Red Dirt Diary 2

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Authors: Katrina Nannestad
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man as James Welsh-Pearson who had so much money and was a lawyer andlived in Sydney, and Mrs Welsh-Pearson was so kind and generous and had such interesting friends and blah, blah, blah, blabber, blabber, blabber.
    I told Mat that she should marry James Welsh-Pearson if she thought he was so spectacular. Maybe she had a chance with him because, unlike Gavin, he didn’t think she had a problem with emitting toxic gases.
    Mat burst out crying and said some things that were incredibly immature for someone who tries to be so grown up all the time. And then she hung up!
    Why do people get so upset about all this love stuff?
    I JUST DON’T GET IT.
    Tuesday, 16 January
    Had a night out at Hardbake Plains Pub tonight. The grown-ups met to organise the Australia Day picnic race. All of us kids went along and played billiards and darts.
    Miss McKenzie was there and she didn’t look at all miserable. Why was she so upset when she was engaged to James, but now looks as happy as a pig in a pie shop? It’s almost like she’s relieved!
    But what would I know?
    Love is just confusing.
    Mr Cluff spent the whole evening beside Miss McKenzie, smiling and laughing. He was obviously trying to take her mind off things. He’s the kindest man.
    Mat is still mega-embarrassed about the Sheba gas incident and is avoiding Gavin O’Donnell. It’s a shame, because Gavin thinks Mat is great fun. He spent the whole night looking for her.
    Mat spent the whole night slinking behind vending machines and ducking into the Ladies. I told her that she was in and out of the toilets so much that now Gavin probably thinks she has diarrhoea as well as wind. I said I know it’s painful for her to hear these things, but if she’s going to behave in such an immature fashion, someone has to point it out to her. She gave me one of her withering stares.
    Sophie and I beat everyone at darts.
    Wes beat Lynette at billiards, so Nick hit Wes over the head with a billiard stick. Fez hit Nick over the head with the darts board.
    Sunshine, the grumpiest pub owner in Australia, kicked them all out and said they were banned for life.
    Wednesday, 17 January
    Wes and Fez made the Flying Ferals Life-Sized Catapult today. They set it up in the back yard and aimed it at the trampoline. Petal ran away quacking and flapping her wings before they’d even tried it out.
    Wes stood on one end of the catapult, while Fez leapt from the chook shed onto the opposite end. The plank of wood snapped, flew up and smacked Fez in the nose. He fell flat on his back in the stinging nettles.
    Macka the alpaca appeared from nowhere and stood over Fez making a joyful gurgling noise.
    Mum thinks Fez’s nose is broken. She sent him to bed with an icepack and told him not to come out again.
    Does she mean ever ???
    Thursday, 18 January
    Sophie played her Festering Punks CD again today. Gertrude lay on the veranda beneath our bedroom window, wagging her tail and grunting along to the music for over two hours.
    When we played the bagpipes CD tonight, Gerty went psycho. She paced back and forthalong the veranda, frothing at the mouth and squealing.
    I went out to calm her down but she head-butted me through the fly-screen door, back into the kitchen.
    Sophie changed the music to the Festering Punks CD and Gerty settled!!! She stood still and rolled her eyes in delight — just like Mat does when anyone talks about weddings. Finally she lay down for ‘Ugly, Ugly, Ugly World’, bumping her head against the veranda post every time the line, ‘Ugly, ugly, ugly!’ was shouted out across the plains.
    Mum looked out the window at Gertrude and sighed. She wandered off to her bedroom with a cup of tea, mumbling her own thoughts on what was ugly, ugly, ugly.
    A punk rocker pig!
    What a crack-up!

    Friday, 19 January
    â€˜Welcome to My Rubbish Bin’ by Festering Punks blasted across the plains at 7.10 am. Mum is not impressed, but Dad said it’s

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