second I'm strangling this pillow, and the next I'm crying into it, laying on my bed, face shoved into the fluffy fucking thing, crying. These tears are ugly as fuck and I don't even care.
I can't even fucking believe this is happening to me. Karma, I guess., what comes around goes around. Good job, asshole.
Ashley
I 'm so angry that I can't stop shaking. My hands tremble and my entire body shudders. Before I lose control of myself, before I start shaking so badly that I can't even do anything, I click to end the webcam session with Ethan. I don't want to see that. I can't even believe I saw it in the first place.
Scarlet? With Ethan? Why? How?
First off, why did he accept my request to chat with him in the first place? I don't know why I'm asking myself that question. Would it be better if he didn't? There's that saying that ignorance is bliss, and I guess it tends to mean these kinds of situations. Would I feel better if I never knew about Ethan's sexual tryst with Scarlet? If I didn't know, I couldn't be upset, right? Except then I'd just be some stupid girl who thought her relationship with her boyfriend was wonderful, when in reality he's cheating on me with someone else.
Not just someone else, but Scarlet. I thought she was my friend, too. I know Ethan says she's crazy, but... is that a part of this? Did he always just say that so that I wouldn't suspect anything was going on between them?
Wait. Hold on. Is this one tryst, or multiple trysts? Has this been going on for awhile now? Maybe it has. Maybe Ethan's been doing this since last year. Maybe they've had an ongoing friends with benefits type of relationship and now that I'm out of the picture and they're both back at school they decided it was time to pick it up again.
I guess it always struck me as strange that Ethan would be so forthcoming to me about the stepbrother with benefits arrangement that started this all. I don't think I've ever seen him do anything similar with another girl. He's never exactly told them he wanted to do anything more than casually date them, but as far as I know he never spelled out the specifics with them, either.
That's what our rules were about. Does he have rules with Scarlet, too? I thought what we had was special, but now I'm not so sure. Now I'm doubting myself. Now I'm...
First things first. I need to get away from all this. I need to get away from Ethan. I still can't believe he did this to me. I'm starting to think that him accepting the webcam request was an accident. I can't explain it any other way. Not that this makes it better.
With my hands shaking, trying to control my anger before I just give up and throw my laptop at the wall, I type one final message to Ethan. This is it. I need him to know that I know.
I can't believe what a fucking asshole you are.
It takes me awhile. I keep misspelling some of the words. My fingers refuse to do what I want and they tremble and shake and I just type everything wrong, then I delete it, type it again...
After five tries I manage to get it right. I don't even know why I bother fixing anything. Does it really matter if I make a few mistakes? If I have a typo or two? Who cares?
I do, I guess. I can't help it. It's just ingrained in me, the good girl who refuses to do anything less than her best. Yes, apparently that even includes me fixing the typos in a hate message to my boyfriend who I just found out is cheating on me with one of my friends.
"Fuck you, Ethan," I say, to no one in particular. I don't say it too loud, because I don't see the point. I just wanted to say it out loud.
I remember at the end of last year after Jake and I had sex, and then he broke up with me. I remember wanting to say something to Jake, to scream it down the halls and to yell at him for being an asshole. I didn't, because that's just not what good girls do.
I think I'd do it now, though. I don't know if I would, but I think I would. Ethan's not here, so I can't scream and yell at him. Not
I can't even fucking believe this is happening to me. Karma, I guess., what comes around goes around. Good job, asshole.
Ashley
I 'm so angry that I can't stop shaking. My hands tremble and my entire body shudders. Before I lose control of myself, before I start shaking so badly that I can't even do anything, I click to end the webcam session with Ethan. I don't want to see that. I can't even believe I saw it in the first place.
Scarlet? With Ethan? Why? How?
First off, why did he accept my request to chat with him in the first place? I don't know why I'm asking myself that question. Would it be better if he didn't? There's that saying that ignorance is bliss, and I guess it tends to mean these kinds of situations. Would I feel better if I never knew about Ethan's sexual tryst with Scarlet? If I didn't know, I couldn't be upset, right? Except then I'd just be some stupid girl who thought her relationship with her boyfriend was wonderful, when in reality he's cheating on me with someone else.
Not just someone else, but Scarlet. I thought she was my friend, too. I know Ethan says she's crazy, but... is that a part of this? Did he always just say that so that I wouldn't suspect anything was going on between them?
Wait. Hold on. Is this one tryst, or multiple trysts? Has this been going on for awhile now? Maybe it has. Maybe Ethan's been doing this since last year. Maybe they've had an ongoing friends with benefits type of relationship and now that I'm out of the picture and they're both back at school they decided it was time to pick it up again.
I guess it always struck me as strange that Ethan would be so forthcoming to me about the stepbrother with benefits arrangement that started this all. I don't think I've ever seen him do anything similar with another girl. He's never exactly told them he wanted to do anything more than casually date them, but as far as I know he never spelled out the specifics with them, either.
That's what our rules were about. Does he have rules with Scarlet, too? I thought what we had was special, but now I'm not so sure. Now I'm doubting myself. Now I'm...
First things first. I need to get away from all this. I need to get away from Ethan. I still can't believe he did this to me. I'm starting to think that him accepting the webcam request was an accident. I can't explain it any other way. Not that this makes it better.
With my hands shaking, trying to control my anger before I just give up and throw my laptop at the wall, I type one final message to Ethan. This is it. I need him to know that I know.
I can't believe what a fucking asshole you are.
It takes me awhile. I keep misspelling some of the words. My fingers refuse to do what I want and they tremble and shake and I just type everything wrong, then I delete it, type it again...
After five tries I manage to get it right. I don't even know why I bother fixing anything. Does it really matter if I make a few mistakes? If I have a typo or two? Who cares?
I do, I guess. I can't help it. It's just ingrained in me, the good girl who refuses to do anything less than her best. Yes, apparently that even includes me fixing the typos in a hate message to my boyfriend who I just found out is cheating on me with one of my friends.
"Fuck you, Ethan," I say, to no one in particular. I don't say it too loud, because I don't see the point. I just wanted to say it out loud.
I remember at the end of last year after Jake and I had sex, and then he broke up with me. I remember wanting to say something to Jake, to scream it down the halls and to yell at him for being an asshole. I didn't, because that's just not what good girls do.
I think I'd do it now, though. I don't know if I would, but I think I would. Ethan's not here, so I can't scream and yell at him. Not
Similar Books
