wasted my time, and so did the idea of Internet dating.”
Dr. Suzuki held up a hand, and he stopped. “Do your breathing.”
He did. He settled back on the couch.
“Okay, let’s break this down. First of all, you felt chemistry with this woman.” Dr. Suzuki’s eyes narrowed. “She had noticed you enough to remember what you said you were searching for in your profile. Then she told you something that felt like rejection.”
“I guess.” He picked up his thermos and took a sip to buy time.
“Right. So it seems like she pushed a button with you, and you took the coward’s way out and walked away.”
“Damn, Dr. Suzuki. You’re on me like white on rice!” Adam exclaimed.
“Let’s both take a breath.” They did. Dr. Suzuki leaned toward him. “I don’t think you’re noticing the nuances of your feelings—you’re only noticing and feeling anger, and that means you’ve got only one shade of reaction to everything right now—and it’s red.”
“Could be. But I don’t see how accepting what the woman said, that she wasn’t ready to date, was taking the coward’s way out.”
“Did she really seem like she didn’t want to get to know you?”
He thought back to her eyes shining with tears, her halting and conflicted comments. “I think she was as freaked out as I was.”
“So, what else could you have done?”
“Been nice. Kept the door open.” Adam closed his eyes, imagining finishing his drink as they talked, being able to watch those green eyes to see if they changed color again. Leaving the bar on a cordial note with the possibility of calling her, at least. As it was, he didn’t even know her last name, let alone have her number. He felt a little sick at the missed opportunity.
“Right. Okay, listen. Yes, I am being hard on you. But it’s because I care about you and believe you’re someone who can grow and change in a pretty short time. This week, I want you to stop and really notice whenever you have any kind of strong feeling and identify what it is and, hopefully, where it’s originating. Did you do athletics in school?”
“Yeah. Football in high school and college.”
“Okay. Did you grow more with a coach who babied you or one who pushed you?”
“One who pushed me.” Adam gazed at her, felt a grin pull up his mouth. “So you’re my coach.”
“I find coaching a helpful framework for working with men,” Dr. Suzuki said primly, folding small ivory hands in her lap. “Most men hate therapy, but under that is fear. Fear of being vulnerable, of being judged. Especially by a female therapist.”
“You might be onto something there.” Adam unwrapped his second musubi. “Okay, Coach Suzuki.”
“So tell me about this chemistry with you and this woman and why that was noteworthy.”
“I saw her eyes, and I felt it. A connection like a lightning bolt. Amazing.” He grinned, shook his head. “Haven’t had a moment like that since high school, when just a glance at Malia Jones had me walking around uncomfortable for hours, if you know what I mean.”
Dr. Suzuki smiled. “I think you should try a few more Internet dates. See if you get this feeling again. But I suspect it doesn’t happen that often.”
He picked up his apple, bit in, chewed. “I’m not sure Internet dating is for me. You know who my top match was? My cousin Tami. And I’m already pretty sure we’re too close to be a thing. Seriously, I need to get a handle on this anger, deal with Mrs. Lepler, find a way to see my kids, make sure my mom’s okay—and when all that’s under control, maybe I’ll get back in the dating game again.”
“Great.” Dr. Suzuki smiled. “But you might find that lightning never strikes twice. Our time’s up. I’ll see you in a few days.”
“Thanks, Coach.” He packed up his lunch box and smiled. “I like you as my coach. You can be as hard on me as you want, and I promise I won’t run away.”
“And I like it that you can take it like a man and
Dr. Suzuki held up a hand, and he stopped. “Do your breathing.”
He did. He settled back on the couch.
“Okay, let’s break this down. First of all, you felt chemistry with this woman.” Dr. Suzuki’s eyes narrowed. “She had noticed you enough to remember what you said you were searching for in your profile. Then she told you something that felt like rejection.”
“I guess.” He picked up his thermos and took a sip to buy time.
“Right. So it seems like she pushed a button with you, and you took the coward’s way out and walked away.”
“Damn, Dr. Suzuki. You’re on me like white on rice!” Adam exclaimed.
“Let’s both take a breath.” They did. Dr. Suzuki leaned toward him. “I don’t think you’re noticing the nuances of your feelings—you’re only noticing and feeling anger, and that means you’ve got only one shade of reaction to everything right now—and it’s red.”
“Could be. But I don’t see how accepting what the woman said, that she wasn’t ready to date, was taking the coward’s way out.”
“Did she really seem like she didn’t want to get to know you?”
He thought back to her eyes shining with tears, her halting and conflicted comments. “I think she was as freaked out as I was.”
“So, what else could you have done?”
“Been nice. Kept the door open.” Adam closed his eyes, imagining finishing his drink as they talked, being able to watch those green eyes to see if they changed color again. Leaving the bar on a cordial note with the possibility of calling her, at least. As it was, he didn’t even know her last name, let alone have her number. He felt a little sick at the missed opportunity.
“Right. Okay, listen. Yes, I am being hard on you. But it’s because I care about you and believe you’re someone who can grow and change in a pretty short time. This week, I want you to stop and really notice whenever you have any kind of strong feeling and identify what it is and, hopefully, where it’s originating. Did you do athletics in school?”
“Yeah. Football in high school and college.”
“Okay. Did you grow more with a coach who babied you or one who pushed you?”
“One who pushed me.” Adam gazed at her, felt a grin pull up his mouth. “So you’re my coach.”
“I find coaching a helpful framework for working with men,” Dr. Suzuki said primly, folding small ivory hands in her lap. “Most men hate therapy, but under that is fear. Fear of being vulnerable, of being judged. Especially by a female therapist.”
“You might be onto something there.” Adam unwrapped his second musubi. “Okay, Coach Suzuki.”
“So tell me about this chemistry with you and this woman and why that was noteworthy.”
“I saw her eyes, and I felt it. A connection like a lightning bolt. Amazing.” He grinned, shook his head. “Haven’t had a moment like that since high school, when just a glance at Malia Jones had me walking around uncomfortable for hours, if you know what I mean.”
Dr. Suzuki smiled. “I think you should try a few more Internet dates. See if you get this feeling again. But I suspect it doesn’t happen that often.”
He picked up his apple, bit in, chewed. “I’m not sure Internet dating is for me. You know who my top match was? My cousin Tami. And I’m already pretty sure we’re too close to be a thing. Seriously, I need to get a handle on this anger, deal with Mrs. Lepler, find a way to see my kids, make sure my mom’s okay—and when all that’s under control, maybe I’ll get back in the dating game again.”
“Great.” Dr. Suzuki smiled. “But you might find that lightning never strikes twice. Our time’s up. I’ll see you in a few days.”
“Thanks, Coach.” He packed up his lunch box and smiled. “I like you as my coach. You can be as hard on me as you want, and I promise I won’t run away.”
“And I like it that you can take it like a man and
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