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Thorgunn working together. I knew they were talking about me but had no interest in what they were saying. Then one day the fire was lit in the bathhouse. I was carried out, helped to wash and left in the steamy heat, alone. I lay on the smooth, warm wooden bench. My body felt clean, fresh and warm but this seemed only to intensify the agony in my mind. I thought of my murdered father, my mother who had denied me and my love who had left me. My tears were unfrozen and I cried myself to sleep.
    I woke when I felt the cold draught from the door opening and closing. My head heavy with the heat and my vision blurred by the steam, I accepted the horn of sweet mead and drank it down. Someone lay down next to me. In my confused state I thought it was Ragnar and I responded with passion to Hauk’s embrace.
    The night after Hauk had come to me in the sauna I retired early and closed the curtains around the bed. I lay there listening to sounds of the household preparing for the night. The table was cleared. Bedding was spread on the benches and on the floor. Soon I could hear snoring from the karls and servants sleeping in the hall. Then the bed-curtains parted and Hauk climbed in next to me. I turned my back to him and pretended to be asleep. His hand slid along my body under the covers. I went stiff.
    â€˜What’s now, Sigrid? You were frisky enough in the sauna yesterday. Does it take hot steam and mead to get you in the mood every time?’ Hauk spoke softly but couldn’t disguise the satisfaction in his voice. His hand gripped my shoulder and rolled me over onto my back. I kept my eyes shut so I didn’t have to look at him. ‘Now listen, your father is dead, your mother has been abducted and both your brothers have disappeared. You have no one but me.’
    I still had no voice but, in any case, there was nothing to argue with in his conclusion. I nodded my head once to show I understood. His hand moved across my body. His fingers began stroking me. I tried to push him away and he got angry.
    â€˜What’s the matter with you woman? You liked it well enough yesterday. What’s different? I know a man has had you before. Ingefried tells me you were raped. It is better if you help me believe that. Now treat me like a husband.’
    Ingefried knew before I did. ‘Are you unwell, Sigrid? You’re pale and you keep leaving the hearth. I’ve several times had to save your stew from burning.’
    â€˜My stomach turns at the smell of cooking. I thought it would pass but it has persisted. Maybe you have a herb to help settle me.’
    She smiled. ‘And has your body given blood the usual way at each moon?’ I hadn’t thought to follow the changing shape of the moon so I didn’t know. ‘No herbs for you my child. In another turn of the moon, we’ll be sure and then we can tell Hauk his first son is on his way.’
    â€˜I’m with child? But I…’
    â€˜Too soon to say for sure but these are the usual signs.’
    I went limp and had to sit down while Ingefried, beaming, went off on a long tirade about my mother’s pregnancies, miscarriages and childbirths. I didn’t listen. My thoughts were so crowded they seemed to be fighting inside my head. A baby. What was I to do? Ingefried brought me back when she stopped and put her face close to mine. Her demeanour changed, gone was the sparkle. Her eyes stared with the light blue of a cold winter’s day and her lips trembled.
    â€˜When did you first know a man, Sigrid? Who, apart from Hauk, could be the father? I told him you’d been raped by one of Hakon’s men but I know I told a lie. So how long ago did you lose your maidenhood? Can we make Hauk believe the child is his? Oh Sigrid, bastard or not, my Gudrun’s grandchild must not be put to death.’

6.
    I was the cause of Hauk’s death. I regret the way it happened. He wasn’t a bad man, my father was right about that,