Read Online Talk to Strangers: How Everyday, Random Encounters Can Expand Your Business, Career, Income, and Life by David Topus - Free Book Online Page A
Authors: David Topus
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other person’s creep factor, but yours . Although there is often some initial unease (even in traditional networking events) on the other person’s part about whether approaching another person is legit, this concern is heightened in random connecting. You don’t want to come on too strong; rather, you want to ease into the interaction. You wouldn’t turn to someone at a coffee shop and say, “I know you’re here to get a cup of java but I’m trying to find a job, so if you don’t mind, may I ask where you work, what you do, and if you have any authority to hire?” Although that might work occasionally, it will not work most of the time. It’s too bold, in your face—and too early in the conversation to pose those kinds of questions.
The first thing to do when approaching a complete stranger with whom you want to connect is to simply assess the situation and person. Does the person seem receptive? Has he or she smiled or somehow acknowledged you in a welcoming way? Did the person make a nonverbal gesture of receptivity? If so, and it feels right to say something, go for it. Break the ice with a comment or question that creates a pathway to conversation (see Chapter 14 for examples of these).
Here are some guidelines for gauging when and how to approach someone when making a random encounter. . .
When the other person. . . Approach freely
Initiates a conversation with you
Makes eye contact/smiles/gestures
Is standing or sitting facing you
Is wearing or carrying something with company logo or other easy identification
Is not immersed in personal technology
Is talking to someone loudly enough that you can hear them
Is making him- or herself obvious (i.e., sitting in the center of the room or near most of the activity)
When the other person. . . Approach, but cautiously
Is working on a laptop in a public place
Is talking on a cell phone in a public place
Is reading
Responds to your opening statement but doesn’t keep the conversation going
When the other person. . . Avoid completely
Is working on a laptop in a private place
Is talking on a cell phone in a private place
Avoids eye contact
Is wearing headphones or eye covers
Is under a blanket
If you’re not quite sure what to do or say, the best thing to do when you are within talking range might simply be to allow a moment or two to pass without saying anything. By not filling those few seconds with words, you dissolve the defensiveness that others sometimes have when strangers approach. Coming across as too eager to connect can seem intrusive and inhibit the interaction before it even begins. We all know from our own experience that nobody likes to feel like the person befriending us is too overeager. There’s a lot to be said for subtlety, that is, allowing some space between the initial proximity and the first comment and between the first utterance and the next remark in the conversation thread. Sometimes a few seconds is all it takes.
Making a comfortable connection with a complete stranger is much like volleying in tennis; there is a serve and then a return. The person who is serving hits the ball gently across the net directly to the other person, so the receiver needn’t work hard to return it. You can then gauge what kind of player you have on the other side of the court—and how motivated that person is to play—based on how the ball comes back across the net.
You want to come across as neutral when you’re connecting randomly. You must exude a nonthreatening, friendly, and authentic air. You will want to be curious as well, first in general, then as a natural extension of the conversation, and ultimately about what this person does for a living. And after all, you are curious, since you are simply gathering information at this point. You don’t know if this person is in between assignments with the Peace Corps, the CEO of a major
The first thing to do when approaching a complete stranger with whom you want to connect is to simply assess the situation and person. Does the person seem receptive? Has he or she smiled or somehow acknowledged you in a welcoming way? Did the person make a nonverbal gesture of receptivity? If so, and it feels right to say something, go for it. Break the ice with a comment or question that creates a pathway to conversation (see Chapter 14 for examples of these).
Here are some guidelines for gauging when and how to approach someone when making a random encounter. . .
When the other person. . . Approach freely
Initiates a conversation with you
Makes eye contact/smiles/gestures
Is standing or sitting facing you
Is wearing or carrying something with company logo or other easy identification
Is not immersed in personal technology
Is talking to someone loudly enough that you can hear them
Is making him- or herself obvious (i.e., sitting in the center of the room or near most of the activity)
When the other person. . . Approach, but cautiously
Is working on a laptop in a public place
Is talking on a cell phone in a public place
Is reading
Responds to your opening statement but doesn’t keep the conversation going
When the other person. . . Avoid completely
Is working on a laptop in a private place
Is talking on a cell phone in a private place
Avoids eye contact
Is wearing headphones or eye covers
Is under a blanket
If you’re not quite sure what to do or say, the best thing to do when you are within talking range might simply be to allow a moment or two to pass without saying anything. By not filling those few seconds with words, you dissolve the defensiveness that others sometimes have when strangers approach. Coming across as too eager to connect can seem intrusive and inhibit the interaction before it even begins. We all know from our own experience that nobody likes to feel like the person befriending us is too overeager. There’s a lot to be said for subtlety, that is, allowing some space between the initial proximity and the first comment and between the first utterance and the next remark in the conversation thread. Sometimes a few seconds is all it takes.
Making a comfortable connection with a complete stranger is much like volleying in tennis; there is a serve and then a return. The person who is serving hits the ball gently across the net directly to the other person, so the receiver needn’t work hard to return it. You can then gauge what kind of player you have on the other side of the court—and how motivated that person is to play—based on how the ball comes back across the net.
You want to come across as neutral when you’re connecting randomly. You must exude a nonthreatening, friendly, and authentic air. You will want to be curious as well, first in general, then as a natural extension of the conversation, and ultimately about what this person does for a living. And after all, you are curious, since you are simply gathering information at this point. You don’t know if this person is in between assignments with the Peace Corps, the CEO of a major
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