well lately.”
He unwrapped one of the musubi, a square of compacted white rice topped by a rectangle of fried spam wrapped in nori, pounded dried seaweed. He ate it in a few quick hard bites.
Dr. Suzuki flipped through her notes. “Wow, that’s a lot in two days. Anything else going on before we dive into these things?”
“Yeah. I took your advice about trying Internet dating.” The rice seemed to choke him as he remembered eyes, leaf green with tears. He picked up his thermos and drank.
“Hmm. Seems like there’s a story there.” Dr. Suzuki took more notes. “Where do you want to start?”
“How about with Boss Lady? She pissed me off so bad I almost hit her.” Adam felt remembered rage flush through his body.
“Okay, stop.” Dr. Suzuki’s voice was a whipcrack, bringing him up short. “First of all, no one ‘makes you mad.’ Don’t give away your power. Own your emotion—you felt so angry you wanted to hit her.”
“Okay.” This was a new idea, and Adam let it settle in. “But I’d argue anyone would have been angry with being blackmailed.” He described his conversation with Alixia Lepler.
“Did you try the breathing I showed you?”
“Yeah. Actually, it’s really been helpful several times. I told her to burn in hell, walked out, and spent the morning surfing until I felt ready to go home and deal with my mother. By then Mama was feeling a little better, had gotten out of bed. Charl was glad to take the baby and go home. Then I had my date.”
“Okay. We have a lot to cover here, but let’s start with Mrs. Lepler. I want you to take some steps to protect yourself. Next time she proposes something, I want you to try to record her. You don’t know what she’s going to do. In my experience, some of these narcissistic, sadistic types enjoy the game; they don’t mind who they hurt. They get off on it.”
“Yeah, that’s her. It made her hot to try to get me literally on my knees.” Adam’s fists bunched.
“Do your breathing.” She led him through a couple, and he sat back on the couch.
“Damn. Here’s the thing—I think I’m so mad at my ex, at Alixia Lepler, that it made me throw this other woman over.”
“Okay, stop there.” Dr. Suzuki caught his eye. She’d drawn her finely marked brows together in the slight scrunch that passed for a frown. “I am going to keep stopping you when I hear you using externalizing language. The language we use defines our reality, and I’m going to assume you can keep up with me when I say that.”
“Of course.” His pride pricked, Adam frowned back. “Externalizing language. Explain.”
“You give away your power and blame others when you say things like “she made me.” No one makes anyone do anything. We all have free will; we all make choices. I want to hear you reframe that comment into owning your emotions and your choices. Trust me. It takes some work, but you’ll begin to feel more in control of your anger when you stop blaming others.”
“Honestly? I didn’t know I was doing that.” Adam felt defensive but decided her comments had potential. He stared at the ceiling, thinking of how to phrase his thoughts. “Okay. Here goes. I’ve felt so angry with Mrs. Lepler’s behavior toward me, and with my ex for her choices, that I’ve become suspicious and maybe a little bit overreactive.” He was satisfied with this summary. “So when I met this woman on my first Internet date and we had this amazing chemistry—I mean amazing—I just…” He sat forward, his face in his hands. Shook his head. “It freaked me out. Then she told me something that made it easy for me to walk away.”
“What did she tell you?”
“She said she liked me and remembered I said I wanted honesty. She told me she wasn’t ready to date and was still hung up on her ex.”
Dr. Suzuki shook her head, her eyes down, and made a note on her pad. Adam felt anger washing over the hurt of rejection as he remembered Zoe’s words. “She
He unwrapped one of the musubi, a square of compacted white rice topped by a rectangle of fried spam wrapped in nori, pounded dried seaweed. He ate it in a few quick hard bites.
Dr. Suzuki flipped through her notes. “Wow, that’s a lot in two days. Anything else going on before we dive into these things?”
“Yeah. I took your advice about trying Internet dating.” The rice seemed to choke him as he remembered eyes, leaf green with tears. He picked up his thermos and drank.
“Hmm. Seems like there’s a story there.” Dr. Suzuki took more notes. “Where do you want to start?”
“How about with Boss Lady? She pissed me off so bad I almost hit her.” Adam felt remembered rage flush through his body.
“Okay, stop.” Dr. Suzuki’s voice was a whipcrack, bringing him up short. “First of all, no one ‘makes you mad.’ Don’t give away your power. Own your emotion—you felt so angry you wanted to hit her.”
“Okay.” This was a new idea, and Adam let it settle in. “But I’d argue anyone would have been angry with being blackmailed.” He described his conversation with Alixia Lepler.
“Did you try the breathing I showed you?”
“Yeah. Actually, it’s really been helpful several times. I told her to burn in hell, walked out, and spent the morning surfing until I felt ready to go home and deal with my mother. By then Mama was feeling a little better, had gotten out of bed. Charl was glad to take the baby and go home. Then I had my date.”
“Okay. We have a lot to cover here, but let’s start with Mrs. Lepler. I want you to take some steps to protect yourself. Next time she proposes something, I want you to try to record her. You don’t know what she’s going to do. In my experience, some of these narcissistic, sadistic types enjoy the game; they don’t mind who they hurt. They get off on it.”
“Yeah, that’s her. It made her hot to try to get me literally on my knees.” Adam’s fists bunched.
“Do your breathing.” She led him through a couple, and he sat back on the couch.
“Damn. Here’s the thing—I think I’m so mad at my ex, at Alixia Lepler, that it made me throw this other woman over.”
“Okay, stop there.” Dr. Suzuki caught his eye. She’d drawn her finely marked brows together in the slight scrunch that passed for a frown. “I am going to keep stopping you when I hear you using externalizing language. The language we use defines our reality, and I’m going to assume you can keep up with me when I say that.”
“Of course.” His pride pricked, Adam frowned back. “Externalizing language. Explain.”
“You give away your power and blame others when you say things like “she made me.” No one makes anyone do anything. We all have free will; we all make choices. I want to hear you reframe that comment into owning your emotions and your choices. Trust me. It takes some work, but you’ll begin to feel more in control of your anger when you stop blaming others.”
“Honestly? I didn’t know I was doing that.” Adam felt defensive but decided her comments had potential. He stared at the ceiling, thinking of how to phrase his thoughts. “Okay. Here goes. I’ve felt so angry with Mrs. Lepler’s behavior toward me, and with my ex for her choices, that I’ve become suspicious and maybe a little bit overreactive.” He was satisfied with this summary. “So when I met this woman on my first Internet date and we had this amazing chemistry—I mean amazing—I just…” He sat forward, his face in his hands. Shook his head. “It freaked me out. Then she told me something that made it easy for me to walk away.”
“What did she tell you?”
“She said she liked me and remembered I said I wanted honesty. She told me she wasn’t ready to date and was still hung up on her ex.”
Dr. Suzuki shook her head, her eyes down, and made a note on her pad. Adam felt anger washing over the hurt of rejection as he remembered Zoe’s words. “She
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