Read Online Save the Last Bullet for God by J.T. Alblood - Free Book Online

electrical shock as I
touched her, but I had hoped for some sort of reaction. Instead,
she gave no sign of recognition and I lost all hope.
    “Dr. Reich, I’ve read a few of your articles.
I must confess that I do not agree with all your ideas, nor those
of Dr. Freud’s, but, still, you have a very radical and progressive
approach.”
    She knew who Wilhelm Reich was, but she
didn’t know who I was, or else she was pretending, very
successfully. Remaining silent, I thought about which of those
possibilities would best serve my purpose.
    Like a stupid teen, I wrapped my arm around
Hellen’s waist to gain strength and feel safe. “I have heard of you
as well,” I said. “Hellen told me how beautiful you were, but I’d
never guess you’d be such an intellectual as to follow my articles
on psychiatry.” Even I couldn’t tell whether I was speaking the
truth or just being sarcastic. I suddenly didn’t know what I was
doing there.
    “Is there a specific topic our doctor is
interested in?” Maria spoke with an insincerity that hurt me
deeply. How stupid I was? But I knew I would need to finish
learning this lesson.
    “Actually, as a medical doctor, I’m open to
any kind of information or ideas that can help me understand human
nature and heal ailments.” I was saying whatever came into my mind
without thinking, trying to gain time and prolong the moment.
    “Your delicate concern for the good of your
people has really impressed me.”
    She was making fun of me again. I’d forgotten
how much of a weakness I’d had for her and that I could still be
that vulnerable. She’d reminded me.
    “I hope you will stay for my trance tonight.
Perhaps I can take a moment to tell our friends on Aldebaran what a
good humanist you are.”
    Maria ended the exchange with another phony
smile and moved on to converse with others. I realized that I still
had my hand wrapped around Hellen’s waist and Hellen was staring at
me with sparkling eyes.
    “What do you think? She’s very beautiful,
isn’t she?”
    I was hurt and confused, but relieved for
Hellen’s company. I decided to tell her what she wanted to
hear.
    “Actually, she has a cold beauty, but she
pales beside you,” I said as convincingly as I could.
    Hellen glowed and moved closer, but my mind
was somewhere else.
     
    . . .
    The few lighted candles couldn’t pierce the
darkness of the room. Everyone sat around the table, our hands
linked. A glass sphere emitting flickering sparks of thin, blue
lightning sat in the middle of the table, and I could smell the
heavy incense. Maria was deep into a trance. Her body convulsed and
her eyeballs turned upward. The look of the whites of her eyes
shocked and frightened me. The woman I had loved wasn’t there
anymore. Now, something else dwelt there, and it didn’t belong to
this world. Her voice was wheezy and menacing, coming from deep
inside her, and it filled the room with a foreboding that went
beyond my deepest fears.
    My hands, and the hands they were holding,
were sweaty. I felt that eyes were staring at my back and I was
scared to look behind me. A young woman with an innocent face
sitting behind Maria was rapidly writing down the otherworldly
words she spoke. With the light squeaks of the pencil going across
the paper, I saw some symbols, scratches, and meaningless letters
appear. When I’d decided to come here, I had been in pursuit of
some excitement, hoping to satisfy my curiosity. This situation,
though, suggested the presence of things beyond my experience and
consciousness, and it scared me. I was paralyzed, but strangely, I
felt ready to believe.
    When Maria came back to us, she was worn out
and weak. She was now the old, fragile Maria. Her eyes were blue
again. Her face was as beautiful as before. But she was a bit pale,
her voice was hoarse, and her trembling lips had turned slightly
blue.
    To my surprise, she looked at me with the
same desperate gaze of that young girl in the hospital. My heart
leapt and sank