, you must still be sensitive to people’s situations. People give clues about how available they are; sometimes those clues are obvious and sometimes, less so. But the clues are there, and effective random connectors observe those signals and monitor their approach accordingly.
You will know quickly whether this is someone who’s available for meeting. The person will either respond openly or shut down the conversation with a curt response. Growling, snarling, and reddening in the face are generally indications that the person is not interested in meeting anyone.
Although turning random connections into productive relationships presupposes an outcome, we have to be respectful toward all those we encounter. Yes, you have a goal, but unlike a heat-seeking missile that finds its target but might destroy everything in its path along the way, you will drive gently toward your destination as a successful random connector. We all want to be regarded by others, and no one wants to feel as if he or she is being used only for influence and connections. So although you may have a goal in mind, you want to find your way there gently, preserving the relationship while ultimately discovering opportunity.
Chapter at a Glance
People in situations designed for networking offer implied agreement to meet.
People are likely to be more cynical of being approached by a stranger in making random connections than in situations designed for meeting.
How you approach someone makes all the difference in the response you get.
Avoid the creep factor—not theirs, yours!
First assess the other person’s level of receptivity based on obvious and subtle clues.
Don’t be afraid to allow a few seconds of silence before and between sentences.
Chapter 14
Seize the Moment
Based on your assessment of the other person’s level of availability combined with your degree of readiness, there is that split second during which you initiate contact. This is that instant when you transition from complete stranger into a potential relationship. It happens when one of you says something to the other. And there is always something to say when you want to connect. The key is choosing a phrase or greeting that will engage and resonate with the other person.
Once you are in close enough proximity to someone to talk—and once you have assessed the other person’s willingness to converse—what you say will depend on a variety of factors. Sometimes you can use scripted opening lines, statements, or questions that will initiate conversation in just about any venue or situation. For example, I think people have been talking to one another about the weather ever since we have been able to utter the words, “Looks like rain on the way” and “Beautiful day, huh?” Although this is okay for starters, it’s rather trite and overused, and it generally doesn’t lead to a productive follow-on conversation. Ideally, you will want to capture the freshness of the moment, commenting or remarking on something that is happening around you both (other than the weather). It is a discovery process from that point on, one where you guide the interaction toward finding out about each other and discovering whether there is a basis for further communication.
The key to making opening statements is in saying something appropriate to the moment, something that will connect you with the other person and ideally begin
Even though your goal is to determine whether there is a basis for a continued relationship, no one likes to feel as if he or she is being used for influence or authority, especially by a presumed stranger. Therefore, your initial approach is paramount to random connecting success.
Although most people in public venues are available to some degree and can be met, you must still be sensitive to people’s situations. People give clues about how available they are; sometimes those clues are obvious and sometimes, less so. But the clues are there, and effective random connectors observe those signals and monitor their approach accordingly.
You will know quickly whether this is someone who’s available for meeting. The person will either respond openly or shut down the conversation with a curt response. Growling, snarling, and reddening in the face are generally indications that the person is not interested in meeting anyone.
Although turning random connections into productive relationships presupposes an outcome, we have to be respectful toward all those we encounter. Yes, you have a goal, but unlike a heat-seeking missile that finds its target but might destroy everything in its path along the way, you will drive gently toward your destination as a successful random connector. We all want to be regarded by others, and no one wants to feel as if he or she is being used only for influence and connections. So although you may have a goal in mind, you want to find your way there gently, preserving the relationship while ultimately discovering opportunity.
Chapter at a Glance
People in situations designed for networking offer implied agreement to meet.
People are likely to be more cynical of being approached by a stranger in making random connections than in situations designed for meeting.
How you approach someone makes all the difference in the response you get.
Avoid the creep factor—not theirs, yours!
First assess the other person’s level of receptivity based on obvious and subtle clues.
Don’t be afraid to allow a few seconds of silence before and between sentences.
Chapter 14
Seize the Moment
Based on your assessment of the other person’s level of availability combined with your degree of readiness, there is that split second during which you initiate contact. This is that instant when you transition from complete stranger into a potential relationship. It happens when one of you says something to the other. And there is always something to say when you want to connect. The key is choosing a phrase or greeting that will engage and resonate with the other person.
Once you are in close enough proximity to someone to talk—and once you have assessed the other person’s willingness to converse—what you say will depend on a variety of factors. Sometimes you can use scripted opening lines, statements, or questions that will initiate conversation in just about any venue or situation. For example, I think people have been talking to one another about the weather ever since we have been able to utter the words, “Looks like rain on the way” and “Beautiful day, huh?” Although this is okay for starters, it’s rather trite and overused, and it generally doesn’t lead to a productive follow-on conversation. Ideally, you will want to capture the freshness of the moment, commenting or remarking on something that is happening around you both (other than the weather). It is a discovery process from that point on, one where you guide the interaction toward finding out about each other and discovering whether there is a basis for further communication.
The key to making opening statements is in saying something appropriate to the moment, something that will connect you with the other person and ideally begin
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