would think being an author would be an odd career choice for one who feared rejection, and they would be right. But having a potential reader pick up my book in a bookstore, then put it down in favor of another has the distinct advantage of the fact that Iâm not there to see it. I can live with that.
* * *
THE DOCTOR IS IN
One of the best things about self-analysis is that thereâs nobody to tell you youâre wrong. I have a doctorate in the subject, issued by the prestigious Dorien Grey University and Storm Door Company, and I have been my patient now long before I received my degree. The results of my efforts are, as you may have noticed, published on my website every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.
I also, of course, am well qualified at analyzing others as well and consider myself something of the Jiffy-Lube of psychoanalysis. You have a problem? Just bring it to me for resolution.
In my active-in-the-community days, I seemed to be a magnet for people with problems, which I was more than eager to take on. It bordered on being a Messiah complex: âSuffer little emotionally insecure gay men to come unto me.â Lord knows there were enough of them. Iâm quite sure that one of the major reasons I did it was that in devoting my time to their problems, I didnât have to spend too much time concentrating on my own (one of which, of course, was why and how I really felt qualified to tell other people how to live their lives). I have occasionally looked back with true regret on the amount of money I spent on these people.
It really was rather fascinating: I would walk into a crowded bar and some sort of mystic sonar would start radiating from me across the room: âEmotionally needy? Right this way.â Apparently those who responded saw something in meâ¦a certain stability, perhaps. And compared to some of them, I was indeed the Rock of Gibraltar to their sand castles.
Perhaps there was something of the Pygmalion complex involved. Iâve always secretly enjoyed control. By taking on people with damaged psyches, I was in effect playing Savior of Lost Souls.
Let me say in my own behalf that occasionally I really do feel that I did some good. For one thing, I genuinely did care and I did try to do something to help. Unfortunately, too many times they were shattered into such tiny pieces I doubt anyone could ever have put them back together.
And there were, of course, disasters from which I never fully recovered, specifically with one-who-shall-remain-nameless who cost me far more than $10,000 over a calamitous two-year relationship. I think Iâve discussed that one before, but my only excuse for having put up with it was that it was at the time that my mother was dying, and I had far more important things on my mind.
But the fact of the matter is that there are so very many people out there who are, truly, lost and who really can benefit from the help and advice of others. Just listening with an open mind and heart can do a lot. And it is also true that, having led the checkered life I have, I do believe I have a high sense of empathy and can understand how and why people feel like they do. I should point out that this is far more true of gays than heterosexuals who, though I have lived among them all my life, are still largely incomprehensible to me.
Being out of the gay mainstream now, I donât have the opportunityâ¦or as much of a desireâ¦to play Lucy van Pelt sitting on the curb with her little âThe Doctor Is Inâ stand. But, hey, if you have a problem, Iâm willing to listen.
RULES OF THE ROAD
AN AGNOSTICâS CHRISTMAS
Writing this on Christmas morning, while having my morning coffee and chocolate donut (remember âRuts and Routinesâ?) and listening to âWhat Child is Thisâ on public radio, I was thinking of what a short shrift is given to agnostics, who are invariably and totally erroneously lumped in with atheists. Atheists
* * *
THE DOCTOR IS IN
One of the best things about self-analysis is that thereâs nobody to tell you youâre wrong. I have a doctorate in the subject, issued by the prestigious Dorien Grey University and Storm Door Company, and I have been my patient now long before I received my degree. The results of my efforts are, as you may have noticed, published on my website every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.
I also, of course, am well qualified at analyzing others as well and consider myself something of the Jiffy-Lube of psychoanalysis. You have a problem? Just bring it to me for resolution.
In my active-in-the-community days, I seemed to be a magnet for people with problems, which I was more than eager to take on. It bordered on being a Messiah complex: âSuffer little emotionally insecure gay men to come unto me.â Lord knows there were enough of them. Iâm quite sure that one of the major reasons I did it was that in devoting my time to their problems, I didnât have to spend too much time concentrating on my own (one of which, of course, was why and how I really felt qualified to tell other people how to live their lives). I have occasionally looked back with true regret on the amount of money I spent on these people.
It really was rather fascinating: I would walk into a crowded bar and some sort of mystic sonar would start radiating from me across the room: âEmotionally needy? Right this way.â Apparently those who responded saw something in meâ¦a certain stability, perhaps. And compared to some of them, I was indeed the Rock of Gibraltar to their sand castles.
Perhaps there was something of the Pygmalion complex involved. Iâve always secretly enjoyed control. By taking on people with damaged psyches, I was in effect playing Savior of Lost Souls.
Let me say in my own behalf that occasionally I really do feel that I did some good. For one thing, I genuinely did care and I did try to do something to help. Unfortunately, too many times they were shattered into such tiny pieces I doubt anyone could ever have put them back together.
And there were, of course, disasters from which I never fully recovered, specifically with one-who-shall-remain-nameless who cost me far more than $10,000 over a calamitous two-year relationship. I think Iâve discussed that one before, but my only excuse for having put up with it was that it was at the time that my mother was dying, and I had far more important things on my mind.
But the fact of the matter is that there are so very many people out there who are, truly, lost and who really can benefit from the help and advice of others. Just listening with an open mind and heart can do a lot. And it is also true that, having led the checkered life I have, I do believe I have a high sense of empathy and can understand how and why people feel like they do. I should point out that this is far more true of gays than heterosexuals who, though I have lived among them all my life, are still largely incomprehensible to me.
Being out of the gay mainstream now, I donât have the opportunityâ¦or as much of a desireâ¦to play Lucy van Pelt sitting on the curb with her little âThe Doctor Is Inâ stand. But, hey, if you have a problem, Iâm willing to listen.
RULES OF THE ROAD
AN AGNOSTICâS CHRISTMAS
Writing this on Christmas morning, while having my morning coffee and chocolate donut (remember âRuts and Routinesâ?) and listening to âWhat Child is Thisâ on public radio, I was thinking of what a short shrift is given to agnostics, who are invariably and totally erroneously lumped in with atheists. Atheists
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