Read Online Sad Desk Salad by Jessica Grose - Free Book Online Page B
Authors: Jessica Grose
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Jane. My sense of self has been so altered by the BTCH, I need to see someone who has long known the real me as opposed to the virtual me. I e-mail Peter at his work address to be sure that he gets it.
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: Tonight
Hey Love,
I’m really sorry again about last night. I never meant to worry you, I’m just having a hard time with everything that’s going on.
Anyway, I was wondering if you’re going to be late at work tonight. If the answer is yes, I am going to see Jane. If the answer is no, I’ll cook something amazing.
Hope you’re surviving at work.
xoxox A
Peter responds immediately.
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Tonight
I am going to be here until at least 11. Go be with Jane. Don’t worry about this AM. We can talk about it more later but it’s nbd.
Love,
P
I sigh with relief and IM Jane as soon as I get Peter’s e-mail.
Alex182 (1:21:22): Peter says it’s cool—I think he’s mostly forgiven me. I can’t wait to see you!!!
JaneRivera (1:21:45): Yaaaay! Me too. Let’s meet at the Cactus Inn.
Alex182 (1:22:31): Yessss! We haven’t been there in forevs. I’ll see you after I’m done with work.
JaneRivera (1:22:58): Awesome. xoxoxo
This part of the summer is notoriously slow news-wise, and there isn’t even a good celebrity wedding that I can fawn over and/or mock. My RSS feed is a wasteland, same with Twitter and Facebook. As a last-ditch effort, I decide to check my inbox for tips.
The first thing I see when I click to my Chick Habit account could be spam, or it could be that big break I’ve been looking for. The sender’s name is just a series of symbols, but the subject line has traffic landslide potential:
Daughter of “Genius Mom” Author Darleen West: Snorting Coke in Her Skivvies
Darleen West has made a mint off telling America’s women that they’re just not working hard enough at being good mothers. She made a huge splash last year with her book, How to Raise a Genius, Times Four . You see, Mrs. West has a set of quadruplet daughters, all of whom go to top-tier schools: Raina is at Yale, Rachel is at Harvard, Renata goes to Columbia, and Rebecca—who invented a new kind of robot when she was still in high school in Omaha—is the toast of MIT.
West was an executive at a big petrochemical firm until she had the quads when she was thirty-seven. It was the result of in vitro, of course (not that she would ever admit to it). When she realized that she was pregnant with four, rather than one, she figured a large brood was part of God’s plan for her. Her husband, Bob, a fellow exec, kept working for the Fortune 500 company, but West decided that she was going to put all her considerable gumption into raising those four girls to be the best women they could possibly be.
In her book, Darleen outlined the countless hours she spent drilling the quads on their times tables before kindergarten and how she taught all four girls to read ancient Greek before their seventh birthday. “Rebecca fought me at first,” Darleen conceded in the New York Times excerpt, “but eventually she came around and said, ‘Mama, eukha’ristos eimi —thank you for making me learn.’” The problem with today’s moms, Darleen has said, is that they’re too lazy. Her perfectly coiffed and expertly dyed blond bob makes frequent appearances as a parenting expert on various morning shows.
Now that Darleen has become a national figure, she’s decided to take her influence to the next level: She’s running for state senate in Nebraska’s twentieth district in a special election to fill a vacant seat. The previous state senator had to resign earlier this year because of a scandal involving improper use of funds. He was making state troopers drive his mistress to the salon and his kids to soccer games. A brief perusal of the brand-new darleen4senate.org
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: Tonight
Hey Love,
I’m really sorry again about last night. I never meant to worry you, I’m just having a hard time with everything that’s going on.
Anyway, I was wondering if you’re going to be late at work tonight. If the answer is yes, I am going to see Jane. If the answer is no, I’ll cook something amazing.
Hope you’re surviving at work.
xoxox A
Peter responds immediately.
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Tonight
I am going to be here until at least 11. Go be with Jane. Don’t worry about this AM. We can talk about it more later but it’s nbd.
Love,
P
I sigh with relief and IM Jane as soon as I get Peter’s e-mail.
Alex182 (1:21:22): Peter says it’s cool—I think he’s mostly forgiven me. I can’t wait to see you!!!
JaneRivera (1:21:45): Yaaaay! Me too. Let’s meet at the Cactus Inn.
Alex182 (1:22:31): Yessss! We haven’t been there in forevs. I’ll see you after I’m done with work.
JaneRivera (1:22:58): Awesome. xoxoxo
This part of the summer is notoriously slow news-wise, and there isn’t even a good celebrity wedding that I can fawn over and/or mock. My RSS feed is a wasteland, same with Twitter and Facebook. As a last-ditch effort, I decide to check my inbox for tips.
The first thing I see when I click to my Chick Habit account could be spam, or it could be that big break I’ve been looking for. The sender’s name is just a series of symbols, but the subject line has traffic landslide potential:
Daughter of “Genius Mom” Author Darleen West: Snorting Coke in Her Skivvies
Darleen West has made a mint off telling America’s women that they’re just not working hard enough at being good mothers. She made a huge splash last year with her book, How to Raise a Genius, Times Four . You see, Mrs. West has a set of quadruplet daughters, all of whom go to top-tier schools: Raina is at Yale, Rachel is at Harvard, Renata goes to Columbia, and Rebecca—who invented a new kind of robot when she was still in high school in Omaha—is the toast of MIT.
West was an executive at a big petrochemical firm until she had the quads when she was thirty-seven. It was the result of in vitro, of course (not that she would ever admit to it). When she realized that she was pregnant with four, rather than one, she figured a large brood was part of God’s plan for her. Her husband, Bob, a fellow exec, kept working for the Fortune 500 company, but West decided that she was going to put all her considerable gumption into raising those four girls to be the best women they could possibly be.
In her book, Darleen outlined the countless hours she spent drilling the quads on their times tables before kindergarten and how she taught all four girls to read ancient Greek before their seventh birthday. “Rebecca fought me at first,” Darleen conceded in the New York Times excerpt, “but eventually she came around and said, ‘Mama, eukha’ristos eimi —thank you for making me learn.’” The problem with today’s moms, Darleen has said, is that they’re too lazy. Her perfectly coiffed and expertly dyed blond bob makes frequent appearances as a parenting expert on various morning shows.
Now that Darleen has become a national figure, she’s decided to take her influence to the next level: She’s running for state senate in Nebraska’s twentieth district in a special election to fill a vacant seat. The previous state senator had to resign earlier this year because of a scandal involving improper use of funds. He was making state troopers drive his mistress to the salon and his kids to soccer games. A brief perusal of the brand-new darleen4senate.org
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