glass so tightly in my
hand I thought it would break.
'But you do kind of owe it to Kerry, don't
you?' His voice was still soft and insinuating. 'After what happened. Mmm?
Mmm?'
'Sorry?' said Kerry.
I stared at Brendan. There was red behind
my eyes and I thought of throwing my wine into his face, of smashing my glass
against his cheek, of kicking him in the legs, punching him as hard as I could
in his belly, pushing him violently out of the door.
'Miranda?' said Kerry. 'Just a few days?'
I turned to her and tried to focus on her
reproachful face. I thought of lying in my bed and knowing Brendan was a few
feet away, on the sofa, with my sister. Of getting up in the morning and seeing
him sitting at the kitchen table, as if he belonged there. Bumping into him on
my way to the bathroom . . . But maybe I could stay with Nick for a night or
two, or even with Laura. Maybe go away for the weekend somewhere. Anywhere.
'All right,' I said. 'One week.'
Kerry gripped my hand, and Brendan came
towards me with outstretched arms. If he touched me, I would scream, vomit,
become violent. I ducked out of reach.
'I'm going to have that interrupted bath
now,' I said. 'Finish your wine.'
The water was tepid, but I lowered myself
into it anyway. I closed my eyes and sank beneath the surface, where I waited
for my heart to stop battering itself against my chest. When I came up for air,
I heard a knocking at the door, Brendan calling my name.
'What?'
'The phone for you. I answered it. Hope
you don't mind.'
'Who is it?' I asked, reaching for a
towel.
'Someone called Nick,' said Brendan. 'He
seemed a bit surprised to get me.'
I yanked open the door and marched through
to the living room. 'I'll take it in my bedroom. You can put it down out here.'
'Is this Nick your new boyfriend?' When I
didn't answer he put his arm around Kerry and pulled her close to him before
saying, 'That's wonderful news, Mirrie. We're so glad for you.'
I pulled sharply at my bedroom door and it
shut with a bang. I picked up the phone.
'Nick?'
'I just wanted to hear your voice. How are
you?'
'All the better for speaking to you,' I
said.
Then I heard breathing. There was someone
on the other line. I waited until there was a small click. A few moments later,
I heard the front door shut.
CHAPTER 9
I leaned over the dishes of curry and
cleared my throat.
'There's something I want to say. It's
nothing serious,' I added, seeing his suddenly wary look. 'I just felt that
when we were talking with Laura and Tony, things came out wrong.'
'It's not a big deal,' Nick said.
'I know it isn't,' I said. 'But I've been
thinking. I want to be completely straight with you.'
'Weren't you being straight?'
'I was, but it came out in a confused way
that felt wrong. So I want to tell you about it in a clear way. It's really
very simple.'
I took a sip of wine and then gave him a
basic digest of what had happened with Brendan and Kerry and my family.
'You see,' I said. 'He was someone I had
no strong feelings about, except maybe that by the end I thought he was a bit
of a creep. But now he's with my sister and everybody's going on about how
she's happier than she's ever been, so, you know...'
'So maybe you're starting to wonder if you
made a mistake.'
'What do you mean?'
'Breaking up with him.'
I pulled a face.
'Oh, God, not for a single second. I broke
up with him assuming I'd never see him again, and now he's part of the
furniture.'
Nick cut a piece of tandoori chicken with
his fork and ate it with deliberation.
'So why did you go out with him if he's a
creep?'
'We only saw each other a few times. Then
I stopped going out with him.'
'It's strange to think of you with someone
like that.'
'Have you never started going out with
someone and then gradually realized that you didn't like them that much after
that?'
'I don't know,' said Nick.
'You've never been attracted to someone
and then once you've got over the attraction found that there was
hand I thought it would break.
'But you do kind of owe it to Kerry, don't
you?' His voice was still soft and insinuating. 'After what happened. Mmm?
Mmm?'
'Sorry?' said Kerry.
I stared at Brendan. There was red behind
my eyes and I thought of throwing my wine into his face, of smashing my glass
against his cheek, of kicking him in the legs, punching him as hard as I could
in his belly, pushing him violently out of the door.
'Miranda?' said Kerry. 'Just a few days?'
I turned to her and tried to focus on her
reproachful face. I thought of lying in my bed and knowing Brendan was a few
feet away, on the sofa, with my sister. Of getting up in the morning and seeing
him sitting at the kitchen table, as if he belonged there. Bumping into him on
my way to the bathroom . . . But maybe I could stay with Nick for a night or
two, or even with Laura. Maybe go away for the weekend somewhere. Anywhere.
'All right,' I said. 'One week.'
Kerry gripped my hand, and Brendan came
towards me with outstretched arms. If he touched me, I would scream, vomit,
become violent. I ducked out of reach.
'I'm going to have that interrupted bath
now,' I said. 'Finish your wine.'
The water was tepid, but I lowered myself
into it anyway. I closed my eyes and sank beneath the surface, where I waited
for my heart to stop battering itself against my chest. When I came up for air,
I heard a knocking at the door, Brendan calling my name.
'What?'
'The phone for you. I answered it. Hope
you don't mind.'
'Who is it?' I asked, reaching for a
towel.
'Someone called Nick,' said Brendan. 'He
seemed a bit surprised to get me.'
I yanked open the door and marched through
to the living room. 'I'll take it in my bedroom. You can put it down out here.'
'Is this Nick your new boyfriend?' When I
didn't answer he put his arm around Kerry and pulled her close to him before
saying, 'That's wonderful news, Mirrie. We're so glad for you.'
I pulled sharply at my bedroom door and it
shut with a bang. I picked up the phone.
'Nick?'
'I just wanted to hear your voice. How are
you?'
'All the better for speaking to you,' I
said.
Then I heard breathing. There was someone
on the other line. I waited until there was a small click. A few moments later,
I heard the front door shut.
CHAPTER 9
I leaned over the dishes of curry and
cleared my throat.
'There's something I want to say. It's
nothing serious,' I added, seeing his suddenly wary look. 'I just felt that
when we were talking with Laura and Tony, things came out wrong.'
'It's not a big deal,' Nick said.
'I know it isn't,' I said. 'But I've been
thinking. I want to be completely straight with you.'
'Weren't you being straight?'
'I was, but it came out in a confused way
that felt wrong. So I want to tell you about it in a clear way. It's really
very simple.'
I took a sip of wine and then gave him a
basic digest of what had happened with Brendan and Kerry and my family.
'You see,' I said. 'He was someone I had
no strong feelings about, except maybe that by the end I thought he was a bit
of a creep. But now he's with my sister and everybody's going on about how
she's happier than she's ever been, so, you know...'
'So maybe you're starting to wonder if you
made a mistake.'
'What do you mean?'
'Breaking up with him.'
I pulled a face.
'Oh, God, not for a single second. I broke
up with him assuming I'd never see him again, and now he's part of the
furniture.'
Nick cut a piece of tandoori chicken with
his fork and ate it with deliberation.
'So why did you go out with him if he's a
creep?'
'We only saw each other a few times. Then
I stopped going out with him.'
'It's strange to think of you with someone
like that.'
'Have you never started going out with
someone and then gradually realized that you didn't like them that much after
that?'
'I don't know,' said Nick.
'You've never been attracted to someone
and then once you've got over the attraction found that there was
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