Read Online TALES FROM THE SCRIPT: THE BEHIND-THE-CAMERA ADVENTURES OF A TV COMEDY WRITER by Gene Perret - Free Book Online
Authors: Gene Perret
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guest star performances.
The production schedule on situation comedies was pretty much
the same as the variety shows. They began with the table reading.
Then, the cast rehearsed, taped the show, and then the process started
over again for the following week’s show. However, the writing protocol was slightly different.
Many situation comedies were written on a freelance basis. Writers sold the show one episode at a time. The process began with the
pitch session. That was where a team of writers were invited into the
producers’ offices to present story ideas. Then, the producers either
rejected the ideas or bought one.
if the writers made a sale, they were usually invited to turn in an
outline. From that, the producers took notes, usually scheduled another meeting, and handed the writers suggested rewrites.
The writers then wrote the script for the entire episode.
The original writers then were generally out of the loop. Any rewrites required after that were handled by the in-house writing staff.
The in-house writing staff was writers working permanently on
the specific sitcom. They occasionally wrote episodes for the show,
but in that capacity, they functioned and were paid as freelance contributors. However, their main function on the show was comparable to staff writers on a variety show. They attended rehearsals, took
notes, offered suggestions, and did those rewrites that were required
after the freelance writers were no longer involved.
Specials:
Specials were . . . special. Each one was handled however the producers wanted to handle them. The writing took any form that fit the
producers’ concept. Because of that, it was hard to define any single
procedure.
That’s a brief analysis of what television comedy writing entailed.
Of course, as i mentioned, i knew none of that on the day i arrived in
Hollywood.
Chapter Seven
Engineer in Hollywood
The day i arrived in California, i sent Phyllis Diller a telegram: “Have
been in Hollywood for two hours. not yet a star. Please advise.”
This was a strange world to me, and i must have seemed even
stranger to it. Hollywood was a place for beautiful and talented people with lofty aspirations. i was an engineer falling through the looking glass into Wonderland. On my first day at work, i wore a white
shirt and tie. The other writers did not wear white shirts and ties; they
did not even own white shirts and ties.
Years later, when i was on The Carol Burnett Show staff, another
writer was going to be married. He borrowed a suit, tie, and shirt
from the wardrobe department for his Saturday nuptials, and then he
returned the strange apparel when he returned to work.
More offensive than the shirt and tie, though, was the pocket protector that i wore—the kind that nerds wore. The mechanical pencils that i
carried in it were arranged by colors. The black pencil that we engineers
used for our drafting work was to the left. To the right of that was the red
pencil that signified a deletion on our electrical drawings. To the right of
that was the yellow pencil that we used for marking additions.
The shirt, tie, and strategically organized pocket protector went
61
after the first day at the writing offices. i can take a joke as well as
anybody, but i could not endure 743 of them a day.
Even out of uniform, i was still an engineer. The producers had
me share an office with a more experienced writer. i asked him,
“When do we go to lunch?”
He said, “Whenever.”
i asked, “How long do we get for lunch?”
He said, “As long as you want.”
i looked confused and almost offended by that freedom. i wanted
supervision, someone to guide my actions.
He noticed and said to me, “Schmuck, you’re a big shot now.
Start acting like one.”
it wasn’t easy for me. Though i bought new clothes—what i
thought would be more appropriate clothes—my fellow writers still
kidded me about my dress. One day after lunch, i noted on my desk
calendar how much
The production schedule on situation comedies was pretty much
the same as the variety shows. They began with the table reading.
Then, the cast rehearsed, taped the show, and then the process started
over again for the following week’s show. However, the writing protocol was slightly different.
Many situation comedies were written on a freelance basis. Writers sold the show one episode at a time. The process began with the
pitch session. That was where a team of writers were invited into the
producers’ offices to present story ideas. Then, the producers either
rejected the ideas or bought one.
if the writers made a sale, they were usually invited to turn in an
outline. From that, the producers took notes, usually scheduled another meeting, and handed the writers suggested rewrites.
The writers then wrote the script for the entire episode.
The original writers then were generally out of the loop. Any rewrites required after that were handled by the in-house writing staff.
The in-house writing staff was writers working permanently on
the specific sitcom. They occasionally wrote episodes for the show,
but in that capacity, they functioned and were paid as freelance contributors. However, their main function on the show was comparable to staff writers on a variety show. They attended rehearsals, took
notes, offered suggestions, and did those rewrites that were required
after the freelance writers were no longer involved.
Specials:
Specials were . . . special. Each one was handled however the producers wanted to handle them. The writing took any form that fit the
producers’ concept. Because of that, it was hard to define any single
procedure.
That’s a brief analysis of what television comedy writing entailed.
Of course, as i mentioned, i knew none of that on the day i arrived in
Hollywood.
Chapter Seven
Engineer in Hollywood
The day i arrived in California, i sent Phyllis Diller a telegram: “Have
been in Hollywood for two hours. not yet a star. Please advise.”
This was a strange world to me, and i must have seemed even
stranger to it. Hollywood was a place for beautiful and talented people with lofty aspirations. i was an engineer falling through the looking glass into Wonderland. On my first day at work, i wore a white
shirt and tie. The other writers did not wear white shirts and ties; they
did not even own white shirts and ties.
Years later, when i was on The Carol Burnett Show staff, another
writer was going to be married. He borrowed a suit, tie, and shirt
from the wardrobe department for his Saturday nuptials, and then he
returned the strange apparel when he returned to work.
More offensive than the shirt and tie, though, was the pocket protector that i wore—the kind that nerds wore. The mechanical pencils that i
carried in it were arranged by colors. The black pencil that we engineers
used for our drafting work was to the left. To the right of that was the red
pencil that signified a deletion on our electrical drawings. To the right of
that was the yellow pencil that we used for marking additions.
The shirt, tie, and strategically organized pocket protector went
61
after the first day at the writing offices. i can take a joke as well as
anybody, but i could not endure 743 of them a day.
Even out of uniform, i was still an engineer. The producers had
me share an office with a more experienced writer. i asked him,
“When do we go to lunch?”
He said, “Whenever.”
i asked, “How long do we get for lunch?”
He said, “As long as you want.”
i looked confused and almost offended by that freedom. i wanted
supervision, someone to guide my actions.
He noticed and said to me, “Schmuck, you’re a big shot now.
Start acting like one.”
it wasn’t easy for me. Though i bought new clothes—what i
thought would be more appropriate clothes—my fellow writers still
kidded me about my dress. One day after lunch, i noted on my desk
calendar how much
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