Read Online Stay At Home Dead by Jeffrey Allen - Free Book Online

that is you.”
    “It’s both of us.”
    “No, it’s not,” she said. “You’re the one she spends the majority of her time with. It’d be easy for you to drop her in front of the TV every day, rather than get her outside, read to her, play with her. It makes a difference.”
    “I should probably try and negotiate a raise, then,” I said.
    Julianne snorted. “Getting to sleep with me is like getting a bonus every day. Consider yourself lucky.”
    I threw my arm around her. “Still. A little extra cash would be nice.”
    “Don’t get a fat head. You still need some work on dressing her. And she enjoys burping far too much.”
    “What’s wrong with the way I dress her?”
    “Nothing, if her name was Carl.”
    “I dress her like a girl.”
    “Jeans and a T-shirt are unisex. Dresses are girly.”
    “She doesn’t like dresses.”
    “She would if you’d put them on her once in a while.”
    “Well, it’s not my fault.”
    “Why not?”
    “You’ve never written ‘Put her in a dress today’ on a sticky note for me. How should I have known?”
    I could tell by her expression that she wanted to give me the finger, but there were too many children in the vicinity.
    We circled the block a second time as the sun dipped a little lower in the sky. Carly was complaining about being sweaty and tired, so we told her this was the last time around. By the time we reached the house, I was carrying her and Julianne was pushing the bike.
    “Who’s that man?” Carly said, pointing to our home.
    A guy in jeans and a long-sleeve oxford was standing at our front door. About my age, medium height, medium build. A military brush cut on top of his head.
    “Help you?” I called out as we came to the bottom of the walk.
    He turned around, surprised, then smiled. “Oh, I’m sorry. Didn’t know y’all were out.”
    He came down the walk, and I braced myself for whatever he was selling. Oil changes, landscaping service, religion. We got them all in our neighborhood.
    “You’re Deuce, right?” he said, a look on his face that said he thought he was right, but not certain.
    “That’s right.”
    He produced an envelope and wedged it between Carly’s body and my chest. “You’ve been served.”
    We all stood in silence, watching him walk away.
    Finally, Julianne plucked the envelope from between Carly and me and opened it.
    “Lemme guess,” I said. “Billy letting me know I’m being sued?”
    Julianne finished reading it, then shook her head. “No. It’s a restraining order.”
    “A what?”
    She read it again. “A restraining order. Filed by Shayna. Against you.”

17
    I got Carly in the bathtub while Julianne read over the restraining order.
    “It’s vague,” she said, standing in the hallway, while I sat on the floor of the bathroom. “Doesn’t really give a reason as to why she filed it.”
    “Doesn’t it have to?” I asked.
    “No. All that matters is she got a judge to sign off on one. You can’t get within one hundred yards of her.”
    I leaned back into the wall, irritation and confusion settling into my bones. Maybe some fear, too. It made no sense. I wasn’t sure Shayna was even able to remember my visit, much less take offense to it. And she called me to begin with. What could she be so upset at that she saw fit to bar me from having any contact with her?
    “It doesn’t matter,” Julianne said, reading my expression. “You can’t go near her to find out what’s going on. We’ll figure it out, but you cannot go near her. Hear me?”
    “I haven’t done anything wrong.”
    “I know that.”
    “But now I’m the bad guy.”
    “You’re not a bad guy, Daddy,” Carly said, her eyes peeking over the tub.
    I smiled at her.
    “Look, you aren’t the bad guy, but if you wanna feel sorry for yourself and mope, be my guest,” Julianne said. “The only thing I care about is making sure your butt stays at least a football field away from her. That should honestly be a rule in our house,