Remember
heavy schedule a little frightening. Though she wanted to be independent, to make a life for herself and
    49

s a I I e y
    Jessie, Kari had to admit she looked forward to Ryan’s calls. She liked the way he asked about Jessie, checking on her milestones and celebrating when she smiled or slept through the night. Talking to him was different from talking to her family about
    I those things.
    i-. But with the season starting, he wouldn’t have time to call-or $, certainly not as often as before. It was another reason why she |b had tried not to depend on him since Tim’s death. Ryan had his f|’ own life in New York. Anything could happen once he began Up traveling with the team and coaching games. He could lose track of her or meet someone else and fall in love.
    I| Kari couldn’t blame him if he did. She hadn’t given him any Hf reason to hang on.
    X Ryan broke the silence. “So how’s Jessie?” Kari could hear the It smile in his voice.
    » “Beautiful. Growing like a weed.”
    mt “Letting her mother get any sleep?”
    K “Of course not. We have diaper duty at midnight, hunger »’ pangs at three in the morning, and meaningful discussions at M five.” Kari sank deeper into the pillows. She was more tired than «    m|’ Ryan’s tone was so clear, so real, he might as well have been ]8| sitting beside her. “That’s nice, ^ut we’re okay.”
    « “Really, Kari?” His tone was velvet. “Are you?”
    K “Yes.” She sat up. “Jessie and I need this time together. FigK uring out where we go from here, you know? Working through Si - the memories.”
    fflk “Are you modeling much?”
    jffl| “A few days a month.” Kari stood, cradling the phone on her ¦I shoulder as she walked over to the window. The evening sumK
    ‘ mer sunshine washed over her face. She’d modeled since graduK ating from high school, and in the past few years she’d done a lot Bl: 49
    50
    of catalog work, but when her marriage fell apart, she’d taken time off. Now that Jessie was sleeping through the night, she was gradually getting back into it. Tim’s insurance money wouldn’t last forever, and she needed the income. But it wasn’t fun like before, and Kari understood why. Tim’s death had created a void in her life that modeling jobs didn’t fill. “I don’t know how much longer I’ll do it.”
    “How come?”
    “Life’s too short. I want my time away from Jessie to count for more than pretty pictures.”
    They were quiet for a moment. She leaned on the windowsill and gazed at the old farms in the distance. She never tired of this view, the trees behind her parents’ house bursting with summertime.
    Kari bit her lip. She wanted to ask Ryan what he was doing, how he was spending his free time. But she couldn’t. It would hurt too much to hear he was dating, to know he’d moved on since their time together last fall.
    Of course, it would also hurt to know he was waiting for her, as he’d done so often before. Because a part of her heart-the part that was capable of love and relationship and togetherness-had been numb since Tim was killed. There was no telling when it might thaw-or if it ever would.
    Kari watched two bluebirds dancing in midair outside the window. “So, you’re about to be crazy busy.”
    “I’m crazy busy now.”
    “True. Meetings and, you know, whatever else.” Again Kari resisted the urge to ask questions.
    When she was silent, Ryan spoke, reading her heart as easily as he had always been able to do. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
    “Nothing.” She knew her answer was too quick. “I’m glad you’re busy. That’s all.”
    “Kari…” He released a quiet laugh. “Just come out and ask me.”
    She tried to sound indignant. “Ask you

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