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Authors: Megan Amram
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been distracted this whole chapter by the fact that “chemistry” is SUPPOSED to mean the tingles you feel in your lady-lumps FIG. 2.7 and gal-valleys when you’re near your crush. Well, that’s what we’re going to talk about now! That’s chemistry -chemistry!
The smell of other humans is a really big part of chemistry-chemistry. Smell is honestly one of my top five favorite senses. It’s like right up there with taste, feel, sight, and sound. Actually, you know what? Fuck sound. It knows what it did. Actually, fuck sight, taste, and smell too. I’m rolling with just feel. That way I’ll be able to enjoy fuzzy puppies and not have to smell their poop or look at their stupid faces or hear their dumb barks. Speak English, idiots! FIG. 2.8
FIG. 2.7
Humans give off something called pheromones . They are chemicals that trigger responses in members of the same species. Certain pheromones, called axillary steroids , are produced bythe testes, ovaries, apocrine glands, and adrenal glands. That being said, love isn’t all just sniffs ’n’ smells. Love is extremely tough, even in the best circumstances. You gals have been on the whole Xander journey with me. You get it. One day you’re deeply in love, and the next day you’re trying to pelt him in the eyeballs with unopened batteries because if he doesn’t want to look at you naked he shouldn’t be able to look at any woman naked. To prove how much love SUCKS sometimes, I’ve ripped this right out of the New York Times , which I got from a Starbucks! (I get like everything from Starbucks. At Starbucks, it’s so funny that the coffee is five dollars while the napkin dispensers are free!)
FIG. 2.8
The New York Times
----
Corrections
The New York Times would like to issue corrections for the wedding announcement of Mr. Adam Penview to Ms. Katie Jasper that ran in yesterday’s paper.
We incorrectly identified in the announcement that Mr. Adam Penview and Ms. Katie Jasper were married at the Church of the Holy Trinity in Manhattan. They were married at St. Brigid’s.
Additionally, we inaccurately wrote that the groom “attended Cornell University and double-majored in English and Humping Other English Majors’ Girlfriends.” Mr. Penview, in fact, majored only in English. He did not major in “Humping Other English Majors’ Girlfriends,” as that is not currently an existing track of study at Cornell or any other accredited university.
We erroneously wrote yesterday that Mr. Penview was the “son of Dr. Ryan Penview, a third-generation ophthalmologist, and Mrs. Claire Penview, a Zuckerberg-ass beaver-bitch.” Mrs. Penview practiced law in New York State until 2004, and is considered by many to be a friendly and beautiful member of her community, bearing no resemblance whatsoever to Mark Zuckerberg or his rear end. “Beaver-bitch” is not a profession.
We mischaracterized the bride as having worn “a peace [sic] of shit mayonnaise tent. Also, you know how sometimes people see the Virgin Mary in stuff? It was like that, except you could see Hitler in the wedding dress, but specifically because she had hand-embroidered a picture of Hitler in her dress.” In truth, Ms. Jasper wore Amsale.
Mr. Penview clearly standing on the campus of Cornell University in 1998.
We incorrectly noted yesterday that the couple met “while the bride was dating the totally devoted and now very successful Assistant New York Times Wedding Section Editor Dan Gould. Dan guesses he just wasn’t good enough for you Katie, because you had to go hump that piece of shit Adam Penview that you met at the Englishmajor mixer while Dan left Ithaca for the weekend to go to his Nana’s 90th birthday in Needham, Mass. Dan even brought you back a hat from the birthday party that said ‘Ethel’s Doin’ It for One Night Only.’ FYI, Adam, it counts as incest if you sleep with another English major’s girlfriend, since English majors are BASICALLY BROTHERS. Nana will live
The smell of other humans is a really big part of chemistry-chemistry. Smell is honestly one of my top five favorite senses. It’s like right up there with taste, feel, sight, and sound. Actually, you know what? Fuck sound. It knows what it did. Actually, fuck sight, taste, and smell too. I’m rolling with just feel. That way I’ll be able to enjoy fuzzy puppies and not have to smell their poop or look at their stupid faces or hear their dumb barks. Speak English, idiots! FIG. 2.8
FIG. 2.7
Humans give off something called pheromones . They are chemicals that trigger responses in members of the same species. Certain pheromones, called axillary steroids , are produced bythe testes, ovaries, apocrine glands, and adrenal glands. That being said, love isn’t all just sniffs ’n’ smells. Love is extremely tough, even in the best circumstances. You gals have been on the whole Xander journey with me. You get it. One day you’re deeply in love, and the next day you’re trying to pelt him in the eyeballs with unopened batteries because if he doesn’t want to look at you naked he shouldn’t be able to look at any woman naked. To prove how much love SUCKS sometimes, I’ve ripped this right out of the New York Times , which I got from a Starbucks! (I get like everything from Starbucks. At Starbucks, it’s so funny that the coffee is five dollars while the napkin dispensers are free!)
FIG. 2.8
The New York Times
----
Corrections
The New York Times would like to issue corrections for the wedding announcement of Mr. Adam Penview to Ms. Katie Jasper that ran in yesterday’s paper.
We incorrectly identified in the announcement that Mr. Adam Penview and Ms. Katie Jasper were married at the Church of the Holy Trinity in Manhattan. They were married at St. Brigid’s.
Additionally, we inaccurately wrote that the groom “attended Cornell University and double-majored in English and Humping Other English Majors’ Girlfriends.” Mr. Penview, in fact, majored only in English. He did not major in “Humping Other English Majors’ Girlfriends,” as that is not currently an existing track of study at Cornell or any other accredited university.
We erroneously wrote yesterday that Mr. Penview was the “son of Dr. Ryan Penview, a third-generation ophthalmologist, and Mrs. Claire Penview, a Zuckerberg-ass beaver-bitch.” Mrs. Penview practiced law in New York State until 2004, and is considered by many to be a friendly and beautiful member of her community, bearing no resemblance whatsoever to Mark Zuckerberg or his rear end. “Beaver-bitch” is not a profession.
We mischaracterized the bride as having worn “a peace [sic] of shit mayonnaise tent. Also, you know how sometimes people see the Virgin Mary in stuff? It was like that, except you could see Hitler in the wedding dress, but specifically because she had hand-embroidered a picture of Hitler in her dress.” In truth, Ms. Jasper wore Amsale.
Mr. Penview clearly standing on the campus of Cornell University in 1998.
We incorrectly noted yesterday that the couple met “while the bride was dating the totally devoted and now very successful Assistant New York Times Wedding Section Editor Dan Gould. Dan guesses he just wasn’t good enough for you Katie, because you had to go hump that piece of shit Adam Penview that you met at the Englishmajor mixer while Dan left Ithaca for the weekend to go to his Nana’s 90th birthday in Needham, Mass. Dan even brought you back a hat from the birthday party that said ‘Ethel’s Doin’ It for One Night Only.’ FYI, Adam, it counts as incest if you sleep with another English major’s girlfriend, since English majors are BASICALLY BROTHERS. Nana will live
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