Read Online Sex and Death in the American Novel by Sarah Martinez - Free Book Online
Authors: Sarah Martinez
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up the appropriate email address while she stalked around the kitchen smoking.
“And don't forget the Spokesman Review …” she added.
“You're kidding.”
“What if someone is traveling…or…”
I almost tossed the laptop across the room but the desperate look on her face stopped me. “Okay, Mom. I'll send one there too.”
Mom located a church in Seattle, near where we used to live, where we could hold the service. I knew she was happy because the church was much more elaborate than anything she could have found on the island.
The service was heavily attended by everyone from old girlfriends to acquaintances of both of my parents, and some of Tristan's old students and band mates.
Leah, my brother's most serious girlfriend, showed up early as she promised she would. We met her at her car and we both hugged her. The last time I saw her she had long hair with purple streaks through it. Now she wore a short brown bob and a black dress over patterned black tights. Mom made small talk for a couple of minutes—which seemed completely inappropriate—until I thought I was going to jump out of my skin. I turned to Leah. “Did you bring it?”
“Sure did, sweetie.” She reached into the backseat of her car and brought out her guitar case and dug several pieces of sheet music from her purse.
“What's this?” my mother asked.
“She's going to play ‘Fade to Black’. Remember, Tristan wanted to play that at Dad's funeral.”
My mother looked from me to Leah. “I know you two mean well, but I am not sure that is the best idea.”
“Vivi already talked to me about how you'd want it played really soft,” Leah said.
My mother continued to bare her teeth in what was supposed to be a smile and we began moving forward.
Leah looked from me to my mother before turning toward the church. “Well, you two just let me know what you want and I will play that.”
I could tell Mom wasn't happy, but hoped she would just let this one small thing go. When Leah went through the doorway, my mother stopped me.
“Look, I know you have your brother's interests in mind here, and I do remember your father's funeral, but it wasn't appropriate then and it is not appropriate now.”
“Why the fuck not? Tristan was my brother too . Why do you have to be in charge of everything? Why can't this be for everyone?”
“It is, my girl. Everyone is welcome. Look, there is Eric…” She was trying that old ploy she used on me as a kid, redirection, as if that could possibly work now.
“Mom. Mom. Stop. I am still talking here,” I said when she tried to walk away. “Music was important to him. This is his funeral. Not yours.”
Eric stood before us with his lips pursed. Leah was talking to the priest and setting up near the side of the altar.
My mother swept her eyes across the pews and the people settling in. “This just isn't appropriate, that is not music for a church service.”
“Who says?”
She crossed her arms. “I say.”
I was not going to lose this one. It felt like the last battle to save my brother's honor, or his soul, or his memory, or my sanity.
I didn't blink and she didn't blink until I said, “I am going to tell Leah to play it and if you try to stop her or me I will scream my goddam head off until everyone is watching us. Would you rather have that?”
Her face turned red. I was glad to see the reaction. It felt good to hurt her. I left her there with Eric while I went to tell Leah to continue with our original plan. When I came back she was dabbing her eyes and squeezing Eric's hand.
I hugged him and I didn't let go for several long minutes. He let me hang on him and held my mother's hand at the same time. Finally he spoke into my hair, “How you doing babe?”
At the sound of his voice I started crying, big gulping sobs from deep in my stomach, making my eyes bug out and my face hurt. My mother smoothed the front of her suit and went to talk to the priest. Eric walked outside with me.
We sat
“And don't forget the Spokesman Review …” she added.
“You're kidding.”
“What if someone is traveling…or…”
I almost tossed the laptop across the room but the desperate look on her face stopped me. “Okay, Mom. I'll send one there too.”
Mom located a church in Seattle, near where we used to live, where we could hold the service. I knew she was happy because the church was much more elaborate than anything she could have found on the island.
The service was heavily attended by everyone from old girlfriends to acquaintances of both of my parents, and some of Tristan's old students and band mates.
Leah, my brother's most serious girlfriend, showed up early as she promised she would. We met her at her car and we both hugged her. The last time I saw her she had long hair with purple streaks through it. Now she wore a short brown bob and a black dress over patterned black tights. Mom made small talk for a couple of minutes—which seemed completely inappropriate—until I thought I was going to jump out of my skin. I turned to Leah. “Did you bring it?”
“Sure did, sweetie.” She reached into the backseat of her car and brought out her guitar case and dug several pieces of sheet music from her purse.
“What's this?” my mother asked.
“She's going to play ‘Fade to Black’. Remember, Tristan wanted to play that at Dad's funeral.”
My mother looked from me to Leah. “I know you two mean well, but I am not sure that is the best idea.”
“Vivi already talked to me about how you'd want it played really soft,” Leah said.
My mother continued to bare her teeth in what was supposed to be a smile and we began moving forward.
Leah looked from me to my mother before turning toward the church. “Well, you two just let me know what you want and I will play that.”
I could tell Mom wasn't happy, but hoped she would just let this one small thing go. When Leah went through the doorway, my mother stopped me.
“Look, I know you have your brother's interests in mind here, and I do remember your father's funeral, but it wasn't appropriate then and it is not appropriate now.”
“Why the fuck not? Tristan was my brother too . Why do you have to be in charge of everything? Why can't this be for everyone?”
“It is, my girl. Everyone is welcome. Look, there is Eric…” She was trying that old ploy she used on me as a kid, redirection, as if that could possibly work now.
“Mom. Mom. Stop. I am still talking here,” I said when she tried to walk away. “Music was important to him. This is his funeral. Not yours.”
Eric stood before us with his lips pursed. Leah was talking to the priest and setting up near the side of the altar.
My mother swept her eyes across the pews and the people settling in. “This just isn't appropriate, that is not music for a church service.”
“Who says?”
She crossed her arms. “I say.”
I was not going to lose this one. It felt like the last battle to save my brother's honor, or his soul, or his memory, or my sanity.
I didn't blink and she didn't blink until I said, “I am going to tell Leah to play it and if you try to stop her or me I will scream my goddam head off until everyone is watching us. Would you rather have that?”
Her face turned red. I was glad to see the reaction. It felt good to hurt her. I left her there with Eric while I went to tell Leah to continue with our original plan. When I came back she was dabbing her eyes and squeezing Eric's hand.
I hugged him and I didn't let go for several long minutes. He let me hang on him and held my mother's hand at the same time. Finally he spoke into my hair, “How you doing babe?”
At the sound of his voice I started crying, big gulping sobs from deep in my stomach, making my eyes bug out and my face hurt. My mother smoothed the front of her suit and went to talk to the priest. Eric walked outside with me.
We sat
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