Read Online Suder by Percival Everett - Free Book Online

“Happy birthday, honey.”
    I look at each of their faces and then at the cake on the dining room table. The cake’s got a baseball diamond on it and the message HAPPY 33 RD, CRAIG .
    â€œIt ain’t my birthday. My birthday ain’t for three days.”
    Everyone is quiet.
    Then Lou says, “Well, better early than never.”
    I smile.
    â€œLet’s cut the cake,” says my brother.
    â€œAfter he opens his presents,” says Thelma.
    I turn and see, beside the table, three boxes on top of one large box. I open the gift from Thelma. A pair of silk pajamas. I thank her and kiss her. I open the present from David. An electric razor.
    â€œThanks, David.”
    â€œDon’t cut your throat with it,” David says.
    I open the present from Martin. It is a Water Pik. “Thanks, Martin.”
    â€œOpen mine,” says Lou.
    â€œSure is big,” I says.
    â€œJust open it,” Lou says.
    I rip through the paper and open the box and I’m looking down at a stuffed dog. It’s one of the dogs we picked up on the road. I am speechless.
    â€œPretty good, huh?” says Lou.
    â€œYeah, great,” I says and I look at Thelma and she’s frowning and I look at David and he’s doing all he can not to laugh out loud.
    We sit around eating cake and all the while that dead dog is staring right at me. The dog’s mouth is sewed shut but his tongue is poking out the side and I really want to put him back in the box.
    â€œPretty good job, huh?” Lou says.
    â€œYeah,” I says.
    â€œLook here.” Lou puts down his cake and walks over to the dog and turns it over. He’s showing me the belly and he says, “Look at that stitching. That’s a job, huh?”
    â€œSure is,” I says.
    â€œWhat do you think of it, Nicks?” Lou turns the dog’s belly to David. “I should be a goddamn tailor. Look at that needlework.”
    â€œThat’s something else,” David says softly.
    Martin moves to the dog and pulls up on the dog’s lips as Lou is holding him and looks at the teeth, revealing the long, jagged sutures keeping the animal’s mouth shut.
    â€œOh, I forgot to tell you,” says Lou. “I got a letter from Roy Rogers.” He puts the dog down.
    â€œOh, yeah?” I says.
    â€œHe sent me an autographed picture. I don’t know what it means. I’m gonna write him again.” Lou looked at the dog. “I wonder how tall he is.”
    â€œThat’s great, Lou,” I says. “Ain’t that great, David?”
    â€œYeah, great,” says David.
    We sit in silence for a little while. Then I get to thinking about the song and I get up and start toward the stereo.
    â€œI want you all to listen to something,” I says. I drop the needle down on the record. “Listen to this. You’re going to love it.” I listen for a second. “Ain’t that something?” I close my eyes and listen to the saxophone solo.
    One by one, Lou, David, and Martin excuse themselves. And so, I’m all alone with Thelma and the stuffed dog.
    Thelma starts clearing things off the table.
    â€œI suppose Peter’s at your mother’s,” I says.
    â€œYes.” She takes the dishes into the kitchen and comes out pulling her sweater on.
    â€œWhere are you going?” I ask.
    â€œFor a walk,” she says.
    â€œThis time of night?”
    â€œIt’s not late.”
    â€œWhere are you going?” I step in front of the door.
    â€œCraig,” she whines.
    â€œI want to know where you’re going.”
    She starts taking off her sweater. “Noplace.”
    â€œWho are you going to meet?”
    â€œI’m not going anyplace.” She sits.
    â€œWho have you been seeing?”
    She picks up a magazine. “You’re being ridiculous.” She gets up and shuts off the music. “You’re not well, Craig.”
    â€œWhat are you talking