Read Online Straight Up and Dirty: A Memoir by Stephanie Klein - Free Book Online
Authors: Stephanie Klein
Ads: Link
Stephanie?”—wanted to know what I’d be wearing on our wedding day. Then she squeezed me into a hug and patted my face. I liked spending time with her. Where would we be doing it, and who would marry us? “I’m just so happy for you both,” she said hugging us together, a knot of three. It felt good knowing his family was behind our decision, made me think they knew how happy I made Gabe. Finally, everything would be okay.
That night, we arrived home to a blinking answering machine. I hit Play, not realizing the button I’d pressed was actually the vomit trigger.
“Gabe, this is your father. We heard again through the grapevine that you’re getting married May 28 at Temple Sinai with a rabbi. Obviously, you can’t tell us these things, so we will not be there to participate in the event because obviously I intimidate you, and we wouldn’t want to embarrass you. This is the last phone call I will make to you.”
I wanted to vomit. On Marvin. I was certain they knew about the 28th. Maybe they didn’t think it was finalized, but to pretend it was the first they were hearing of it was absurd. God, I was even finally excited again, looking through wedding magazines, telling my family, booking plane reservations for my mother, and now this.
“I’m just not doing this anymore, Gabe. I can’t. There’s always some excuse. Your family, your work schedule. I’m just not doing this to myself anymore. Look at these!” I pointed to the stacks of wedding magazines I’d collected over the years of our engagement, the scrapbook I’d started, photos of hairstyles, photos of me from different makeup trial appointments. “I’ve just fucking had enough!” I screamed, and my voice cracked into a sob. “I just can’t do this. I’m sorry.”
“I’ll do whatever you want, Stephanie. It’s ridiculous at this point.”
“I just can’t take it anymore. They always have an excuse.” Snot was hanging from my nose.
“Baby, I agree with you. I’m on your side.” He handed me a towel.
“You told them, right? I mean, I heard you.”
“Yes, Stephanie.”
“Right, so I’m not going crazy here, but they’re saying we didn’t tell them now. It’s an excuse because, in their eyes, I’ll never be good enough for you. I will always be—I don’t know. Am I that horrible? I mean, don’t I love you? Don’t I make you happy?”
“Yes, baby. Of course you do.” He wiped the tears from my face and hugged me.
“Gabe, I just don’t understand. I love you. You love me. Why can’t they just be happy for us?” The I love you, you love me bit was a bit Barney of me. I was in despair and couldn’t see beyond me.
“Sweetheart, what if we just got married and didn’t tell anyone? That way, they can pick whatever the hell date they want, and it won’t matter anymore because we’ll already be married. So then, we’ll have the reception and ceremony all on one day, without any pressure.”
“Fine. When?” It was all I could manage at that point. I didn’t really believe him.
“The next three weeks are a nightmare for me, but I’m not making excuses. I know that’s what you’re thinking. I’m free the weekend of May twentieth. That way, we can go to a hotel or something for the weekend, and it gives us time to find a rabbi. Okay, sweetheart?” He gently lifted my head by my chin, bringing my eyes to his. I nodded okay and cried in his arms.
He rubbed my back and whispered that it would all be okay. “You’ll see. I promise. I won’t ever let anything bad happen to you, sweetheart.” To this day, when I hear the word sweetheart , I look for the nearest bathroom. Somehow my body communicates bullshit through diarrhea. Sweetheart gives me the runs. I only wish that time, I had run away instead of toward him.
“DO YOU PROMISE TO LOVE AND CHERISH HER?” I WAS glad I decided to hit my cousin’s wedding solo. I couldn’t have sat through a candlelit ceremony with a
That night, we arrived home to a blinking answering machine. I hit Play, not realizing the button I’d pressed was actually the vomit trigger.
“Gabe, this is your father. We heard again through the grapevine that you’re getting married May 28 at Temple Sinai with a rabbi. Obviously, you can’t tell us these things, so we will not be there to participate in the event because obviously I intimidate you, and we wouldn’t want to embarrass you. This is the last phone call I will make to you.”
I wanted to vomit. On Marvin. I was certain they knew about the 28th. Maybe they didn’t think it was finalized, but to pretend it was the first they were hearing of it was absurd. God, I was even finally excited again, looking through wedding magazines, telling my family, booking plane reservations for my mother, and now this.
“I’m just not doing this anymore, Gabe. I can’t. There’s always some excuse. Your family, your work schedule. I’m just not doing this to myself anymore. Look at these!” I pointed to the stacks of wedding magazines I’d collected over the years of our engagement, the scrapbook I’d started, photos of hairstyles, photos of me from different makeup trial appointments. “I’ve just fucking had enough!” I screamed, and my voice cracked into a sob. “I just can’t do this. I’m sorry.”
“I’ll do whatever you want, Stephanie. It’s ridiculous at this point.”
“I just can’t take it anymore. They always have an excuse.” Snot was hanging from my nose.
“Baby, I agree with you. I’m on your side.” He handed me a towel.
“You told them, right? I mean, I heard you.”
“Yes, Stephanie.”
“Right, so I’m not going crazy here, but they’re saying we didn’t tell them now. It’s an excuse because, in their eyes, I’ll never be good enough for you. I will always be—I don’t know. Am I that horrible? I mean, don’t I love you? Don’t I make you happy?”
“Yes, baby. Of course you do.” He wiped the tears from my face and hugged me.
“Gabe, I just don’t understand. I love you. You love me. Why can’t they just be happy for us?” The I love you, you love me bit was a bit Barney of me. I was in despair and couldn’t see beyond me.
“Sweetheart, what if we just got married and didn’t tell anyone? That way, they can pick whatever the hell date they want, and it won’t matter anymore because we’ll already be married. So then, we’ll have the reception and ceremony all on one day, without any pressure.”
“Fine. When?” It was all I could manage at that point. I didn’t really believe him.
“The next three weeks are a nightmare for me, but I’m not making excuses. I know that’s what you’re thinking. I’m free the weekend of May twentieth. That way, we can go to a hotel or something for the weekend, and it gives us time to find a rabbi. Okay, sweetheart?” He gently lifted my head by my chin, bringing my eyes to his. I nodded okay and cried in his arms.
He rubbed my back and whispered that it would all be okay. “You’ll see. I promise. I won’t ever let anything bad happen to you, sweetheart.” To this day, when I hear the word sweetheart , I look for the nearest bathroom. Somehow my body communicates bullshit through diarrhea. Sweetheart gives me the runs. I only wish that time, I had run away instead of toward him.
“DO YOU PROMISE TO LOVE AND CHERISH HER?” I WAS glad I decided to hit my cousin’s wedding solo. I couldn’t have sat through a candlelit ceremony with a
Similar Books
