Read Online Rebuilding Forever by Natalie J. Damschroder - Free Book Online
Authors: Natalie J. Damschroder
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been this happy, either.
She sighed and watched her fingers drifting in a pattern around Seth's belly button. Below that his penis started to lengthen, but she wanted to hash this out before they made love.
"They weren't dreams," Seth said, apparently thinking along the same lines. His hand covered hers, holding it still.
"What do you mean?"
"Memories."
She jerked back to look at him. " Wha-at? "
He nodded but looked amazingly sanguine about it. "That night I was dreaming about--the night you left me. I got pretty messed up."
"You were pretty messed up before I told you I was leaving." It had been part of the reason she'd done it. Her need to escape had been building for a long time, with the band falling apart and hostility from everyone being aimed in her direction, and Seth's focus being entirely on saving Blue Silver or hiding from his fear that he couldn't. He'd been so high that night while he was performing, she couldn't believe he hadn't collapsed on stage.
"It got worse. Julian was there, and I was...just desperate, I guess, for something to get rid of the pain."
"So he gave you a blow job?"
He grimaced and nodded.
"Did it help?"
"Dunno. I didn't remember it afterward, so I suppose you could say it did."
Cassie noticed his erection had reversed itself. He'd been waking up after these memory-dreams ragingly horny, so she assumed his current state meant he was dealing with whatever had caused them to emerge in the first place. But what did "dealing with" entail? Was he...did he want Julian?
"Where's your head?" she asked quietly.
"No fucking idea," he responded with cheer.
She sat up. "What happened today?"
"I freaked out, Julian did what Julian always does and made everything right, and you came home drunk and ready to boff my best mate if it would make me happy."
"God, that sounds like a Telemundo soap opera." She pulled her legs under her and leaned her head on her hands, her elbows on her knees. "I thought we were all straightened out. Two months ago, everything was flying along like--"
"Like an acid trip."
She glowered at him. "Don't make a joke out of this." He looked more relaxed than she'd seen him in a while, maybe since she agreed to marry him. Nothing made sense. She dropped her hands. "Last time I saw you, you commented that I'd changed."
"You have." He shifted so he could reach her hair and started fiddling with it.
"And when you came in today and saw me, you looked terrified."
He shrugged. "You were wearing a dress. With flowers. And you cut your hair."
"And that scared you?" She felt a flutter in her chest and wondered if she was about to have an anxiety attack. This is bullshit. She drew in a very slow, very deep breath, then let it out just as slowly. "Are you having second thoughts about marrying me? Like maybe I'm not who you thought I was?"
"Fuck, no!"
But he said it too quickly for her taste.
"Cass, come on." He propped himself up on one elbow. "Yes, you're different. But you were different last year than you were fifteen years ago. I have loved every...single"--he punctuated each word with a kiss on her shoulder--"incarnation...of Cassie Bryant." His arm snaked around her back, and he pulled her down on top of him.
Half an hour later, Cassie wasn't worried any more.
* * * *
Cassie rolled onto her side to capture the warm breeze coming through the open sliding doors. The moon reflected off the water and made everything glow silver. Her blinks became slower and slower, her mind drifting, until a dark figure appeared in the doorway.
"Jules?" She squinted but couldn't see him any better.
"Shh." He came into the room, his feet bare and silent on the tile floor. The breeze fluttered his open shirt. He'd changed clothes into something more befitting the islands, she thought, and twisted to watch him go around the bottom of the bed.
"Where's Georgie?" she murmured. Her brain didn't seem to want to engage, or her body to move from the soft mattress.
"She's sleeping. She'll
She sighed and watched her fingers drifting in a pattern around Seth's belly button. Below that his penis started to lengthen, but she wanted to hash this out before they made love.
"They weren't dreams," Seth said, apparently thinking along the same lines. His hand covered hers, holding it still.
"What do you mean?"
"Memories."
She jerked back to look at him. " Wha-at? "
He nodded but looked amazingly sanguine about it. "That night I was dreaming about--the night you left me. I got pretty messed up."
"You were pretty messed up before I told you I was leaving." It had been part of the reason she'd done it. Her need to escape had been building for a long time, with the band falling apart and hostility from everyone being aimed in her direction, and Seth's focus being entirely on saving Blue Silver or hiding from his fear that he couldn't. He'd been so high that night while he was performing, she couldn't believe he hadn't collapsed on stage.
"It got worse. Julian was there, and I was...just desperate, I guess, for something to get rid of the pain."
"So he gave you a blow job?"
He grimaced and nodded.
"Did it help?"
"Dunno. I didn't remember it afterward, so I suppose you could say it did."
Cassie noticed his erection had reversed itself. He'd been waking up after these memory-dreams ragingly horny, so she assumed his current state meant he was dealing with whatever had caused them to emerge in the first place. But what did "dealing with" entail? Was he...did he want Julian?
"Where's your head?" she asked quietly.
"No fucking idea," he responded with cheer.
She sat up. "What happened today?"
"I freaked out, Julian did what Julian always does and made everything right, and you came home drunk and ready to boff my best mate if it would make me happy."
"God, that sounds like a Telemundo soap opera." She pulled her legs under her and leaned her head on her hands, her elbows on her knees. "I thought we were all straightened out. Two months ago, everything was flying along like--"
"Like an acid trip."
She glowered at him. "Don't make a joke out of this." He looked more relaxed than she'd seen him in a while, maybe since she agreed to marry him. Nothing made sense. She dropped her hands. "Last time I saw you, you commented that I'd changed."
"You have." He shifted so he could reach her hair and started fiddling with it.
"And when you came in today and saw me, you looked terrified."
He shrugged. "You were wearing a dress. With flowers. And you cut your hair."
"And that scared you?" She felt a flutter in her chest and wondered if she was about to have an anxiety attack. This is bullshit. She drew in a very slow, very deep breath, then let it out just as slowly. "Are you having second thoughts about marrying me? Like maybe I'm not who you thought I was?"
"Fuck, no!"
But he said it too quickly for her taste.
"Cass, come on." He propped himself up on one elbow. "Yes, you're different. But you were different last year than you were fifteen years ago. I have loved every...single"--he punctuated each word with a kiss on her shoulder--"incarnation...of Cassie Bryant." His arm snaked around her back, and he pulled her down on top of him.
Half an hour later, Cassie wasn't worried any more.
* * * *
Cassie rolled onto her side to capture the warm breeze coming through the open sliding doors. The moon reflected off the water and made everything glow silver. Her blinks became slower and slower, her mind drifting, until a dark figure appeared in the doorway.
"Jules?" She squinted but couldn't see him any better.
"Shh." He came into the room, his feet bare and silent on the tile floor. The breeze fluttered his open shirt. He'd changed clothes into something more befitting the islands, she thought, and twisted to watch him go around the bottom of the bed.
"Where's Georgie?" she murmured. Her brain didn't seem to want to engage, or her body to move from the soft mattress.
"She's sleeping. She'll
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