Read Online Science...For Her! by Megan Amram - Free Book Online Page B
Authors: Megan Amram
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forever!!!” Though factually correct, the New York Times apologizes for the way in which Mr. Penview and Ms. Jasper’s first meeting and relationship history were portrayed. Additionally, the hat actually read “Ethel’s Not 90 . . . She’s 89.95 Plus Tax.” She has since passed.
We wrote that the couple was married by “a dildo with googly eyes, which is the kind of freaky stuff Adam is into.” They were married by Father Norman Murray. Additionally, Mr. Penview is into regular stuff.
Yesterday, we printed that “God Katie sorry I’m writing all this I’ve taken a lot of Robitussin you are so beautiful. You look like a young Nancy Kerrigan. Oh God I love you.” In fact, Mr. Gould had only taken a moderate amount of Robitussin.
We wrote yesterday that “Katie sorry you can’t fucking deal with my Jew strength you blimp-bitch.” Ms. Jasper, in truth, can deal with said Jew strength.
Yesterday, we wrote, “Katie, I’m so sorry, oh God, please come back, I think you can get weddings annulled really easily, it’s like a five-second-rule-type thing. Also Adam, I’m really sorry about all the googly eye stuff, I actually think you’re a pretty good guy, I once had a dream that you were a creature that had your torso and face but a gay man’s body and you saved me from Gwyneth Paltrow in ‘Contagion.’ Granted, I had taken a lot of Robitussin that night, but when I woke up I did feel sincerely indebted to the top half of you.” We don’t know where to start. The New York Times is just so sorry for this entire paragraph.
Hey just kidding about all these things that we said we retracted, we’re just the dumb ol’ New York Times what do we know about anything but hard candy and old wrinkly balls!!!!!
We wrote in the paragraph above that “Hey just kidding about all these things that we said we retracted, we’re just the dumb ol’ New York Times what do we know about anything but hard candy and old wrinkly balls!!!!!” In actuality, Dan Gould just broke back into the Corrections department and stole the computer that I’m writing this on. He has been promptly escorted from the building and arrested. In addition, the New York Times is an extremely current print newspaper that offers breaking unbiased news and fun crossword puzzles. Fuck Dan Gould.
We retract “Fuck Dan Gould.”
We apologize for these mistakes.
Sexiest Molecules
----
Some molecules look like dicks! Here are my picks for this winter’s sexiest molecules!
WINTER’S Sexiest MOLECULES
----
4-Vinylguaiacol
Also known by his stage name 2-methoxy-4-vinylphenol, this fella is the aroma component of buckwheat. The aroma can remind people of apples, spices, peanuts, wine, cloves, or curry. But also, the H3CO on the end looks kind of like a dick!
Acetonitrile
There’s no mistaking it with this guy—that is a dick! That little carbon-nitrogen bond at the end is unmistakably a dick. And acetonitrile is colorless, volatile, flammable, and toxic. Just like a dick.;)
Boron trifluoride
Depending on how you look at this, it either looks like a dick, or two dicks. So make sure to look at it the way that it’s two dicks! Because two dicks are better than one (dick)!
Water
Even water looks like dicks on a molecular level! That’s why, when I’m thirsty, I ask for a glass full of millions of microscopic clicks!!
Who Wore It Best?
----
There’s nothing more embarrassing than showing up wearing the same atom as another molecule! Some molecules look almost indistinguishably similar. But one is always knocking it out of the park! Gals—which molecules wore it best?
Who Wore It Best?
----
Sodium Chloride vs. Barium Chloride
Oops! Looks like NaCl (table salt) and BaCl (a caustic powder used in labs) both showed up to the party wearing the same chloride atom! Sodium keeps chloride a little more modest, though. Chloride should be treated as an accessory, not a statement.
NaCI 56% | BaCI 44%
----
Formaldehyde vs. Diamonds
This is a
We wrote that the couple was married by “a dildo with googly eyes, which is the kind of freaky stuff Adam is into.” They were married by Father Norman Murray. Additionally, Mr. Penview is into regular stuff.
Yesterday, we printed that “God Katie sorry I’m writing all this I’ve taken a lot of Robitussin you are so beautiful. You look like a young Nancy Kerrigan. Oh God I love you.” In fact, Mr. Gould had only taken a moderate amount of Robitussin.
We wrote yesterday that “Katie sorry you can’t fucking deal with my Jew strength you blimp-bitch.” Ms. Jasper, in truth, can deal with said Jew strength.
Yesterday, we wrote, “Katie, I’m so sorry, oh God, please come back, I think you can get weddings annulled really easily, it’s like a five-second-rule-type thing. Also Adam, I’m really sorry about all the googly eye stuff, I actually think you’re a pretty good guy, I once had a dream that you were a creature that had your torso and face but a gay man’s body and you saved me from Gwyneth Paltrow in ‘Contagion.’ Granted, I had taken a lot of Robitussin that night, but when I woke up I did feel sincerely indebted to the top half of you.” We don’t know where to start. The New York Times is just so sorry for this entire paragraph.
Hey just kidding about all these things that we said we retracted, we’re just the dumb ol’ New York Times what do we know about anything but hard candy and old wrinkly balls!!!!!
We wrote in the paragraph above that “Hey just kidding about all these things that we said we retracted, we’re just the dumb ol’ New York Times what do we know about anything but hard candy and old wrinkly balls!!!!!” In actuality, Dan Gould just broke back into the Corrections department and stole the computer that I’m writing this on. He has been promptly escorted from the building and arrested. In addition, the New York Times is an extremely current print newspaper that offers breaking unbiased news and fun crossword puzzles. Fuck Dan Gould.
We retract “Fuck Dan Gould.”
We apologize for these mistakes.
Sexiest Molecules
----
Some molecules look like dicks! Here are my picks for this winter’s sexiest molecules!
WINTER’S Sexiest MOLECULES
----
4-Vinylguaiacol
Also known by his stage name 2-methoxy-4-vinylphenol, this fella is the aroma component of buckwheat. The aroma can remind people of apples, spices, peanuts, wine, cloves, or curry. But also, the H3CO on the end looks kind of like a dick!
Acetonitrile
There’s no mistaking it with this guy—that is a dick! That little carbon-nitrogen bond at the end is unmistakably a dick. And acetonitrile is colorless, volatile, flammable, and toxic. Just like a dick.;)
Boron trifluoride
Depending on how you look at this, it either looks like a dick, or two dicks. So make sure to look at it the way that it’s two dicks! Because two dicks are better than one (dick)!
Water
Even water looks like dicks on a molecular level! That’s why, when I’m thirsty, I ask for a glass full of millions of microscopic clicks!!
Who Wore It Best?
----
There’s nothing more embarrassing than showing up wearing the same atom as another molecule! Some molecules look almost indistinguishably similar. But one is always knocking it out of the park! Gals—which molecules wore it best?
Who Wore It Best?
----
Sodium Chloride vs. Barium Chloride
Oops! Looks like NaCl (table salt) and BaCl (a caustic powder used in labs) both showed up to the party wearing the same chloride atom! Sodium keeps chloride a little more modest, though. Chloride should be treated as an accessory, not a statement.
NaCI 56% | BaCI 44%
----
Formaldehyde vs. Diamonds
This is a
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