year. She seemed so grown up, so womanly in her blue dress. More woman, yet still child, and he wondered again at what madness drew him to her. It wasn't only to see Boyd that he had come back today. He had come to see her, too, hoping that she'd be there, wanting to see her one more time before leaving California. But there was no point torturing himself. At sixteen, she was still a baby. And yet ' her eyes told him she felt all the same things he did. At twenty-eight, it was insane to feel this for a sixteen-year-old girl. Will you have a birthday party? He spoke as though to a child, and yet everything he saw told him she was a woman, as she laughed and shook her head.
No ' It was impossible to explain to him that she had few friends, that the girls hated her because of her looks, although she herself didn't understand it. My dad said he might take me to San Francisco next month. She wanted to ask him if he would be there, but she didn't. Neither of them could say any of the things they wanted. They had to pretend not to care, not to understand what they were feeling for each other, despite the gap in years, and the vast difference their lives put between them.
And as though reading her mind, he answered the question she hadn't dared to ask, about where he was going now. I'm going back to New York in a few days. I've been offered a job by a law firm on Wall Street. He felt foolish explaining it to her. That's part of the financial world, he smiled, and shifted his weight against the tree that seemed to be holding him up. He wasn't sure at that precise moment if his trembling knees would hold him. It's supposed to be big stuff. He wanted to impress her, but he didn't have to work at it. She was impressed by him anyway, by a lot more than just Wall Street.
Are you excited? She looked at him with wide-open eyes, as though wanting to see deep into his soul, and he was almost afraid she might, and he himself wasn't sure what she'd see there, probably a man frightened by what he felt for this girl ' this girl who was no longer a child and not yet a woman, and who stirred him as no woman ever had before her. He wasn't sure whether it was just her looks, or the mystery he saw in her own eyes. He wasn't sure what it was, or why, but lie knew that there was something rare and different about her. She had haunted him for the past year in spite of all his efforts to forget her. And now, standing next to her he felt his whole body go taut with the excitement of just being near her.
I guess I'm excited. And scared. He seemed to admit it easily to her. It's a big job, my family would be disappointed if I didn't live up to what everyone's expecting. But his family seemed unimportant now. Only Crystal mattered to him.
Will you ever come back to California? Her eyes looked so sad, as though he was deserting her, and they both felt the loss even before it happened.
I'd like to come back sometime. But probably not for a while. His voice was quiet and sad, and for a moment, he was sorry he had come. It would have been easier not to have seen her again. But he wouldn't have been able not to come. He had known for weeks that he had to see her, and now she was watching him, her eyes wise and sad, the loneliness she lived with most of the time etched into the eyes that watched him. Today was a gift, one that she would always cherish. He had become a dream to her, like the dreams of the movie stars pinned up on her bedroom walls. He was just as distant and unreal, and yet she had actually met him, but he was no more accessible to her than they were. The only difference between him and them was that she knew that she loved him.
Hiroko's having a baby in the spring. She said it to break the spell a little bit, and he sighed and looked away, as though trying to get some air, and force himself to think of someone other than Crystal.
I'm glad for them, he smiled gently at her, wondering when she would marry and have babies. Maybe if he came back
No ' It was impossible to explain to him that she had few friends, that the girls hated her because of her looks, although she herself didn't understand it. My dad said he might take me to San Francisco next month. She wanted to ask him if he would be there, but she didn't. Neither of them could say any of the things they wanted. They had to pretend not to care, not to understand what they were feeling for each other, despite the gap in years, and the vast difference their lives put between them.
And as though reading her mind, he answered the question she hadn't dared to ask, about where he was going now. I'm going back to New York in a few days. I've been offered a job by a law firm on Wall Street. He felt foolish explaining it to her. That's part of the financial world, he smiled, and shifted his weight against the tree that seemed to be holding him up. He wasn't sure at that precise moment if his trembling knees would hold him. It's supposed to be big stuff. He wanted to impress her, but he didn't have to work at it. She was impressed by him anyway, by a lot more than just Wall Street.
Are you excited? She looked at him with wide-open eyes, as though wanting to see deep into his soul, and he was almost afraid she might, and he himself wasn't sure what she'd see there, probably a man frightened by what he felt for this girl ' this girl who was no longer a child and not yet a woman, and who stirred him as no woman ever had before her. He wasn't sure whether it was just her looks, or the mystery he saw in her own eyes. He wasn't sure what it was, or why, but lie knew that there was something rare and different about her. She had haunted him for the past year in spite of all his efforts to forget her. And now, standing next to her he felt his whole body go taut with the excitement of just being near her.
I guess I'm excited. And scared. He seemed to admit it easily to her. It's a big job, my family would be disappointed if I didn't live up to what everyone's expecting. But his family seemed unimportant now. Only Crystal mattered to him.
Will you ever come back to California? Her eyes looked so sad, as though he was deserting her, and they both felt the loss even before it happened.
I'd like to come back sometime. But probably not for a while. His voice was quiet and sad, and for a moment, he was sorry he had come. It would have been easier not to have seen her again. But he wouldn't have been able not to come. He had known for weeks that he had to see her, and now she was watching him, her eyes wise and sad, the loneliness she lived with most of the time etched into the eyes that watched him. Today was a gift, one that she would always cherish. He had become a dream to her, like the dreams of the movie stars pinned up on her bedroom walls. He was just as distant and unreal, and yet she had actually met him, but he was no more accessible to her than they were. The only difference between him and them was that she knew that she loved him.
Hiroko's having a baby in the spring. She said it to break the spell a little bit, and he sighed and looked away, as though trying to get some air, and force himself to think of someone other than Crystal.
I'm glad for them, he smiled gently at her, wondering when she would marry and have babies. Maybe if he came back
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