been that nice and soft with me. If Odetta was gonna be treating me like this, then I sho’ could bring myself to get used to her kindness. Big Mama had been nice to me too sometimes. I mean, she let me go everywhere with her, and she taught me to plait her hair and oil the heels of her feet with Pond’s cold cream. Big Mama even showed me how to pick blackheads out her back and from round her nose. I never minded doin’ these things for her, ’cause at least I wasn’t being whooped or put down.
My eyes got hot, and I started feeling sorry for Big Mama the more I thought on her. She was just a li’l ole woman who’d took care of me. For all I knowed, maybe she was out looking for me now. I sho’ didn’t wanna make no trouble for her and have everybody mad at me. Odetta must’ve heard me thinking, ’cause she looked up and told me all was gonna be fine. She touched her bent fingers to my face and dragged the back side of her hand ’cross my cheek. I could feel what she was meaning; I’d felt it b’fore when watchin’ mamas and they babies, when the mamas touch the li’l ones in a way where they don’t have to say they like ’em or that they sorry for the hurt a child must be feeling. And now I figured Odetta must’ve been feeling that for me.
“Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep. If I should die b’fore I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take. God bless Big Mama, Doretha, and any bad kids like me that gets whoopin’s. I’m sorry, God, if I really did do somethin’ wrong. And please, Lord, send me my mama.” I said my prayers and climbed in bed next to Odetta. I scooted way over towards the edge so I wasn’t in her way. I didn’t wanna wear out my welcome.
I had learned all ’bout welcomes from Lula. She’d told Sister and me that we’d long since stayed way past quitting time. And any time we wanted to quit, she’d be happy to oblige us. The grown folks never really said anything to her, either, when Lula made fun at me and Doretha. They’d just laugh it off and tell her to not be so conniving. I hated that Lula Mae got to get away wit’ whatever she wanted to. I really couldn’t wait till I got grown.
After closing my eyes, I secretly asked God to tell Big Mama I was sorry, and not to be mad at me for leaving and to let her know that I wasn’t quittin’, I just needed a break from Lula.
I looked round the room, letting my eyes get used to the darkness. Odetta’s house was strange to me, so my eyes seen nothing that made ’em feel like home. At Big Mama’s there was always a light left on in the bathroom so that nobody got scared at night. And I always knew that Daddy Lent was in the house at all times, when he wasn’t fishing or working, keeping it protected from the boogeyman and vampires. Daddy Lent might’ve said three words the whole time I knowed him, but all the same I liked him being there. But here, at Odetta’s, it was quiet; the kind of quiet that could only be heard in darkness. The kind of quiet that showed you something was really wrong wit’ the way things was.
From the looks of things, Odetta didn’t have no husband to protect us—at least not one that I could find. I’d looked on both sides of the bed to see if a pair of men’s house shoes was partially hanging out, like Daddy Lent’s would be, and I saw nothing. Nor was there a striped burgundy-and-off-yellow man’s housecoat hung up on a nail on the back of the bathroom door that smelled like Old Spice and Bugle Boy tobacco pipe smoke.
As I laid awake, I let my mind wander on the thought that maybe my so-called daddy, Glenn, was never round me ’cause his daddy wasn’t round him. But for the life of me, I couldn’t figure out why my mama just liked chasing after other women’s mens. Whatever the truth was for the both of them, all I knowed was that I was never gonna be like none of them folks from Austin. I wasn’t gonna ever have li’l kids and leave ’em in a place with
My eyes got hot, and I started feeling sorry for Big Mama the more I thought on her. She was just a li’l ole woman who’d took care of me. For all I knowed, maybe she was out looking for me now. I sho’ didn’t wanna make no trouble for her and have everybody mad at me. Odetta must’ve heard me thinking, ’cause she looked up and told me all was gonna be fine. She touched her bent fingers to my face and dragged the back side of her hand ’cross my cheek. I could feel what she was meaning; I’d felt it b’fore when watchin’ mamas and they babies, when the mamas touch the li’l ones in a way where they don’t have to say they like ’em or that they sorry for the hurt a child must be feeling. And now I figured Odetta must’ve been feeling that for me.
“Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep. If I should die b’fore I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take. God bless Big Mama, Doretha, and any bad kids like me that gets whoopin’s. I’m sorry, God, if I really did do somethin’ wrong. And please, Lord, send me my mama.” I said my prayers and climbed in bed next to Odetta. I scooted way over towards the edge so I wasn’t in her way. I didn’t wanna wear out my welcome.
I had learned all ’bout welcomes from Lula. She’d told Sister and me that we’d long since stayed way past quitting time. And any time we wanted to quit, she’d be happy to oblige us. The grown folks never really said anything to her, either, when Lula made fun at me and Doretha. They’d just laugh it off and tell her to not be so conniving. I hated that Lula Mae got to get away wit’ whatever she wanted to. I really couldn’t wait till I got grown.
After closing my eyes, I secretly asked God to tell Big Mama I was sorry, and not to be mad at me for leaving and to let her know that I wasn’t quittin’, I just needed a break from Lula.
I looked round the room, letting my eyes get used to the darkness. Odetta’s house was strange to me, so my eyes seen nothing that made ’em feel like home. At Big Mama’s there was always a light left on in the bathroom so that nobody got scared at night. And I always knew that Daddy Lent was in the house at all times, when he wasn’t fishing or working, keeping it protected from the boogeyman and vampires. Daddy Lent might’ve said three words the whole time I knowed him, but all the same I liked him being there. But here, at Odetta’s, it was quiet; the kind of quiet that could only be heard in darkness. The kind of quiet that showed you something was really wrong wit’ the way things was.
From the looks of things, Odetta didn’t have no husband to protect us—at least not one that I could find. I’d looked on both sides of the bed to see if a pair of men’s house shoes was partially hanging out, like Daddy Lent’s would be, and I saw nothing. Nor was there a striped burgundy-and-off-yellow man’s housecoat hung up on a nail on the back of the bathroom door that smelled like Old Spice and Bugle Boy tobacco pipe smoke.
As I laid awake, I let my mind wander on the thought that maybe my so-called daddy, Glenn, was never round me ’cause his daddy wasn’t round him. But for the life of me, I couldn’t figure out why my mama just liked chasing after other women’s mens. Whatever the truth was for the both of them, all I knowed was that I was never gonna be like none of them folks from Austin. I wasn’t gonna ever have li’l kids and leave ’em in a place with
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