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lamplight but he might be blushing. I enjoy this thought until I realize the implication of my question.
    “I mean—”
    He chuckles. “Thanks, Cooper. You’re going to knock the girls off their feet too, soon as you have a few hairs on that chest.”
    I rub the stone.
    Jace rolls onto his back. Leaves from a low-hanging branch make the shadows on the tent’s ceiling dance. The river babbles in the distance. “I met this one girl at Darren’s last party—”
    “What party?” I ask.
    “Last weekend when you were at your mum’s. Anyway, she likes me. She’s a tall blonde with green eyes like—” I still. Like what? “Granny Smith apples,” he says finally.
    “That’s—” Lovely? Great? Wonderful? Why don’t they run off and make some precious green-eyed babies already! “—that’s precise.”
    He hums. “Yeah.”
    “What’s her name?” I wonder if I sound too bitter.
    “Susan.”
    “She’s in your grade?”
    He nods. “Not in my classes, though. Probably why I haven’t noticed her.”
    “Is she as well-endowed as the pics in your magazines?” I definitely sound too bitter.
    Jace faces me. “Why are you still upset about those magazines? Everyone jacks off to porn.”
    “I don’t.”
    Jace frowns for a moment then nods. “I told you you’re welcome to—”
    “I don’t want your crusty magazines.”
    He laughs. “I guess that is a bit gross. I can get you something fresh if you want. A few good online sites maybe?”
    I want to knock my head against something hard. “No, it’s . . .” You really going to spill those beans here? While you’re alone in a tent you have to share? “Nothing. I’m good with the shower. Easy to clean.”
    “You’re missing out. I have this lube—”
    “Lube?” This comes out a yell and I slap a hand to cover my mouth.
    Jace snorts. “You’re fun. I can teach you so much. When you’re fucking your fist with this lube, it feels so slick it has to be close to the real thing.”
    “Let’s stop this conversation.”
    “You getting hard thinking about it? Me too.”
    I look down at the gentle rise of his sleeping bag—
    “What about you?” he asks, tucking his hands behind his head. “Any girlfriends? Crushes?”
    Saying no would feel like I’m admitting something so I nod instead. “Sure. Plenty.” That should be enough to take the heat off.
    And it does.
    But I don’t feel relieved. I feel like the biggest chickenshit ever.
     
    * * *
     
    When Jace finally drifts off, I crawl out of my sleeping bag, grab the light, and tiptoe to Annie’s tent. I tug her foot and whisper until she stirs.
    She gives a small jerk when she sees me, but quickly pulls it together.
    We sneak to the edge of the river where cold stones sink under our feet. Moonlight reflects on the water, and the bush looks like it’s painted navy-blue.
    Annie shivers. I wish I’d brought us a blanket—
    “Wait a sec,” I rush back to the campsite, sneak back into my tent and slide out the sleeping bag.
    “Here,” I say to Annie, unzipping the bag. “We can huddle in this.”
    Our feet are still cold but our shoulders are covered comfortably.
    “It feels different out here at night.”
    “Still. Quiet. Like a suspended breath.”
    “Nice.”
    She nudges her foot against mine. “Why are we out here, Cooper?”
    “Have you ever felt so full of thoughts you think you could burst?”
    She leans between her feet and picks up a stone. “When Mum first told me Dad was leaving us. All the anger, the questions, and that damn feeling of inferiority pounded in my head. I thought all you’d have to do was pull out a needle and prick, and I’d deflate until nothing was left. Sometimes I wished it too, so that I didn’t have to feel sad anymore.”
    I wriggle my toes against the arch of her foot. “I feel like that right now,” I say. “Angry, loads of questions, inferior. But also . . . butterflies. I’m totally excited but I hate that I’m excited. Hatred might be