Read Online Racing the Dark by Alaya Dawn Johnson - Free Book Online Page B
Authors: Alaya Dawn Johnson
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turned away abruptly and stared at their drinks. Lana stared back at them, distanced from all the tension in the room. What did it matter, anyway? Tomorrow she and her parents would leave this place and she would probably never see any of them again-these people who knew what had happened to Kali, who knew that she had been visited by her ghost. Her father didn't seem to notice the tension. He was in his element here at Eala's. Today his grin was especially wide as he made his way to the center of the room, where he always sat to play his songs. He took requests that night, and a few others played with him. He looked happy there, and Lana could tell by the look in his eyes that he was dreaming of doing this every day in the city. Her mother looked vaguely ill and, after one last worried glance at her daughter, sat near Kapa and stared into space.
Some of the tension in the room seemed to penetrate Lana's gray haze of indifference. Suddenly feeling awkward and inexpressibly sad, she moved away from her parents and sat near the kitchen in the darkest corner of the room. There was a pitcher of palm wine at the table, nearly untouched by whoever had ordered it. Lana stared at it, vaguely registering the boisterous music her father and his friends were playing. It seemed incredibly inappropriate, somehow. Kali was dead. Lana hadn't been able to move the logs that crushed her friend. They would never be able to keep the pact. A tear seeped out of her eye and was soon absorbed by the wooden table.
She poured herself a glass of palm wine. In the smoky torchlight, its natural golden hue looked luminescent. It looked like liquid fire, something that could burn all thought and emotion from inside her. Though she had never enjoyed the taste of it before, she relished the burning sensation as she poured it down her throat, finishing the cup in nearly one gulp. It felt nice, sitting in her belly like that. She filled her glass again and drank it all. Everything seemed to be going a bit fuzzy around the edges. The light looked brighter and her father's happy music didn't bother her so much anymore. Kali would have loved this. They could have danced together after drinking too much palm wine and then gone running on the beach. Lana always loved doing things like that with Kali.
She poured herself another glass and couldn't help but cry when it seared her throat.
It took Leilani a good two hours before she noticed that her daughter was quietly drinking herself into a stupor in a corner. She was passed out on the table, in fact, by the time Leilani thought to check on her. Suddenly panicked, she rushed to Lana's side and held her head up. Her daughter's eyes opened and she stared at Leilani as though she was trying to determine who precisely she was.
"Mama?" she said.
"Iolana! What are you doing?" Leilani moved the near-empty pitcher from Lana's fumbling reach.
She blinked up at Leilani for a few moments before answering. "Drinking," she said.
"I can see that. Why would you drink this much?"
"I'm an adult. An adult ... you can't stop me."
Leilani suddenly wanted to cry at the despair in her daughter's voice. What had happened to them all? "Lana, baby, I know you are. But why did you drink so much?"
Lana shrugged. "It burned. I thought ... maybe it would burn it all away."
Leilani closed her eyes for a second, and wished for the strength to help her daughter. "Lana, you can't take it away like this. It will just come back, and hurt more than ever. Trust me, I know."
Lana stared at the table for a while, as though intensely fascinated with its rough wooden surface, pitted by years of use.
"Is it my fault, Mama?" she said.
"Is what your fault?" Leilani asked, painfully aware that she already knew the answer.
"Kali ... that she died. She said it wasn't, but ..." Tears were sliding down her cheeks but she didn't seem to be aware of them.
"No, Lana. It wasn't your fault. You did everything you could."
"She said I ease death. I
Some of the tension in the room seemed to penetrate Lana's gray haze of indifference. Suddenly feeling awkward and inexpressibly sad, she moved away from her parents and sat near the kitchen in the darkest corner of the room. There was a pitcher of palm wine at the table, nearly untouched by whoever had ordered it. Lana stared at it, vaguely registering the boisterous music her father and his friends were playing. It seemed incredibly inappropriate, somehow. Kali was dead. Lana hadn't been able to move the logs that crushed her friend. They would never be able to keep the pact. A tear seeped out of her eye and was soon absorbed by the wooden table.
She poured herself a glass of palm wine. In the smoky torchlight, its natural golden hue looked luminescent. It looked like liquid fire, something that could burn all thought and emotion from inside her. Though she had never enjoyed the taste of it before, she relished the burning sensation as she poured it down her throat, finishing the cup in nearly one gulp. It felt nice, sitting in her belly like that. She filled her glass again and drank it all. Everything seemed to be going a bit fuzzy around the edges. The light looked brighter and her father's happy music didn't bother her so much anymore. Kali would have loved this. They could have danced together after drinking too much palm wine and then gone running on the beach. Lana always loved doing things like that with Kali.
She poured herself another glass and couldn't help but cry when it seared her throat.
It took Leilani a good two hours before she noticed that her daughter was quietly drinking herself into a stupor in a corner. She was passed out on the table, in fact, by the time Leilani thought to check on her. Suddenly panicked, she rushed to Lana's side and held her head up. Her daughter's eyes opened and she stared at Leilani as though she was trying to determine who precisely she was.
"Mama?" she said.
"Iolana! What are you doing?" Leilani moved the near-empty pitcher from Lana's fumbling reach.
She blinked up at Leilani for a few moments before answering. "Drinking," she said.
"I can see that. Why would you drink this much?"
"I'm an adult. An adult ... you can't stop me."
Leilani suddenly wanted to cry at the despair in her daughter's voice. What had happened to them all? "Lana, baby, I know you are. But why did you drink so much?"
Lana shrugged. "It burned. I thought ... maybe it would burn it all away."
Leilani closed her eyes for a second, and wished for the strength to help her daughter. "Lana, you can't take it away like this. It will just come back, and hurt more than ever. Trust me, I know."
Lana stared at the table for a while, as though intensely fascinated with its rough wooden surface, pitted by years of use.
"Is it my fault, Mama?" she said.
"Is what your fault?" Leilani asked, painfully aware that she already knew the answer.
"Kali ... that she died. She said it wasn't, but ..." Tears were sliding down her cheeks but she didn't seem to be aware of them.
"No, Lana. It wasn't your fault. You did everything you could."
"She said I ease death. I
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