Read Online Size Matters Not: The Extraordinary Life and Career of Warwick Davis by Warwick Davis - Free Book Online
Authors: Warwick Davis
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often?
Professor Gasm: Frequently, more than is good for my health, I fear.
Professor Org: Coffee?
Professor Gasm: Don’t mind if I do.
Professor Org: Cream?
Professor Gasm: Oh, yes, please, one can never have too much.
And on it went.
I’m not sure the sensitive Mrs. Reynolds ever really recovered from the two professors; she was more appreciative of the girls who did complex studies about motion and modern interpretations of Middle Age plays.
Fortunately, it did go down rather better with our female classmates who, surprisingly to us, laughed along quite merrily, and it was this very response that saved us from being booted out. It also inspired us to do lots of other daft things, like reenacting scenes from the Twilight Zone movie for our graduation tests, and overdubbing the Star Wars movies with silly voices and giving the films a very different plot.
Although an extrovert, I could still be pretty awkward in some social situations and would often run out of things to say. Daniel, on the other hand, was just brilliantly social and he always broke the ice, even if it was with a window-rattling fart.
He was also very lucky with the ladies. While most teenage boys stared awkwardly from across the classroom, Daniel adopted the fearless approach of asking out girls he liked immediately.
I had no success whatsoever. I couldn’t understand it – I mean, what’s not to love? I was a good-looking movie star, if I say so myself . . . just a little bit below average in height. No different from Tom Cruise. But the teenage ladies at school wanted to fit in with all their friends and so they dated tall people. The height thing was hugely important to them. While most girls were more than happy to be my friend, none were prepared to go that extra mile (or two feet) and become a girlfriend.
Daniel, however, was never short of a girlfriend. It was a complete mystery to me; he was lanky, had disgusting habits, listened to awful music, and had ridiculously long hair (by this time I was sporting a particularly fine and fashionable mullet).
There was one occasion where we both fancied the same girl. Blinded by a combination of her beauty and my own hormones, I resorted to dastardly methods to sabotage Daniel’s advances. I wrote a letter explaining why Daniel didn’t like her and couldn’t go out with her and that I, on the other hand, would be delighted to take her out. At the last moment, I couldn’t bring myself to slip it into her desk, so I ripped the letter up and threw it into an empty locker.
It was around this time that Daniel said, “Do you realize we’ve just had a conversation without either of us mentioning Star Wars once?”
Bloody hell, I thought, we’ve only gone and become friends!
a A large chain of roadside restaurants famous for their “Olympic Breakfast.” I don’t think you’d win a gold medal immediately after finishing one, however.
b Apparently, Ewokese was inspired by the dialect spoken by a remote Central Chinese tribe. Having said that, some fans have noticed that one of the songs sung by the Ewoks sounds like “ Det luktar flingor här ,” which is Swedish for “It smells of cereal here.” I must admit that some of the Ewok costumes did smell a little like stale Rice Krispies.
c No, I wasn’t.
d I know, I know.
e Sorry, I couldn’t resist.
f Their names escape me. You’ll just have to take my word for it.
Chapter Five
Return of the Ewok
I made a special guest appearance at George Lucas’s four-year-old daughter’s birthday party. The kids got a tad overexcited and almost fed me to death.
A thank-you note to Wicket from Amanda Lucas.
Wake up, Warwick!”
It was my sister. What the hell was she doing in my bedroom and waking me up? “Go away!”
“Someone’s throwing stones at the house!”
“What?” I sat up. Sure enough, I could hear what
Professor Gasm: Frequently, more than is good for my health, I fear.
Professor Org: Coffee?
Professor Gasm: Don’t mind if I do.
Professor Org: Cream?
Professor Gasm: Oh, yes, please, one can never have too much.
And on it went.
I’m not sure the sensitive Mrs. Reynolds ever really recovered from the two professors; she was more appreciative of the girls who did complex studies about motion and modern interpretations of Middle Age plays.
Fortunately, it did go down rather better with our female classmates who, surprisingly to us, laughed along quite merrily, and it was this very response that saved us from being booted out. It also inspired us to do lots of other daft things, like reenacting scenes from the Twilight Zone movie for our graduation tests, and overdubbing the Star Wars movies with silly voices and giving the films a very different plot.
Although an extrovert, I could still be pretty awkward in some social situations and would often run out of things to say. Daniel, on the other hand, was just brilliantly social and he always broke the ice, even if it was with a window-rattling fart.
He was also very lucky with the ladies. While most teenage boys stared awkwardly from across the classroom, Daniel adopted the fearless approach of asking out girls he liked immediately.
I had no success whatsoever. I couldn’t understand it – I mean, what’s not to love? I was a good-looking movie star, if I say so myself . . . just a little bit below average in height. No different from Tom Cruise. But the teenage ladies at school wanted to fit in with all their friends and so they dated tall people. The height thing was hugely important to them. While most girls were more than happy to be my friend, none were prepared to go that extra mile (or two feet) and become a girlfriend.
Daniel, however, was never short of a girlfriend. It was a complete mystery to me; he was lanky, had disgusting habits, listened to awful music, and had ridiculously long hair (by this time I was sporting a particularly fine and fashionable mullet).
There was one occasion where we both fancied the same girl. Blinded by a combination of her beauty and my own hormones, I resorted to dastardly methods to sabotage Daniel’s advances. I wrote a letter explaining why Daniel didn’t like her and couldn’t go out with her and that I, on the other hand, would be delighted to take her out. At the last moment, I couldn’t bring myself to slip it into her desk, so I ripped the letter up and threw it into an empty locker.
It was around this time that Daniel said, “Do you realize we’ve just had a conversation without either of us mentioning Star Wars once?”
Bloody hell, I thought, we’ve only gone and become friends!
a A large chain of roadside restaurants famous for their “Olympic Breakfast.” I don’t think you’d win a gold medal immediately after finishing one, however.
b Apparently, Ewokese was inspired by the dialect spoken by a remote Central Chinese tribe. Having said that, some fans have noticed that one of the songs sung by the Ewoks sounds like “ Det luktar flingor här ,” which is Swedish for “It smells of cereal here.” I must admit that some of the Ewok costumes did smell a little like stale Rice Krispies.
c No, I wasn’t.
d I know, I know.
e Sorry, I couldn’t resist.
f Their names escape me. You’ll just have to take my word for it.
Chapter Five
Return of the Ewok
I made a special guest appearance at George Lucas’s four-year-old daughter’s birthday party. The kids got a tad overexcited and almost fed me to death.
A thank-you note to Wicket from Amanda Lucas.
Wake up, Warwick!”
It was my sister. What the hell was she doing in my bedroom and waking me up? “Go away!”
“Someone’s throwing stones at the house!”
“What?” I sat up. Sure enough, I could hear what
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