am and who my parents are, and then the feeding frenzy starts. I’m trying to deal with my issues, really I am. But the thought of letting anyone know my past, let alone someone who has tabloid reporters digging around them all of the time, is too much for me.”
“Sydney, do you think it’s worth living your life this way? Hiding because of the possibility of a media frenzy? The more you hide, the worse it’s going to be when it happens. And yes, I said when it happens. You can’t hide forever; your dad is still in the news all the time and …”
“Stop!” I yell. “I don’t want to hear about my dad.” I haven’t told Leah about my flirtation with Reid Tannen on Google the other night, and I’m not quite ready to let her know. God, she’d want to psychoanalyze that for hours if she knew. “I know that I was just a kid, but you can’t be naïve enough to think that there isn’t fascination as to where I went? People haven’t forgotten. I mean, my mom just up and left Hollywood with me, and we never went back. When it comes out, it’s going to be ugly. I’m not ready yet, I’m just not.”
I can hear Leah sigh on the other end of the phone. “Sydney, the point is, is that if you like a guy; he’s going to find out who you are eventually. I just think that the huge betrayal that you’re waiting for isn’t going to come from the one you love. You are not your mom. Live your life and stop worrying about your parents’ mistakes.”
“I’m trying. It’s just … complicated.”
“I know, girl, I know. I just don’t want to you to wake up one day and realize you missed out on life because of something that might never happen, and honestly, doesn’t matter. You can’t let tabloids dictate your life.”
I know this. I’ve always known this. It’s just so hard to accept after seeing what happened to my parents, to me. “I’m tired, Leah. I think I’ll hit the sack.” Between Adam, GQ, Leah, Reid Tannen, Google, and Drew, I have too much to process on my own to talk about it anymore.
“Okay, see you tomorrow. And hey, don’t think I’ve forgotten about the hottie you left the café with today. I want a full update next time I see you.”
I smile as I think of Drew and his scruffy chin and adorable dimple, not to mention his hot body pressed against me. “Okay, bye Leah.”
“Bye Syd.”
Physically and mentally exhausted, I get up off the floor and throw the phone onto my bed. Today was great in some ways, meeting Drew and having an actual date and enjoying myself; but the whole “Adam is famous” thing on top of obsessing over Googling my dad the other night and Leah lecturing me to get over my parents’ divorce, made today shitty too.
I dread sleep tonight. I know my anxiety level is somewhere around DEFCON 1, the nightmares are inevitable. I drag myself into the closet and change into a tank top and sleep shorts and flop into bed.
****
“Hello class, we have a new student starting today. Miss Sydney Tannen just moved here from California, I hope everyone will welcome her kindly.” The older woman with the uptight hairstyle and glasses on a chain holds onto my arms with her cold, bony hands. “Sydney, just take the empty chair in the back row, dear.” She looks down at me and smiles a little too wide and I notice a big glob of lipstick on her front tooth .
Gross!
I stare at my shoes and try to ignore the whispers as I make my way down the aisle of desks. I’m used to being the “cool” girl, the one everyone wanted to know. I have no idea how to bear the burden of being the target of gossip and stares and pity. Going from popular to pariah overnight isn’t easy when you were twelve. I’m not sure I will survive this hell.
When I reach the empty seat in the back row, I throw my new designer bag onto the desk and slump down into the chair, determined to become invisible. I thought I was succeeding in disappearing when I’m pelted by a balled up piece of
“Sydney, do you think it’s worth living your life this way? Hiding because of the possibility of a media frenzy? The more you hide, the worse it’s going to be when it happens. And yes, I said when it happens. You can’t hide forever; your dad is still in the news all the time and …”
“Stop!” I yell. “I don’t want to hear about my dad.” I haven’t told Leah about my flirtation with Reid Tannen on Google the other night, and I’m not quite ready to let her know. God, she’d want to psychoanalyze that for hours if she knew. “I know that I was just a kid, but you can’t be naïve enough to think that there isn’t fascination as to where I went? People haven’t forgotten. I mean, my mom just up and left Hollywood with me, and we never went back. When it comes out, it’s going to be ugly. I’m not ready yet, I’m just not.”
I can hear Leah sigh on the other end of the phone. “Sydney, the point is, is that if you like a guy; he’s going to find out who you are eventually. I just think that the huge betrayal that you’re waiting for isn’t going to come from the one you love. You are not your mom. Live your life and stop worrying about your parents’ mistakes.”
“I’m trying. It’s just … complicated.”
“I know, girl, I know. I just don’t want to you to wake up one day and realize you missed out on life because of something that might never happen, and honestly, doesn’t matter. You can’t let tabloids dictate your life.”
I know this. I’ve always known this. It’s just so hard to accept after seeing what happened to my parents, to me. “I’m tired, Leah. I think I’ll hit the sack.” Between Adam, GQ, Leah, Reid Tannen, Google, and Drew, I have too much to process on my own to talk about it anymore.
“Okay, see you tomorrow. And hey, don’t think I’ve forgotten about the hottie you left the café with today. I want a full update next time I see you.”
I smile as I think of Drew and his scruffy chin and adorable dimple, not to mention his hot body pressed against me. “Okay, bye Leah.”
“Bye Syd.”
Physically and mentally exhausted, I get up off the floor and throw the phone onto my bed. Today was great in some ways, meeting Drew and having an actual date and enjoying myself; but the whole “Adam is famous” thing on top of obsessing over Googling my dad the other night and Leah lecturing me to get over my parents’ divorce, made today shitty too.
I dread sleep tonight. I know my anxiety level is somewhere around DEFCON 1, the nightmares are inevitable. I drag myself into the closet and change into a tank top and sleep shorts and flop into bed.
****
“Hello class, we have a new student starting today. Miss Sydney Tannen just moved here from California, I hope everyone will welcome her kindly.” The older woman with the uptight hairstyle and glasses on a chain holds onto my arms with her cold, bony hands. “Sydney, just take the empty chair in the back row, dear.” She looks down at me and smiles a little too wide and I notice a big glob of lipstick on her front tooth .
Gross!
I stare at my shoes and try to ignore the whispers as I make my way down the aisle of desks. I’m used to being the “cool” girl, the one everyone wanted to know. I have no idea how to bear the burden of being the target of gossip and stares and pity. Going from popular to pariah overnight isn’t easy when you were twelve. I’m not sure I will survive this hell.
When I reach the empty seat in the back row, I throw my new designer bag onto the desk and slump down into the chair, determined to become invisible. I thought I was succeeding in disappearing when I’m pelted by a balled up piece of
Similar Books
It's Always Darkest Before the Fridge Door Opens: Enjoying the Fruits of Middle Age
Phil Callaway, Martha O. Bolton
