Read Online Saturday the Rabbi Went Hungry by Harry Kemelman - Free Book Online Page A
Authors: Harry Kemelman
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Hadassah meeting, and you asked me about taking off your hat when the film began?… Well, a very good friend of ours she’s not Jewish, but she’s got a real Jewish heart… “
*
“The Marcuses,” Miriam explained as she returned to the table. “They’re recent members ”
“Yes, I know. Joe, no, Jordan Marcus?”
“That’s right. They called about an Isaac Hirsh who died last night. As a matter of fact, that’s the second call. A Dr. Sykes called just after I got back from the temple. He wanted to see you about this same Isaac Hirsh. I made an appointment for him for tomorrow. Do we know an Isaac Hirsh?”
“He’s not a member of the congregation. I don’t think we even have an Isaac.” He smiled. “Too bad, because around here, it’s an old Yankee name. Isn’t the Town Clerk Isaac Broadhurst?” He nodded at her middle. “How about Isaac for the coming Small?”
“You know we decided on Jonathan,” she said with determination.
“I know, but it has been bothering me. It suggests David. Now I’m David, and it might give the young man the idea that we were pals, friends, contemporaries David and Jonathan. I’m afraid the young man might presume.”
“Well, Isaac is out of the question,” she said again. “Your uncle is named Isaac, and your family would never agree to another Isaac Small while he is still living.”
“I suppose not. I’m inclined to believe the Christians are a little smarter than we in the matter of names. When they can’t decide what to call a child, they can always use Junior. And then Second and Third. David Small the Third. Now there’s a name for you!”
“It could be a girl, you know.”
The rabbi appeared to consider. Then he shook his head. “I’m afraid not. My mother is a strong-minded woman. She has decided that the first one will be a boy. I don’t think she’d countenance the change.”
“I’m kind of strong-minded myself, and recently I’ve been thinking that perhaps I’d prefer a girl. I think you’d like a girl, David. Girls are gentle and kind and ”
“Strong-minded.”
“Of course, if it were a girl,” she went on, “I’d have to name her after my Aunt Hetty. I’d have to. Uncle Zachary would never forgive me if I didn’t.”
“And I’d never forgive you if you did. It’s too big a handicap for a girl, and it’s asking too much of a new father. Perhaps if the fifth or sixth child should be a girl By then I’d be an old hand as a parent and more able to take the name in stride.”
“But Aunt Hetty has been dead barely a year, and there’s no one else who can name a child for her. Certainly Dot is not likely to have any more children. Even if it’s a boy, and we name him Jonathan, I’ll have a hard time explaining to my uncle why we didn’t call him something like Harry or Henry or Herbert.”
“And how would that constitute naming him after your Aunt Hetty?”
“Well, it’s the same initial.”
“Talk about silly superstitions. When we name a child, the father is called up for the Reading of the Torah, and then a blessing is made in the Hebrew name of the child. The Hebrew name is always a combination of the given name and the name of the father. Your aunt’s name was what? Hepzibah? So she was Hepzibah bas Joshua. She was your father’s sister, wasn’t she?”
“His oldest sister.”
“Fine. Now if we named our boy after her, he would have to be something like Hillel Hillel ben David. Now does Hillel ben David in any way match Hepzibah bas Joshua?”
She was troubled. “But if the baby should be a girl, we could name it after my aunt and call her Harriet or Helen ”
“Or we could call her Sally and say that we were matching the last letter of the name rather than the first.”
She glanced at him doubtfully. “Would that be quite the same?”
“It would certainly be just as sensible.” His face softened. “As you know, every Jewish child has two names: a Hebrew name which is
*
“The Marcuses,” Miriam explained as she returned to the table. “They’re recent members ”
“Yes, I know. Joe, no, Jordan Marcus?”
“That’s right. They called about an Isaac Hirsh who died last night. As a matter of fact, that’s the second call. A Dr. Sykes called just after I got back from the temple. He wanted to see you about this same Isaac Hirsh. I made an appointment for him for tomorrow. Do we know an Isaac Hirsh?”
“He’s not a member of the congregation. I don’t think we even have an Isaac.” He smiled. “Too bad, because around here, it’s an old Yankee name. Isn’t the Town Clerk Isaac Broadhurst?” He nodded at her middle. “How about Isaac for the coming Small?”
“You know we decided on Jonathan,” she said with determination.
“I know, but it has been bothering me. It suggests David. Now I’m David, and it might give the young man the idea that we were pals, friends, contemporaries David and Jonathan. I’m afraid the young man might presume.”
“Well, Isaac is out of the question,” she said again. “Your uncle is named Isaac, and your family would never agree to another Isaac Small while he is still living.”
“I suppose not. I’m inclined to believe the Christians are a little smarter than we in the matter of names. When they can’t decide what to call a child, they can always use Junior. And then Second and Third. David Small the Third. Now there’s a name for you!”
“It could be a girl, you know.”
The rabbi appeared to consider. Then he shook his head. “I’m afraid not. My mother is a strong-minded woman. She has decided that the first one will be a boy. I don’t think she’d countenance the change.”
“I’m kind of strong-minded myself, and recently I’ve been thinking that perhaps I’d prefer a girl. I think you’d like a girl, David. Girls are gentle and kind and ”
“Strong-minded.”
“Of course, if it were a girl,” she went on, “I’d have to name her after my Aunt Hetty. I’d have to. Uncle Zachary would never forgive me if I didn’t.”
“And I’d never forgive you if you did. It’s too big a handicap for a girl, and it’s asking too much of a new father. Perhaps if the fifth or sixth child should be a girl By then I’d be an old hand as a parent and more able to take the name in stride.”
“But Aunt Hetty has been dead barely a year, and there’s no one else who can name a child for her. Certainly Dot is not likely to have any more children. Even if it’s a boy, and we name him Jonathan, I’ll have a hard time explaining to my uncle why we didn’t call him something like Harry or Henry or Herbert.”
“And how would that constitute naming him after your Aunt Hetty?”
“Well, it’s the same initial.”
“Talk about silly superstitions. When we name a child, the father is called up for the Reading of the Torah, and then a blessing is made in the Hebrew name of the child. The Hebrew name is always a combination of the given name and the name of the father. Your aunt’s name was what? Hepzibah? So she was Hepzibah bas Joshua. She was your father’s sister, wasn’t she?”
“His oldest sister.”
“Fine. Now if we named our boy after her, he would have to be something like Hillel Hillel ben David. Now does Hillel ben David in any way match Hepzibah bas Joshua?”
She was troubled. “But if the baby should be a girl, we could name it after my aunt and call her Harriet or Helen ”
“Or we could call her Sally and say that we were matching the last letter of the name rather than the first.”
She glanced at him doubtfully. “Would that be quite the same?”
“It would certainly be just as sensible.” His face softened. “As you know, every Jewish child has two names: a Hebrew name which is
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