disappointment. Her already-strung-too-tight nerves twanged a little. “I’m sorry, did you think you’d cornered that market? Or is cynicism permitted only to jaded, world-weary super-spies?”
“Will you cut it out with the super-spy thing?” He shoved a hand through his hair, looking peeved.
Another emotion surfaces. McShane, sensitive? She’d thought him impervious to the opinion of others. But like it or not, his sensitivity to the subject caught at her. As did everything about him.
She scowled. “Only if you cut it out with the ‘let’s rescue the poor blonde from herself’ attitude.”
“I never said anything like that.”
“With you, words generally aren’t necessary.” His frown deepened. She lifted a hand before he could respond. “Truce. I’m sorry. Really. It’s tension and stress on my part. No excuse, I know, since I asked you to join this little party.”
He folded his arms on the back of the chair and regarded her silently. She wasn’t aware she was grinding her teeth until her jaw began to ache. “It’s just that, as you know, I have a little trouble with authority types.” His sudden smile did next to nothing to slow the rollercoaster of her emotions. How could she be angry and incredibly turned on at the same time?
“You sit there and stare at me with that damned inscrutable ‘I know more about life than you could ever hope to, girly-girl’ look, and it drives me insane.”
He lifted one eyebrow. “Girly-girl? I don’t believe I would ever say that, nor would I ever mean to insinuateit.” He straightened his back and his arms at the same time.
It was not a great time to notice the wire-hard veins under his tan skin or how sculpted his forearms were.
“As to you having blond moments …” He shrugged.
She smacked him hard on the shoulder. He didn’t so much as flinch, but she could tell she’d surprised him.
They both stared at each other. John cracked first. His chuckle modulated into an honest-to-goodness laugh. It was rich and deep-timbred. It totally transformed him.
His eyes held warmth when he laughed. The lines fanning out from the corners, which normally underscored his “been there done it all” adventurer look, now made him appear like a man who embraced life. She almost believed he laughed easily and often.
It hit her then just how little she truly knew about the man. Maybe he laughed all the time. Maybe he was the type who partied his way through assignments, never taking his life—or anyone else’s—too seriously.
No. She hadn’t gotten to know him very well by the time Nathan died, but the brief time they had shared had been intense. He’d been overly serious and overtly dedicated—as well as impatient, demanding, and intimidating. Especially when things—namely people—got in the way of his getting the job done.
She’d been one of those people.
As their laughter faded she watched the life and warmth slowly ebb out of his eyes.
“Why do you do that?” The question was out before she had a chance to think about the wisdom of asking it.
“What? Laugh?”
She knew he’d purposely misunderstood her. What was he hiding? What other emotions lurked under that cool, gray surface?
He shrugged, but for the first time Cali wondered at his apparent nonchalance.
What gets to you, John McShane?
She leaned on one elbow, studying his face openly now. “You don’t usually laugh, do you?”
If it was possible, his expression became even more remote. “I think we have better things to talk about than my sense of humor.”
“I wasn’t questioning that.” She didn’t know why she persisted, except that she’d discovered a nick in his armor. It beguiled her and distracted her. The combination was downright irresistible.
“There’s a difference between comprehending that something is funny and allowing yourself to let go and laugh out loud. But my original question wasn’t about you laughing. I just wondered why you shut down as soon as
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