good little boys and
girls, we all made sure that we were tucked in our beds before the
sun came up. No one liked waking up on a hard floor or in a ditch
somewhere.
The moment I hit the bed, I shut my eyes and
thought of Rose. This was my ritual every night. She was always the
last thing I thought about.
We didn't dream in our comatose state, but
whatever we thought of last would also be what we thought of first.
I loved that. Waking up to an image of Rose was pure heaven.
Especially the image I thought of as I settled down into bed.
* * * * *
(Rose)
When I woke up and didn't see my twinkling
stars, I panicked for a second. I always did that when I stayed
over at Jill's. It took me a few moments to realize where I
was.
After our awkward ride home last night where
Jillian was mad at me for questioning her choice of boyfriend
material, we had gotten over it as we shared our customary bowl of
ice cream before going to bed.
Today was Saturday, so we didn't have school and
I didn't think that my dad would be home before 4 p.m. So once I
prodded Jill awake, I asked her if she wanted to go look at
apartments with me. This was me trying to say I was sorry.
I still had no intention of rooming with her,
but I would drop that bomb later. Right now, I just really wanted
her with me while I scoped out my prospects. I was a little
nervous.
The first neighborhood we drove to was only
about ten minutes away from my house, and honestly, I wasn't sure I
wanted to be that close to home. But it was a nice complex and was
within walking distance of some really great shops and restaurants.
That added some bonus points to my checklist.
As we drove up, I couldn't help but giggle. The
complex was named "Tranquil Acres." It sounded like a fucking
retirement home.
This was supposed to be one of the nicer
apartment complexes in the area, and the business district would be
a relatively short commute from here. Even though I didn't need
money, as my mom's settlement would sustain me for most of my life,
I was still was planning on getting a job after college. So being
close to where I planned to work just earned this place another
bonus point.
As Jillian and I headed towards the main office,
I noticed a swimming pool off to my left. It was oversized and had
wonderful landscaping. I had to pause momentarily, because I was
having a severe case of déjà vu.
Suddenly, I found myself on the ground and
Jillian was hovering over me. My breath was coming in rapid
succession, causing me to hyperventilate. I was seriously close to
a full-blown panic attack.
"Rose, my God, what's wrong?"
The complex manager was headed towards us and I
tried to calm myself, but I wasn't sure I could. This pool reminded
me of the one that my mom used to give swimming lessons in.
I didn't know why this was happening to me. My
mom had been a swim instructor, and it wasn't like I hadn't been
around pools since her death, but for some reason seeing this pool
had me reliving more than I wanted to face.
"I'm so sorry." I repeatedly apologized to the
complex manager as I raced my way back to Jill's car. I hated that
I had made such a scene, but I really needed to get the hell out of
there.
"What was that about?" Jill asked.
"I'm sorry I freaked out. That pool must have
reminded me of where my mom used to give swim lessons." My voice
was watered down with tears.
Jill leaned over and gave me an awkward hug in
the car, "Oh, Rose. I'm sorry. Why'd you even put this one on your
list then? Maybe we should mark off any complexes that have
pools."
My voice caught on a sob. "I didn't realize
something that simple could get to me so badly. Let's just get out
of here."
I looked back and watched the pool fade into the
distance as we drove off. I couldn't believe that I had just had a
panic attack because of a fucking swimming pool. But with
everything that I had experienced with Mom during her lessons, I
guess it shouldn't have come as that big of a surprise. Finding
girls, we all made sure that we were tucked in our beds before the
sun came up. No one liked waking up on a hard floor or in a ditch
somewhere.
The moment I hit the bed, I shut my eyes and
thought of Rose. This was my ritual every night. She was always the
last thing I thought about.
We didn't dream in our comatose state, but
whatever we thought of last would also be what we thought of first.
I loved that. Waking up to an image of Rose was pure heaven.
Especially the image I thought of as I settled down into bed.
* * * * *
(Rose)
When I woke up and didn't see my twinkling
stars, I panicked for a second. I always did that when I stayed
over at Jill's. It took me a few moments to realize where I
was.
After our awkward ride home last night where
Jillian was mad at me for questioning her choice of boyfriend
material, we had gotten over it as we shared our customary bowl of
ice cream before going to bed.
Today was Saturday, so we didn't have school and
I didn't think that my dad would be home before 4 p.m. So once I
prodded Jill awake, I asked her if she wanted to go look at
apartments with me. This was me trying to say I was sorry.
I still had no intention of rooming with her,
but I would drop that bomb later. Right now, I just really wanted
her with me while I scoped out my prospects. I was a little
nervous.
The first neighborhood we drove to was only
about ten minutes away from my house, and honestly, I wasn't sure I
wanted to be that close to home. But it was a nice complex and was
within walking distance of some really great shops and restaurants.
That added some bonus points to my checklist.
As we drove up, I couldn't help but giggle. The
complex was named "Tranquil Acres." It sounded like a fucking
retirement home.
This was supposed to be one of the nicer
apartment complexes in the area, and the business district would be
a relatively short commute from here. Even though I didn't need
money, as my mom's settlement would sustain me for most of my life,
I was still was planning on getting a job after college. So being
close to where I planned to work just earned this place another
bonus point.
As Jillian and I headed towards the main office,
I noticed a swimming pool off to my left. It was oversized and had
wonderful landscaping. I had to pause momentarily, because I was
having a severe case of déjà vu.
Suddenly, I found myself on the ground and
Jillian was hovering over me. My breath was coming in rapid
succession, causing me to hyperventilate. I was seriously close to
a full-blown panic attack.
"Rose, my God, what's wrong?"
The complex manager was headed towards us and I
tried to calm myself, but I wasn't sure I could. This pool reminded
me of the one that my mom used to give swimming lessons in.
I didn't know why this was happening to me. My
mom had been a swim instructor, and it wasn't like I hadn't been
around pools since her death, but for some reason seeing this pool
had me reliving more than I wanted to face.
"I'm so sorry." I repeatedly apologized to the
complex manager as I raced my way back to Jill's car. I hated that
I had made such a scene, but I really needed to get the hell out of
there.
"What was that about?" Jill asked.
"I'm sorry I freaked out. That pool must have
reminded me of where my mom used to give swim lessons." My voice
was watered down with tears.
Jill leaned over and gave me an awkward hug in
the car, "Oh, Rose. I'm sorry. Why'd you even put this one on your
list then? Maybe we should mark off any complexes that have
pools."
My voice caught on a sob. "I didn't realize
something that simple could get to me so badly. Let's just get out
of here."
I looked back and watched the pool fade into the
distance as we drove off. I couldn't believe that I had just had a
panic attack because of a fucking swimming pool. But with
everything that I had experienced with Mom during her lessons, I
guess it shouldn't have come as that big of a surprise. Finding
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