whispered in tense moments.”
I chuckled. “Good conversation last week with Ben. Opened my eyes to some things.” Dr. Ribaldi had seized on revelation of my conversation with Ben about fault and pursued it with dogged determination in our last therapy session. I met with her on my own and then weekly with Ben. For the first time since Lane’s verdict, I could see the pieces of myself coming back together. Slowly, like spilled mercury drawn to itself with a tiny shove in the right direction. Wearing gloves, of course.
“Gavin, that’s great!” Myah proclaimed as our food arrived. I picked up my club sandwich and threw the confetti tipped toothpick at her playfully.
“Just don’t say ‘I told you so,’ since you’ve been telling me I’m flawed from day one.”
She grinned, attacking her burger as if it offended her.
“I don’t care how you get there, Gavin. Just that you do.”
We talked about Cole and the weekly family brunch coming up Sunday. News was sure to travel to my father, a retired lieutenant, about Arnold Stevenson’s murder, so we set a boundary we wouldn’t cross for discussing an open case. She even suggested distracting them with relationship talk. Lately, she and Cole had been in the crosshairs of familial pressure, and I marveled at how easily she let it slide. Very little rattled her. It occurred to me how much I already considered her a part of my family.
“Think Cole will pop the question any time soon?” I finished my last fry, pushing my plate away and draining my Coke. I grinned at her, making it obvious I was being a shit, but I was curious, as well.
“Not you, too,” she groaned. “I swear, no one’s just happy we’re together. What’s the big damn hurry to get us hitched?”
“I am happy you’re together. Sorry, but I don’t have a lot of experience with women who aren’t looking for the whole shebang.” My brother, Shawn, had married his girlfriend Chrissy the previous spring, and while she’d never pressured him, she’d been over the moon when he proposed. “And this is Cole’s longest relationship. Can’t help but wonder.”
“Well, then consider it a victory already instead of thinking about what we’re lacking. We are happy. I see no reason to change things. When we’re not happy anymore, you’ll be the first to know.”
“Well, it’s not like they can pressure me into getting married again.” While my parents had a mixed bag of reactions to my gay status, they had gone out of their way to make Ben welcome, but didn’t quite know how to behave around him. Sometimes it was endearing. Most of the time, it irritated the piss out of me.
“In time, maybe,” she mused. “Isn’t a collaring the same as getting married in your world?”
I shuddered at the thought of something as restrictive as a collar around my neck. “It can be. It’s just as symbolic. But I don’t think I can—”
“Oh, of course not,” she said quickly. “That was thoughtless of me.”
I waved her off, not wanting to make it an issue. Grabbing the check, I glanced at my watch and realized how late it was. Ben would be worried, even though I’d called him upon returning from Angela Stevenson’s house. He knew what kind of day it had been for me, and with the deteriorating weather, I needed to get home.
As I handed the bill to the waitress, something struck me. I’m looking forward to Ben holding me tonight. I suddenly craved his touch, needed to fall into his arms and reassure myself life went on. I wanted to hear his heartbeat, feel his warmth, the rise and fall of his chest. The waitress couldn’t return with my receipts fast enough. Progress indeed.
Myah, to her credit, didn’t pry at what must have been a very revealing expression on my face. She merely winked at me, squeezed my hand briefly, and once the bill was settled and we were bundled up, we trundled to our cars. The snow stuck to everything, leaving a thin veneer of white that gave the world a
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