Read Online Set This House in Order by Matt Ruff - Free Book Online

me?” I said.
    â€œYou heard her,” said Adam, sounding amused. “What word is giving you trouble, ‘shithole’ or ‘motherfucking’?”
    Penny uncrossed her arms. She blinked and turned to me again, seeming freshly alarmed to find me standing right next to her. This time she didn’t jump or squeak; but she stepped back as abruptly as she had come forward. Her back once more to the door, she raised her hand in a timid wave hello.
    â€œHi,” she said.
    â€œHi,” I said back.
    â€œHello,” said Adam. “Did anybody just see a parade go by?”
    Julie appeared from between two tents, with a glum-faced Irwin trailing after her. “Hi, Penny!” she called, adding, with a nod to me: “I see you two have met.”
    â€œKind of,” I said. It was a morning for peculiar behavior, apparently: as Julie approached us, I could have sworn I saw something funny in her expression—a hint of smugness in her smile, some private amusement in her eyes—but then I shrugged it off, thinking it must have something to do with the fight she’d had with Irwin. Adam might have told me differently, but he was still focused on Penny.
    â€œSo,” said Julie, coming to stand beside us, “I guess formal introductions are in order. Andrew Gage, this is Penny Driver. Penny, this is Andrew.”
    â€œPleased to meet you, Penny,” I said, and once again offered my hand. This time she shook it, though I could see she didn’t want to. I pumped her arm once, gently, and let it go.
    â€œActually,” said Julie, “she likes to be called Mouse.”
    â€œNo she doesn’t,” observed Adam from the pulpit. “Did you see the way she flinched just then? She hates being called Mouse.”
    â€œAdam,” I asked, being careful not to speak the words aloud, “does Julie seem weird to you this morning? She’s got this look on her face, like—”
    â€œHi, Mouse!” Dennis Manciple’s voice boomed out. He came out of his tent with his top three shirt buttons unbuttoned, drawing an instant scowl from Julie. “Dennis!” she snapped, pinching the lapels of her own blouse together.
    Dennis ignored the signal. His chest hair exposed to the world, he marched up to Penny and grabbed her hand so roughly he nearly yanked her off her feet. “Nice to meet you, Mouse!”
    â€œHe likes her,” Adam snickered. “He thinks she’s sexy …but she thinks he’s a big fat disgusting pig boy.”
    I thought that last bit might be a projection on Adam’s part—although it’s true that as Dennis shook her hand, Penny looked as though she’d stuck her fingers in something nasty. “But what about Julie, Adam?”
    â€œI don’t know,” Adam said. “She’s always a little weird anyway, so it could be nothing. Or maybe she’s got some half-assed idea about getting the two of you together.”
    â€œThe two of us—you mean me and Penny? Like boyfriend and girlfriend?”
    â€œYeah.” More snickering. “‘Like boyfriend and girlfriend.’ That could be it…or maybe she’s seen the parade, too.”
    â€œWhat parade? What are you talking about?”
    â€œJust pay attention,” said Adam. “You’ll see it.”
    Dennis was still shaking Penny’s hand; he seemed prepared to go on shaking it all day. “Enough, already!” Julie said. She stepped between them and flicked her hand impatiently at Dennis’s open shirtfront. “What did I tell you about this?”
    â€œA thousand pardons, O Great One,” said Dennis. He rebuttoned himself, but he took his time doing it.
    â€œAsshole.” Julie turned and flashed an apologetic smile at Penny. “Sorry,” Julie said. “As you can see, we’re pretty informal here—a little too informal, sometimes. This nudist is Dennis Manciple. And