Red Dirt Diary 2

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Authors: Katrina Nannestad
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better than the bagpipes by a long shot.
    Wes and Fez broke Peter’s nose today. Something to do with the Flying Ferals catapult and Peter riding past on the motorbike at the wrong time. Dad said Wes and Fez would have to help with the fencing for a few days until Peter is able to work again.
    James Welsh-Pearson rang this evening! Thankfully I answered the phone and realised who it was before I identified myself. I put on my best Italian accent and said, ‘Scusi mamma mia. The spaghetti’s boiling over. I have to go. Arrivederci!’
    Mum looked a bit suspicious when I told her it was a wrong number.
    I hope he isn’t ringing Miss McKenzie to beg her to marry him.
    Saturday, 20 January
    â€˜Presidents and Puppets’ by Festering Punks blasted across the plains at 6.35 am. Dad started to sing along as he was getting dressed!
    James Welsh-Pearson rang again today. Sophie answered the phone and talked sweetly for five minutes, asking all about Mrs WP and her latest game of mah jong. I signalled for her to hang up, but she pretended not to understand.I wrote HANG UP YOU SILLY TWIT!!! on a piece of paper, but she turned her back to me and chatted on.
    I’m not proud of what I did next but, really, I had no choice …
    I put the bagpipes CD on full blast, opened the back door and stood out of the way. Gerty charged in, squealing with anger, and head-butted the first person she saw. Sophie crashed to the floor and skidded under the dining table. The phone flew into the lounge room. Gerty bolted along the hallway and out the front door. I grabbed the phone and hung up.
    When James rang back, I pretended he had called an ice-cream shop in Denmark.
    And when Sophie blamed me for the enormous bruise on her bum, I pretended it was an innocent mistake.
    Dad came home tonight with a swollen thumb and a split lip. Wes and Fez looked like they’d tried to escape a prisoner-of-war camp by running full-speed through the barbed-wire fencing. Dad said Sophie and I would have to help with the fencing on Monday because things didn’t work out so well with the twin tornadoes.
    Sunday, 21 January
    Watched cricket all day.
    Just me, Dad, Peter, Petal and a plate of ham sandwiches.
    No dodgy phone calls from James Welsh-Pearson.
    No emotional phone calls from Matilda Jane the Mature.
    No phone calls from anyone , for that matter. I pulled the telephone connection out of its socket before breakfast and Mum didn’t notice until 10.30 pm. Hee hee!
    Total peace and quiet.
    Bliss!
    Monday, 22 January
    James WP rang again this morning. What is wrong with that man?
    Thankfully Peter answered the phone, because I was out fencing with Dad. When Peter realised who it was, he started singing the Malaysian national anthem (learnt from his friend Xiu), just like I’d asked him to. James hung up.
    Mat is coming to stay for a week tomorrow. Mr and Mrs Sweeney have a veterinary conference in Sydney. Lynette’s staying with Sarah Love.
    Gavin is coming to stay for a few days, too, because he reckons Mat is always good for a laugh. Poor Mat. I hope she’s over the whole wind and diarrhoea trauma, otherwise she’ll be unbearable to live with.
    Tuesday, 23 January
    Mat and Mr Sweeney arrived at seven this morning, with Sheba in the horse float. Mr Sweeney said Sheba couldn’t be left at home on the farm because she has to be given special digestive tablets every morning and night. She’s on a strict diet of fresh grass and oats — no carrots, apples, sugar or any other special treats.
    Mat blushed like a beetroot. I was very sensitive and didn’t mention gas or bowel bacteria or SBDs.
    Sheba seems happy enough here at Hillrose Poo. She’s hanging out in the long grass with Macka, Gunther and the ducklings. The Festering Punks’ music seemed to upset her digestive system at sunset, but the air has been fresh and clear since. Hopefully it will stay that way!
    Sophie, Mat and I have moved our

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