Read Online Rocky Mountain Die by Jake Bible - Free Book Online Page B
Authors: Jake Bible
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“leave the cripple’s ass behind” vibe.
“You’re talking out loud again, Dad,” Charlie says.
“Dammit!” I snap.
“Shhhh,” Stella warns. “We are trying to avoid bringing the Zs up to us.”
“Oh, I’m sorry, did my having my skull cracked open and Dr. Jailbait and Dr. Fucknuts McGee slicing and dicing on my brain for no fucking reason inconvenience you?” I growl. “Is it too much to ask for random brain surgery in a dentist’s office to actually work?”
“Yeah,” Stuart says. “It is.”
“You’re lucky to be breathing, Dad,” Charlie says. “You really should have died from that.”
I wave Stumpageddon about. “I should have died from a lot of things in this apocalypse, but I haven’t.” I wave Stumpageddon some more. “Hey, look. I can control Stumpy. Cool.”
“Talking, talking, talking,” Cassie says. “That’s all this guy ever does.”
“Talk, talk, talk is what you meant to say,” I respond. “Either that or you should have ended with ‘that’s all this guy is ever doing’.”
“Jace? Shut up, please,” Stella says. She looks to Elsbeth. “Any thoughts on how to get us out of here?”
“Us? Nope,” Elsbeth says. “Long Pork’s wheels are a problem.”
“But I make up for them with charm,” I say.
“I can help,” Cassie says. “I promise not to kill any of you.”
“Nice try,” Stuart says. “No way we’re untying you.”
“There’s an elevator by the restrooms,” Charlie says. “Maybe we can load up in there and manually lower it. Might be able to sneak out through the back once we get to the first floor.”
“You know how to manually lower an elevator?” I ask. “If you do then I’ll be very, very impressed.”
Seriously. I will. That would be a cool trick.
“Out loud?” I ask.
“What? No,” Stella says.
“Cool. Some thoughts are staying inside. Progress,” I say.
“Carly and I can clear a path,” Cassie says. “Set me free and I’ll get you outside.”
“Then where?” Stella says. “There’re more of them out there. We’re better off fixing the front doors and cleaning up in here.”
“The roof,” Stuart says. “We get up there and we’ll be safe.”
“We’ll be popsicles,” Charlie says.
“We take some books with us and build a fire,” Stuart says then realizes what he’s saying. “And signal to everyone where we are. Including the Consortium if they’ve gotten here already.”
“What about your sisters?” Stella asks. “Not Cassie, but the others? You said they were close?”
“Not the plan,” Elsbeth replies.
“Plans change, El,” Stella snaps. “Can you call them here to help?”
“Do you have like a special killer chick yodel or something?” I ask. “That would be so cool if you did.”
“No yodel,” Elsbeth says. “And no sisters. Not now. Not the plan.”
Several loud crashes echo down below followed by the distinct sounds of feet clomping on metal.
“They figured out that escalators are just stairs,” I say. “Stupid fucking Zs and their need to problem solve. Can’t they just shamble and bump into each other? Why do they have to always take the escalator less traveled by?”
“That makes no sense, Dad,” Charlie says.
“ Yo u make no sense,” I respond. “Zinger.”
“Oh, hell, just kill him or leave him!” Cassie says. “He’s the weak link! You’ll all survive if you ditch his ass!”
“We don’t leave Long Pork,” Elsbeth growls, getting right in her face. “Long Pork is family and we don’t leave family.”
“The sisters were your family once and you left us,” Cassie says.
“That was different,” Elsbeth replies. “And I found you now.”
“But you’ll leave me again, won’t you? Leave me to get eaten?” Cassie says.
Then she opens her mouth and lets out the loudest bloodcurdling scream I have ever heard in my life. I really wish my left arm, you know, the intact one, was working so I could clap my hand over my ear. Not that it
“You’re talking out loud again, Dad,” Charlie says.
“Dammit!” I snap.
“Shhhh,” Stella warns. “We are trying to avoid bringing the Zs up to us.”
“Oh, I’m sorry, did my having my skull cracked open and Dr. Jailbait and Dr. Fucknuts McGee slicing and dicing on my brain for no fucking reason inconvenience you?” I growl. “Is it too much to ask for random brain surgery in a dentist’s office to actually work?”
“Yeah,” Stuart says. “It is.”
“You’re lucky to be breathing, Dad,” Charlie says. “You really should have died from that.”
I wave Stumpageddon about. “I should have died from a lot of things in this apocalypse, but I haven’t.” I wave Stumpageddon some more. “Hey, look. I can control Stumpy. Cool.”
“Talking, talking, talking,” Cassie says. “That’s all this guy ever does.”
“Talk, talk, talk is what you meant to say,” I respond. “Either that or you should have ended with ‘that’s all this guy is ever doing’.”
“Jace? Shut up, please,” Stella says. She looks to Elsbeth. “Any thoughts on how to get us out of here?”
“Us? Nope,” Elsbeth says. “Long Pork’s wheels are a problem.”
“But I make up for them with charm,” I say.
“I can help,” Cassie says. “I promise not to kill any of you.”
“Nice try,” Stuart says. “No way we’re untying you.”
“There’s an elevator by the restrooms,” Charlie says. “Maybe we can load up in there and manually lower it. Might be able to sneak out through the back once we get to the first floor.”
“You know how to manually lower an elevator?” I ask. “If you do then I’ll be very, very impressed.”
Seriously. I will. That would be a cool trick.
“Out loud?” I ask.
“What? No,” Stella says.
“Cool. Some thoughts are staying inside. Progress,” I say.
“Carly and I can clear a path,” Cassie says. “Set me free and I’ll get you outside.”
“Then where?” Stella says. “There’re more of them out there. We’re better off fixing the front doors and cleaning up in here.”
“The roof,” Stuart says. “We get up there and we’ll be safe.”
“We’ll be popsicles,” Charlie says.
“We take some books with us and build a fire,” Stuart says then realizes what he’s saying. “And signal to everyone where we are. Including the Consortium if they’ve gotten here already.”
“What about your sisters?” Stella asks. “Not Cassie, but the others? You said they were close?”
“Not the plan,” Elsbeth replies.
“Plans change, El,” Stella snaps. “Can you call them here to help?”
“Do you have like a special killer chick yodel or something?” I ask. “That would be so cool if you did.”
“No yodel,” Elsbeth says. “And no sisters. Not now. Not the plan.”
Several loud crashes echo down below followed by the distinct sounds of feet clomping on metal.
“They figured out that escalators are just stairs,” I say. “Stupid fucking Zs and their need to problem solve. Can’t they just shamble and bump into each other? Why do they have to always take the escalator less traveled by?”
“That makes no sense, Dad,” Charlie says.
“ Yo u make no sense,” I respond. “Zinger.”
“Oh, hell, just kill him or leave him!” Cassie says. “He’s the weak link! You’ll all survive if you ditch his ass!”
“We don’t leave Long Pork,” Elsbeth growls, getting right in her face. “Long Pork is family and we don’t leave family.”
“The sisters were your family once and you left us,” Cassie says.
“That was different,” Elsbeth replies. “And I found you now.”
“But you’ll leave me again, won’t you? Leave me to get eaten?” Cassie says.
Then she opens her mouth and lets out the loudest bloodcurdling scream I have ever heard in my life. I really wish my left arm, you know, the intact one, was working so I could clap my hand over my ear. Not that it
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