Read Online Tales from the Emergency Room by FAAAAI MD William E. Hermance - Free Book Online
Authors: FAAAAI MD William E. Hermance
Ads: Link
afternoon and evening I had had an especially difficult time with a woman who was intoxicated. She was eventually placed “under the sink”. As I left to go home I must have expressed my exasperation with this patient to the people coming on shift.
When I arrived for my shift the next morning I was greeted by several of my “colleagues” who were standing by the wheelchair in which they had placed my by now very hung over patient. Thus, I would have to deal with the lady for several more hours. They thought that this was very funny and eagerly awaited my reaction. They were not disappointed since now I was even more exasperated with them than with the patient. My friend eventually was able to leave the ER and thankfully did not return that evening!
If I Am Found Dead . . .
Behind the staff doing their paperwork in the original Roosevelt Hospital Emergency Room was a large plate glass window overlooking a fairly large waiting room. On my first day as a resident in medicine assigned to the ER, while I was finishing up a chart, I noticed a commotion in the waiting room. It revolved around a woman who seemed to be having a sudden problem of some sort. She was taken into the nearest room, the minor OR, and settled on the table there. The nurse in charge directed me, specifically, to attend to the patient. I did a thorough exam after listening to her complaints and then went over things again because I could not find evidence of a medical problem. I assumed that was because of lack of experience on my part. I reported my lack of findings to the head nurse. We agreed that the patient should remain in the waiting room for a time so that she could be observed. Shortly thereafter as I checked through the glass window I saw that the woman was writing on a long slip of paper which, I later found out, she kept in her bra instead of her pocketbook. What was she doing I inquired of the nurse. Barely able to contain herself, the nurse explained that the patient recognized me as new to the ER and she had gone into her usual act when she spotted a new doctor. She was adding me to the list of all the medical personnel including nurses who had also not found anything wrong with her. It was labeled, “If I am found dead, the following people killed me.” The first name on the list was the very same nurse I was working with that evening who had worked in the ER for many years. Over the next few years, I got to know this “patient” quite well. She often said her rosary in the waiting room and we would sometimes walk together to services in the church across the street. I also saw her often seated at her card table on the streets around the church selling chances for various church fund-raisers. We never discussed her list.
St. Patrick’s Day
The busiest day and night of the year in our Emergency Room was, without question, St. Patrick’s Day. The alcohol problems were legion, but the trouble resulting from brawls was more serious. It was possible to slip on the blood in the hallway, often mixed with rain water and melting snow. There was suturing going on non-stop and occasionally people would have to be prepared for the operating rooms upstairs. Needless to say, the “under the sink” crowd was large and it was a busy/hectic scene.
The Egg
When I was an intern we were allowed to watch and help out in the step-down area next to the ER. One evening while I was there a man and woman were sent to the area to have a very delicate procedure done. It seems that during sex play the woman had inserted an uncooked egg straight from the refrigerator into her partner’s rectum (I am not making this up!)
The egg got stuck, still intact, which accounted, I suppose, for the odd gait that the man had upon arrival in the ER. Naturally, the egg had to be removed and so I learned a technique which luckily I never had to use. A very careful administration of a dose of olive oil was delivered into the rectum in question and then the egg was
When I arrived for my shift the next morning I was greeted by several of my “colleagues” who were standing by the wheelchair in which they had placed my by now very hung over patient. Thus, I would have to deal with the lady for several more hours. They thought that this was very funny and eagerly awaited my reaction. They were not disappointed since now I was even more exasperated with them than with the patient. My friend eventually was able to leave the ER and thankfully did not return that evening!
If I Am Found Dead . . .
Behind the staff doing their paperwork in the original Roosevelt Hospital Emergency Room was a large plate glass window overlooking a fairly large waiting room. On my first day as a resident in medicine assigned to the ER, while I was finishing up a chart, I noticed a commotion in the waiting room. It revolved around a woman who seemed to be having a sudden problem of some sort. She was taken into the nearest room, the minor OR, and settled on the table there. The nurse in charge directed me, specifically, to attend to the patient. I did a thorough exam after listening to her complaints and then went over things again because I could not find evidence of a medical problem. I assumed that was because of lack of experience on my part. I reported my lack of findings to the head nurse. We agreed that the patient should remain in the waiting room for a time so that she could be observed. Shortly thereafter as I checked through the glass window I saw that the woman was writing on a long slip of paper which, I later found out, she kept in her bra instead of her pocketbook. What was she doing I inquired of the nurse. Barely able to contain herself, the nurse explained that the patient recognized me as new to the ER and she had gone into her usual act when she spotted a new doctor. She was adding me to the list of all the medical personnel including nurses who had also not found anything wrong with her. It was labeled, “If I am found dead, the following people killed me.” The first name on the list was the very same nurse I was working with that evening who had worked in the ER for many years. Over the next few years, I got to know this “patient” quite well. She often said her rosary in the waiting room and we would sometimes walk together to services in the church across the street. I also saw her often seated at her card table on the streets around the church selling chances for various church fund-raisers. We never discussed her list.
St. Patrick’s Day
The busiest day and night of the year in our Emergency Room was, without question, St. Patrick’s Day. The alcohol problems were legion, but the trouble resulting from brawls was more serious. It was possible to slip on the blood in the hallway, often mixed with rain water and melting snow. There was suturing going on non-stop and occasionally people would have to be prepared for the operating rooms upstairs. Needless to say, the “under the sink” crowd was large and it was a busy/hectic scene.
The Egg
When I was an intern we were allowed to watch and help out in the step-down area next to the ER. One evening while I was there a man and woman were sent to the area to have a very delicate procedure done. It seems that during sex play the woman had inserted an uncooked egg straight from the refrigerator into her partner’s rectum (I am not making this up!)
The egg got stuck, still intact, which accounted, I suppose, for the odd gait that the man had upon arrival in the ER. Naturally, the egg had to be removed and so I learned a technique which luckily I never had to use. A very careful administration of a dose of olive oil was delivered into the rectum in question and then the egg was
Similar Books
