Read Online Saving Forever (The Ever Trilogy: Book 3) by Jasinda Wilder - Free Book Online
Authors: Jasinda Wilder
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Cade’s phone and called her. The voice mailbox of the person you are trying to reach is full. Please try again later. Where was she? What was she doing? Why had she left?
So many questions, and no answers.
The last line of the last letter Cade had written haunted me:
No matter what, I love you. I’ll never stop loving you. I don’t know if you’ll love me when you wake up. If you’ll be able to. But even if you don’t, I’ll love you. Forever, and after forever. Even if I don’t deserve your love.
Why wouldn’t he deserve my love? I didn’t get it. Couldn’t hope to understand. I loved him. Completely. I needed him. I trusted him. I wanted him. I wanted him to kiss me like he meant it. I wanted him to kiss me, and for his kisses to grow impatient, to become demanding. And yet, when he did kiss me, his lips barely touched mine, and then he moved away. A chaste, impossible brush of his lips, and then it was over. No heat, no passion.
What had I done to lose his desire? Was I no longer beautiful to him? Had the coma changed me in some way? I’d seen myself in the mirror. I looked pretty much the same. Thinner, yes. My boobs had shrunk with the rest of me, but as I got healthier that would change. My hips were slimmer, but that, too, would change. My eyes were the same shade of green. My skin was paler than usual, sure, but I could tan a little, if he wanted me to. My hair had been shaved for surgery, I’d been told, but it had grown back. It was brushing my shoulders already, and would get longer. It had dead ends that needed trimming, maybe, and it hadn’t been getting the kind of regular brushing I usually gave it, so it wasn’t quite as shiny or lustrous as usual, but that, too, would change with time.
Why didn’t he want me?
Why didn’t he think he deserved my love? I could only guess. Notions flitted through my head, but I forcefully dismissed them all before they could take hold. I couldn’t bear to doubt him. I couldn’t bear to doubt our love, because it was the only thing holding me together.
But my marriage to Caden seemed to be crumbling before my eyes.
~ ~ ~ ~
After a year and a half in a coma, and two months of recovery and therapy in the nursing home, I was finally going home. Cade had brought me a pair of jeans and a T-shirt and a pair of sandals. I’d dressed myself, sitting on the hospital bed. I was going through the motions, but part of me didn’t really believe that I was going home. I felt like I’d always been in the hospital. In terms of time elapsed, to me, I’d only been here for two months. But in reality, it had been almost two years. I’d lost two years of my life.
That was almost irrelevant, though. It felt like I’d lost Cade, and I had lost Eden. I didn’t even know why. Why would Eden abandon me when I needed her the most? Now, in all my life, I needed her more than ever, and she’d vanished into thin air. Caden was wasting away, seemed to be literally dying before my eyes, and my connection to him, which had once seemed unbreakable and inviolable, was severed, fading, crumbling along with the man I’d known and loved.
Suddenly I was sobbing. Sitting on my hospital bed for the last time, I found myself bawling uncontrollably, shuddering and gasping and choking, unable to breathe or to slow the tears.
“Ev?” The door opened and Cade came in, sitting on the bed beside me.
I couldn’t answer. I could only turn into him and bury my face against his chest and wish he was who I needed him to be. His arm went around me, holding me.
“What’s wrong, babe?” His voice was soft, hesitant.
“Everything, Cade. Me. My life. Us. You. It’s all…wrong. You’re…different. Something happened while I was in a coma, and you’re not the same anymore. It feels like…like you don’t love me anymore. Not the way you did. You barely even kiss me. I know I’ve changed from being in the coma, but…I didn’t think that would matter to
So many questions, and no answers.
The last line of the last letter Cade had written haunted me:
No matter what, I love you. I’ll never stop loving you. I don’t know if you’ll love me when you wake up. If you’ll be able to. But even if you don’t, I’ll love you. Forever, and after forever. Even if I don’t deserve your love.
Why wouldn’t he deserve my love? I didn’t get it. Couldn’t hope to understand. I loved him. Completely. I needed him. I trusted him. I wanted him. I wanted him to kiss me like he meant it. I wanted him to kiss me, and for his kisses to grow impatient, to become demanding. And yet, when he did kiss me, his lips barely touched mine, and then he moved away. A chaste, impossible brush of his lips, and then it was over. No heat, no passion.
What had I done to lose his desire? Was I no longer beautiful to him? Had the coma changed me in some way? I’d seen myself in the mirror. I looked pretty much the same. Thinner, yes. My boobs had shrunk with the rest of me, but as I got healthier that would change. My hips were slimmer, but that, too, would change. My eyes were the same shade of green. My skin was paler than usual, sure, but I could tan a little, if he wanted me to. My hair had been shaved for surgery, I’d been told, but it had grown back. It was brushing my shoulders already, and would get longer. It had dead ends that needed trimming, maybe, and it hadn’t been getting the kind of regular brushing I usually gave it, so it wasn’t quite as shiny or lustrous as usual, but that, too, would change with time.
Why didn’t he want me?
Why didn’t he think he deserved my love? I could only guess. Notions flitted through my head, but I forcefully dismissed them all before they could take hold. I couldn’t bear to doubt him. I couldn’t bear to doubt our love, because it was the only thing holding me together.
But my marriage to Caden seemed to be crumbling before my eyes.
~ ~ ~ ~
After a year and a half in a coma, and two months of recovery and therapy in the nursing home, I was finally going home. Cade had brought me a pair of jeans and a T-shirt and a pair of sandals. I’d dressed myself, sitting on the hospital bed. I was going through the motions, but part of me didn’t really believe that I was going home. I felt like I’d always been in the hospital. In terms of time elapsed, to me, I’d only been here for two months. But in reality, it had been almost two years. I’d lost two years of my life.
That was almost irrelevant, though. It felt like I’d lost Cade, and I had lost Eden. I didn’t even know why. Why would Eden abandon me when I needed her the most? Now, in all my life, I needed her more than ever, and she’d vanished into thin air. Caden was wasting away, seemed to be literally dying before my eyes, and my connection to him, which had once seemed unbreakable and inviolable, was severed, fading, crumbling along with the man I’d known and loved.
Suddenly I was sobbing. Sitting on my hospital bed for the last time, I found myself bawling uncontrollably, shuddering and gasping and choking, unable to breathe or to slow the tears.
“Ev?” The door opened and Cade came in, sitting on the bed beside me.
I couldn’t answer. I could only turn into him and bury my face against his chest and wish he was who I needed him to be. His arm went around me, holding me.
“What’s wrong, babe?” His voice was soft, hesitant.
“Everything, Cade. Me. My life. Us. You. It’s all…wrong. You’re…different. Something happened while I was in a coma, and you’re not the same anymore. It feels like…like you don’t love me anymore. Not the way you did. You barely even kiss me. I know I’ve changed from being in the coma, but…I didn’t think that would matter to
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