walk out and begin to clean up the dining room and kitchen. I concentrate on the sounds coming from our bedroom as I load the dishes into the dishwasher. Nathan is done with his shower, and then I hear him climb into bed.
I grab a bottle of painkillers from the cupboard and a bottle of water from the fridge. My entire body is covered in a thin sheen of sweat from the pain currently running through my body. I pop a few pills and swallow them down with the water. It hurts to move, but I know I can't stay in this house another second. I need my release. I need to hear the ocean waves crashing around me, and I need some sort of solitude to offset this hell I'm living in.
A stray whimper escapes my lips, and I clasp a hand over my mouth to silence the sound. I hurry to the back door and slip into a pair of sneakers.
And then I run.
I don't stop running until I reach the ocean. My knees buckle as emotions overcome me, and I fall to the sand below, sobbing so violently I have trouble breathing. "I can't do this anymore!" I howl into the crashing waves. "I can't live like this." I stare into the dark water, and I wish it would just swallow me up and take me away from this place.
The realization slowly settles down upon me. I need to leave him. Nathan is going to be gone for a week, and I know that something has to be done while he's gone. He's left for weekend trips before, but never for an entire week. It almost seems like fate is intervening just when I need it to the most and just when I was beginning to think I couldn't handle anymore.
I can't stay married to someone who treats me like this. If I can't run away, maybe I can hide. I need to talk to my father. He is the only one who can help me now. I don't have anyone else. Nathan saw to that a long time ago when he slowly put a wedge between my friends and myself until we stopped speaking and I was all alone. I realize now why he did that --- it was so when the time came when I was ready to leave him, I would have no one to turn to. He knew exactly what he was doing. He's always ten steps ahead of me and completely methodical.
If he won't let me go, I might need to take drastic measures…again. I stare down at my wrist and the scar from when I attempted to take my life six months ago. I thought Nathan would change after that. If anything has changed, it's the frequency of his violence. It's gotten worse over the past few months, and I'm getting the urge to reopen that wound on my wrist…except this time I'll make sure no one will be around to stop me.
After my tears are done falling and my breathing returns to normal, I stand up and slowly make my way back to the house. It feels like I'm walking into a black hole that is slowly sucking the life out of me, but now I have a little glimmer of hope shining through the darkness. I just hope my father listens to me this time and helps me when I need him the most.
CHAPTER 5
MAX
I saw Avery on the beach again last night. She cried harder than the night before, so whatever happened at home must have really been bad. The sound of her tortured sobs was like a cold, metal spike running straight through me. It was so hard to just sit and watch her and not do anything. It's not that I don't want to help her. I just don't have enough information to know the cause of her pain. Is she crying because she lost someone, or is she crying because of something being done to her? I don't know the answers, but I intend to find out.
It's busy at the hospital for a Thursday. I'm attempting to concentrate on my work, but my mind keeps straying to Avery. She seems really off today. Every time I've tried to approach her or talk to her, she either ignores me or flashes me a grim smile. And when I tried to sit with her at lunch, she stood up and left without saying a word. We have been eating lunch together for the past couple of days and talking. Well, it's mostly me talking while she just listens and says a few words here and there. I thought
I grab a bottle of painkillers from the cupboard and a bottle of water from the fridge. My entire body is covered in a thin sheen of sweat from the pain currently running through my body. I pop a few pills and swallow them down with the water. It hurts to move, but I know I can't stay in this house another second. I need my release. I need to hear the ocean waves crashing around me, and I need some sort of solitude to offset this hell I'm living in.
A stray whimper escapes my lips, and I clasp a hand over my mouth to silence the sound. I hurry to the back door and slip into a pair of sneakers.
And then I run.
I don't stop running until I reach the ocean. My knees buckle as emotions overcome me, and I fall to the sand below, sobbing so violently I have trouble breathing. "I can't do this anymore!" I howl into the crashing waves. "I can't live like this." I stare into the dark water, and I wish it would just swallow me up and take me away from this place.
The realization slowly settles down upon me. I need to leave him. Nathan is going to be gone for a week, and I know that something has to be done while he's gone. He's left for weekend trips before, but never for an entire week. It almost seems like fate is intervening just when I need it to the most and just when I was beginning to think I couldn't handle anymore.
I can't stay married to someone who treats me like this. If I can't run away, maybe I can hide. I need to talk to my father. He is the only one who can help me now. I don't have anyone else. Nathan saw to that a long time ago when he slowly put a wedge between my friends and myself until we stopped speaking and I was all alone. I realize now why he did that --- it was so when the time came when I was ready to leave him, I would have no one to turn to. He knew exactly what he was doing. He's always ten steps ahead of me and completely methodical.
If he won't let me go, I might need to take drastic measures…again. I stare down at my wrist and the scar from when I attempted to take my life six months ago. I thought Nathan would change after that. If anything has changed, it's the frequency of his violence. It's gotten worse over the past few months, and I'm getting the urge to reopen that wound on my wrist…except this time I'll make sure no one will be around to stop me.
After my tears are done falling and my breathing returns to normal, I stand up and slowly make my way back to the house. It feels like I'm walking into a black hole that is slowly sucking the life out of me, but now I have a little glimmer of hope shining through the darkness. I just hope my father listens to me this time and helps me when I need him the most.
CHAPTER 5
MAX
I saw Avery on the beach again last night. She cried harder than the night before, so whatever happened at home must have really been bad. The sound of her tortured sobs was like a cold, metal spike running straight through me. It was so hard to just sit and watch her and not do anything. It's not that I don't want to help her. I just don't have enough information to know the cause of her pain. Is she crying because she lost someone, or is she crying because of something being done to her? I don't know the answers, but I intend to find out.
It's busy at the hospital for a Thursday. I'm attempting to concentrate on my work, but my mind keeps straying to Avery. She seems really off today. Every time I've tried to approach her or talk to her, she either ignores me or flashes me a grim smile. And when I tried to sit with her at lunch, she stood up and left without saying a word. We have been eating lunch together for the past couple of days and talking. Well, it's mostly me talking while she just listens and says a few words here and there. I thought
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