knew that Donavon wanted more. Until recently, he’d made every effort to keep his real thoughts from me. Lately, though, his teenage-boy hormones were overriding his regard for my feelings.
Slowly, I stood and lifted my arms over my head. Donavon gripped the bottom of my shirt in his hands, and took his time as he lifted it over my head. I had to remind myself to breathe normally but my nervousness wouldn’t let me. I reached for the drawstring on my pants, but my hands were numb, and I couldn’t get the tie undone. Donavon gently pulled my fingers away. He knelt down in front of me, and kissed the space just below my bellybutton. I hugged my arms across my chest in an attempt to keep from shaking. I held my breath as he untied the string, and the pants fell in a pool around my feet.
Donavon held his hand out. I uncrossed my arms and took it, stepping out of the black fabric puddled around my ankles. I was trembling from head to toe. I was scared to meet his eyes.
“ It’s just me, Tal. You don’t need to be nervous.”
“I know.”
“Look at me, Tal.” He was still on his knees, so for once I looked down at him instead of up. He wrapped his hands around my waist; his fingers felt warm against my bare skin. His light blue eyes had clouded over, and become heavy with longing. He looked me up and down, making me more self-conscious.
“So, I kinda assume we aren’t actually swimming?” I tried to joke, attempting to mask my unease.
“No, no swimming,” his mental voice was husky.
In one motion, he swept me off my feet, and up into his arms. A nervous giggle escaped my lips. He laid me down on the blanket and leaned over me. He covered us both with the quilt he’d taken from his bed. Donavon propped himself up on one elbow, and bent over to plant his lips firmly on mine. I wrapped my arms around his neck, trying to match the intensity of his kiss. He ran the fingertips of his free hand lightly down my side, and the sensation made me shiver. His finger toyed with the edge of my boring cotton underwear; I immediately shrank away from his touch.
Donavon pulled back. His eyes found mine. ” You still aren’t sure about this are you?”
“I don’t know , Donavon.” I tried to look away. “ I just don’t think I’m ready.”
“ It’s okay, Tal. I don’t want you to do anything you aren’t ready for.” He may have said it was okay, but I could tell that he didn’t mean it. I could hear, and feel, the frustration dripping from each word. We’d been having this conversation a lot lately.
“ I’m so sorry Donavon.” I meant it. I was sorry. Sorry that we had to keep repeating this same conversation.
“Stop, ” his mental voice demanded. “ Stop apologizing. It just makes me feel bad. Just give me a minute.” He rolled over on to his back and took several deep breaths. I waited – my whole body tense, for him to say something, anything. Finally, he turned his head back to the side and met my eyes.
“ Come here.” I crawled into his open arms. We lay like that for hours. He let his hands roam every once in a while – testing the waters I think. He ran his fingertips along my spine, down my arm, through my hair, across my cheek. While I could still feel his longing bubbling under the surface, I knew that he had no intention of trying anything else tonight. He didn’t want to face rejection twice in one evening. I liked being close to him, so I didn’t resist.
I don’t know what kept holding me back – I loved Donavon. I mean, I think I loved Donavon. From the first time I saw him, I had felt drawn to him. He was more than my boyfriend; he was my best friend; granted, he was my only friend, but still, I knew that I wanted to be with him, and only him.
It must’ve been a mixture of anticipation earlier, coupled with all the craziness from the past couple weeks that set my nerves on edge , I
Slowly, I stood and lifted my arms over my head. Donavon gripped the bottom of my shirt in his hands, and took his time as he lifted it over my head. I had to remind myself to breathe normally but my nervousness wouldn’t let me. I reached for the drawstring on my pants, but my hands were numb, and I couldn’t get the tie undone. Donavon gently pulled my fingers away. He knelt down in front of me, and kissed the space just below my bellybutton. I hugged my arms across my chest in an attempt to keep from shaking. I held my breath as he untied the string, and the pants fell in a pool around my feet.
Donavon held his hand out. I uncrossed my arms and took it, stepping out of the black fabric puddled around my ankles. I was trembling from head to toe. I was scared to meet his eyes.
“ It’s just me, Tal. You don’t need to be nervous.”
“I know.”
“Look at me, Tal.” He was still on his knees, so for once I looked down at him instead of up. He wrapped his hands around my waist; his fingers felt warm against my bare skin. His light blue eyes had clouded over, and become heavy with longing. He looked me up and down, making me more self-conscious.
“So, I kinda assume we aren’t actually swimming?” I tried to joke, attempting to mask my unease.
“No, no swimming,” his mental voice was husky.
In one motion, he swept me off my feet, and up into his arms. A nervous giggle escaped my lips. He laid me down on the blanket and leaned over me. He covered us both with the quilt he’d taken from his bed. Donavon propped himself up on one elbow, and bent over to plant his lips firmly on mine. I wrapped my arms around his neck, trying to match the intensity of his kiss. He ran the fingertips of his free hand lightly down my side, and the sensation made me shiver. His finger toyed with the edge of my boring cotton underwear; I immediately shrank away from his touch.
Donavon pulled back. His eyes found mine. ” You still aren’t sure about this are you?”
“I don’t know , Donavon.” I tried to look away. “ I just don’t think I’m ready.”
“ It’s okay, Tal. I don’t want you to do anything you aren’t ready for.” He may have said it was okay, but I could tell that he didn’t mean it. I could hear, and feel, the frustration dripping from each word. We’d been having this conversation a lot lately.
“ I’m so sorry Donavon.” I meant it. I was sorry. Sorry that we had to keep repeating this same conversation.
“Stop, ” his mental voice demanded. “ Stop apologizing. It just makes me feel bad. Just give me a minute.” He rolled over on to his back and took several deep breaths. I waited – my whole body tense, for him to say something, anything. Finally, he turned his head back to the side and met my eyes.
“ Come here.” I crawled into his open arms. We lay like that for hours. He let his hands roam every once in a while – testing the waters I think. He ran his fingertips along my spine, down my arm, through my hair, across my cheek. While I could still feel his longing bubbling under the surface, I knew that he had no intention of trying anything else tonight. He didn’t want to face rejection twice in one evening. I liked being close to him, so I didn’t resist.
I don’t know what kept holding me back – I loved Donavon. I mean, I think I loved Donavon. From the first time I saw him, I had felt drawn to him. He was more than my boyfriend; he was my best friend; granted, he was my only friend, but still, I knew that I wanted to be with him, and only him.
It must’ve been a mixture of anticipation earlier, coupled with all the craziness from the past couple weeks that set my nerves on edge , I
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