the sound of quiet conversation out onto the veranda, and Travis was right behind me. George and Laura stopped talking and both eyed me cautiously, probably expecting me to bombard her with questions or tell her she wasn’t ever welcome.
And maybe Travis was right.
I could have asked this woman a million questions. And maybe I should have. Like why did she leave? How could a mother leave her child? Where had she been the last twenty-something years? What life did she have now? Did she ever think of me? On birthdays? At Christmas? Did she even care? Why did she come back? Why now? What was she after?
She handed me the slip of paper, which had a phone number and an address on it. “I’d really like it if we could talk,” she said. “When you’re ready. Doesn’t matter how long it takes. I’m sure you have a lot of questions,” she said.
“No,” I answered. “I don’t really.” If she was expecting some profound, happy-tears reunion, she was very, very wrong. “Just one, actually. Just one question.”
I could see it in her eyes, that flicker of fear, the bracing for you-are-not-my-mother impact. “Of course.”
My question was really quite simple, yet it would change my life forever. “Who is Samuel Jennings?”
CHAPTER FIVE
The weight of words.
“Breathe for me, Charlie,” Travis said. His hands cupped my face, his voice was close and warm. He was pressing me against the wall in the foyer, holding me up.
I still had Nugget in my arms. I could feel him wiggle between us, and Travis lifted him so he wasn’t squashed.
Why was it so hard to breathe?
Then I remembered.
Like it was being played in reverse, in slow, slow motion, I remembered. I remember George telling Laura it might be best if she left. I remembered Travis taking my hand and pulling me inside while I stood there shaking my head, trying to make sense of what she’d said.
How could it hit so hard?
How could it hurt so much?
My mother turns up and I really couldn’t have cared less. I had it all under control. She was no more than a stranger to me. She was nothing I didn’t already have. I have a mother. I have Ma, so this Laura turning up meant nothing. Just a fill-in-the-blank detail, a face to put to the memory I’d long ago forgotten.
But this? This was different.
“Charlie?” Travis’s voice was close, like an anchor, a lifeline. “Look at me, just open your eyes.”
I did as he asked, and I don’t know what he saw in my eyes, but his face crumpled. His hand touched the side of my face and slid around my neck to pull me against him. My face buried in his neck. “Charlie,” he whispered. “Do you trust me?”
I nodded. “Of course.”
He snatched up my hand and led me down the hall. We passed the kitchen, and Trav handed Nugget over to Nara, and without another word, he walked me out the back door.
As we crossed the yard, he whistled loudly and Shelby trotted over to the fence with Texas not too far behind. He opened the gate, grabbed Texas by the mane above the hock and hauled himself up onto his bare back. He waited for me to do the same on Shelby, and then with a kick to his horse and a loud “Yah”, he galloped out of the yard.
And I followed him.
I leaned low down to Shelby’s neck and let her take flight. The feeling of her under me, the rapid three-step galloping thud-thud-thud as her hooves barely touched the ground was a comforting sound. The cool air and warm sun, the isolated and barren, familiar land was absolute, absolute mind-clearin’, soul-breathin’ peace. I’d gone from barely keepin’ it together to feelin’ like I was free in a matter of seconds.
I don’t know how, but Travis just knew what I needed.
Or maybe he needed the space for thinkin’-through-shit too.
Maybe he needed the open air, the vastness, the feeling of insignificance that only this landscape can bring as much as I did.
The immensity of open desert gave me perspective and room to breathe, and Travis
And maybe Travis was right.
I could have asked this woman a million questions. And maybe I should have. Like why did she leave? How could a mother leave her child? Where had she been the last twenty-something years? What life did she have now? Did she ever think of me? On birthdays? At Christmas? Did she even care? Why did she come back? Why now? What was she after?
She handed me the slip of paper, which had a phone number and an address on it. “I’d really like it if we could talk,” she said. “When you’re ready. Doesn’t matter how long it takes. I’m sure you have a lot of questions,” she said.
“No,” I answered. “I don’t really.” If she was expecting some profound, happy-tears reunion, she was very, very wrong. “Just one, actually. Just one question.”
I could see it in her eyes, that flicker of fear, the bracing for you-are-not-my-mother impact. “Of course.”
My question was really quite simple, yet it would change my life forever. “Who is Samuel Jennings?”
CHAPTER FIVE
The weight of words.
“Breathe for me, Charlie,” Travis said. His hands cupped my face, his voice was close and warm. He was pressing me against the wall in the foyer, holding me up.
I still had Nugget in my arms. I could feel him wiggle between us, and Travis lifted him so he wasn’t squashed.
Why was it so hard to breathe?
Then I remembered.
Like it was being played in reverse, in slow, slow motion, I remembered. I remember George telling Laura it might be best if she left. I remembered Travis taking my hand and pulling me inside while I stood there shaking my head, trying to make sense of what she’d said.
How could it hit so hard?
How could it hurt so much?
My mother turns up and I really couldn’t have cared less. I had it all under control. She was no more than a stranger to me. She was nothing I didn’t already have. I have a mother. I have Ma, so this Laura turning up meant nothing. Just a fill-in-the-blank detail, a face to put to the memory I’d long ago forgotten.
But this? This was different.
“Charlie?” Travis’s voice was close, like an anchor, a lifeline. “Look at me, just open your eyes.”
I did as he asked, and I don’t know what he saw in my eyes, but his face crumpled. His hand touched the side of my face and slid around my neck to pull me against him. My face buried in his neck. “Charlie,” he whispered. “Do you trust me?”
I nodded. “Of course.”
He snatched up my hand and led me down the hall. We passed the kitchen, and Trav handed Nugget over to Nara, and without another word, he walked me out the back door.
As we crossed the yard, he whistled loudly and Shelby trotted over to the fence with Texas not too far behind. He opened the gate, grabbed Texas by the mane above the hock and hauled himself up onto his bare back. He waited for me to do the same on Shelby, and then with a kick to his horse and a loud “Yah”, he galloped out of the yard.
And I followed him.
I leaned low down to Shelby’s neck and let her take flight. The feeling of her under me, the rapid three-step galloping thud-thud-thud as her hooves barely touched the ground was a comforting sound. The cool air and warm sun, the isolated and barren, familiar land was absolute, absolute mind-clearin’, soul-breathin’ peace. I’d gone from barely keepin’ it together to feelin’ like I was free in a matter of seconds.
I don’t know how, but Travis just knew what I needed.
Or maybe he needed the space for thinkin’-through-shit too.
Maybe he needed the open air, the vastness, the feeling of insignificance that only this landscape can bring as much as I did.
The immensity of open desert gave me perspective and room to breathe, and Travis
Similar Books
