Read Online Saving Forever (The Ever Trilogy: Book 3) by Jasinda Wilder - Free Book Online Page A

you. I thought you’d—you’d want me. But you don’t. And I don’t know how to get that back. How to get—you. You back.” The more upset I got, the harder it was to make sense, to get the words out in the right order. I’d worked my ass off to be able to speak normally, to use my hands normally. I was working my ass off to be able to walk normally. But sometimes, it was just too hard. “I’m sorry, Cade. I’m sorry.”
    “Jesus, Ev. There’s nothing for you to be sorry for.”
    “Then what’s wrong with you? I know you’ve been through hell. I know you’ve lost…everyone. But I’m here. I’m back. And I love you. I need you. Even when you’re physically here with me, it feels like you’re…a million miles away. I don’t know what I did, or what happened. And I don’t care. I just need you now, more than ever.”
    Cade had gone still as stone, and just as cold. “Ever…while you were in the coma, I—”
    I put my hand over his mouth. “Don’t. Just stop. I can’t handle anything else. I don’t care. Maybe I should. Maybe I will someday. But right now, I just need you . I need you to love me. I need you to tell me it’s going to be okay. Lie to me if you have to, and tell me everything will be okay. I’m lost, Cade. And you’re the only north I have.”
    Cade shook, shuddered. “Ever, god. Fuck . I’ve failed you. I’m falling apart, right when you need me most.”
    “So be there for me.” I clung to his neck. I put my lips to the warm hollow behind his ear. “Pull it together, Cade. For me. Please.”
    “I’ll try. I do love you. I never stopped loving you. I just…got lost. For a while.” He sounded as if he was trying to convince himself as much as me. “I’m here. I’m not going anywhere. I’ll be what you need me to be. I promise I will.”
    I didn’t let him go. I whispered in his ear, “I need to know…that you’re still my husband. Not just my best friend, my supporter. Not just a caretaker. I need to know you’re the man I married. I need to know…that you want me. I can’t live without that.”
    He inhaled deeply, his chest swelling against me. He let out the breath and cupped my cheek with his big, rough hand. His eyes were liquid amber, damp with tears I didn’t understand, tears he fought away. I watched him strengthen as he gazed at me. Watched the guilt and turmoil subside. Buried, perhaps, but gone for now.  
    And in that moment, I didn’t care where those emotions went. I was being selfish, I knew that. But I needed him. I couldn’t find myself in this new normal without him, and I’d take lies and denial if necessary. Someday I’d face the truth, whatever that might be. But I wasn’t strong enough mentally, emotionally, or physically to take anything painful, or to endure any more suffering. Neither was Cade. For now, we had to cling to each other, bound together by time and by the ropes of agony, by the lies we were telling ourselves and each other.
    He was hiding something from me. I knew that. I wasn’t fool enough to be able to ignore that. I was fool enough, however, to pretend it didn’t matter. To pretend I didn’t care.  
    His thumb brushed my cheekbone, the edge of my eyebrow. My temple. Down, touched my lips. He blinked, a long, slow shuttering of his eyelids, almost as if in slow motion. The war in his eyes faded further yet, buried deeper. I watched this happen, watched him summon reserves of strength I don’t think he knew he had.  
    And then…he kissed me.
    Truly, deeply, kissed me. His mouth was warm and wet, and he tasted like coffee, and his lips on mine were hesitant at first, then demanding, strong and devouring. My fingers curled around the back of his neck, clutching at him, and I kissed him back with all of me, drawing his breath into my lungs, sucking at his tongue with my mouth and tasting him, and we breathed together, held each other and kissed as we’d never kissed.
    He pulled back first, let his forehead rest