Read Online Strife: Hidden Book Four by Colleen Vanderlinden - Free Book Online

‘dude, you are pathetic’ territory. I don’t want you to hate me. And I have some growing up to do, I think.”
    “I don’t think it’s possible for me to hate you,” I said. Then I met his eyes. “You got me through some of the worst times of my life, Brennan. Thinking of you gave me the courage to fight my way back from death, over and over again.”
    He took a deep breath, looked away from me, and I could feel that he was trying to get his emotions under control. “I’m glad. And I’m grateful for what we had. But we need to be honest about some things here.”
    “Such as?”
    He smiled a little. “You kept a lot of yourself from me, and I kept just as much from you. There was so much I wanted to tell you, and I never did it. I was a coward. And there were other things, too. I was desperate to hold on to you and made an ass of myself. And we jumped into something neither of us was ready for. What was the last thing we argued about, the night before you died?”
    I just watched him. I remembered. Just didn’t want to answer.
    “We argued because you were still wearing your wedding ring. We argued because you wouldn’t let anyone touch Nain’s room, and I asked if we were keeping it a shrine.”
    I nodded, looked away.
    “And then that last day, I took off before you woke up, because I knew you well enough to know you didn’t want any part of me, not on the anniversary of his death. Not when we both knew that, all things being equal, when you had the chance to choose, you chose him. He was what you wanted and he was gone. And then you were gone and he was back,” he said, shaking his head.
    “I am so sorry I hurt you, Bren. I never wanted to,” I said.
    He faced me, took my hands in his, and the feel of his warm skin against mine did it. I lost it, started crying. The finality of it all hit me, and I couldn’t hold it back any more.
    “Don’t do that,” he said. “You know I hate seeing you upset.”
    I laughed a little, tried to calm down.
    We sat there, our hands clasped. The thing inside me raged, and I hated it a little more.
    “You are an amazing, brave, giving woman. And the fact that you loved me isn’t something I take lightly. It’s impossible for me not to love you. I don’t want to lose you as a friend. I am here. I will always be here, and if you ever need me, I’ll come. But this part of our life together is over. Isn’t it?”
    I nodded, even as my heart broke. It had been over for a long time, and part of the reason I’d avoided him, aside from the thing inside me, was because I didn’t want to deal with that. But that was selfish, too. He needed to move on, and he couldn’t if he still thought I was hanging on to him.
    I squeezed his hands. “You’re the best, Bren. Thank you for being mine, even for a little while,” I said and the tears started flowing again.
    “Oh, hell,” he said. He let got of my hands and pulled me into his arms, and we held each other for a few minutes. I breathed him in, knowing this was the end.
    “You should go,” I said after a few minutes, pulling away from him. “I need some time here.”
    He cupped my face in his hands and kissed my forehead. “Take care of yourself,” he murmured before he pulled away.
    “You too.”
    And then I watched as he got into his car and drove away. I sat on the porch for a long time afterward, thinking. I was sad, but I was relieved, too. We didn’t hate each other. I wasn’t naive. Things would be awkward for a while. Someday, maybe we’d get to a comfortable place again.
    Eventually I got up and went inside. I locked up and went up to my room after calling good night to Bash and Dahael, who were watching some classic Bugs Bunny cartoon. Once I got there, I didn’t even bother showering or changing. I fell onto my bed and stared at the celling, wondering what I could possibly mess up next.

Chapter Four
     
    Everything was darkness and emptiness. Silence and cold. There was not a thing here worth