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Authors: Hearts Restored
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ended in complete massacre on all sides. Of course at that time I was still more boy than girl.”
Daniel had been surprised because Sam Turner was a tenant farmer on the Horden land. It was odd to think of him as a boy playing games with Mother Bel.
Lying stretched out in bed now Daniel probed those early memories. Would his mother object to the navy now that he was a man? It would grieve his father but he was more afraid of grieving her. She loved the three of them being together at Horden Hall and had freely admitted she would weep when he went to Cambridge. So strong a character, so free, so happy as she was she had carried a dreadful cloud about her for much of her youth.
She had become very quiet later that day when he was eight. He had demanded to know why and as always she answered him honestly. “The day I acted the battle with Sam Turner was the same day I caused the fire in the Turner’s haystack for which your father’s twin, the Daniel after whom you were named, was hung like a felon. Grandmother Wilson has told you how it was.”
“Too many times,” he had squeaked out.
“Well, you playing at battles with stick soldiers made me remember and when I do I go quiet.”
“You shouldn’t think about it because it was an accident.”
Then she had laughed and hugged him. “I know but I felt like a killer for a long time. You will never have such a cloud. Always bring your worries into the open, Dan. I had no one to tell and even my dearest friend I couldn’t tell because I thought she would hate me.”
“Who was that?”
“Why, Ursula, your Nana Sula of course.”
“She could never hate anyone.”
“I know. I was a silly lost soul to think so. So Dan, hide nothing away inside you like a canker. I tell you everything about my past. I tell you how I love your father and you. Be the same with us. We are all open books together.”
He could hear her saying the words that day, such aeons ago it seemed. But now he had reached the uncomfortable point in his life when too much openness was an embarrassment. There were tumbled emotions inside him that could not be laid bare because he hardly knew what they were.
He had found he liked looking at the flaunted bosoms of his French cousins though he was sure he disliked the girls themselves, while little mysterious Eunice tiptoed about in his thoughts till he longed to be free of her. His parents should not expect to know his secret hopes and plans. Nor should the things they had suffered in their past lives have any sway over what he did with his. He didn’t want to cause them fresh pain but they had each other. That should be enough.
He turned over seeking a cooler place in the bed. London nights were too warm in June. He was now impossibly wakeful. Recalling that conversation with his mother had set him thinking of home which the whirl of London scenes had thrust far from his mind. How remote it all was! He had hardly given a thought to Nana Sula. Now it hit him hard that Madeline and Diana would see her bustling about the Hall, never without a task in her hands, from polishing silver to weeding the vegetable garden. Yet she ate dinner and supper with the family. How would it be when his cousins were seated around the table too? In this house there was complete separation of the two worlds of family and servants. But Nana Sula was no servant. She was in a saintly world of her own.
Thinking of her he found himself clenching his fists. He would struggle not to slap the girls across their impudent faces if they dared to laugh at her. The sad thing about Nana Sula was that her face was terribly deformed. Her mouth was twisted so that some words were hard for her to say, her chin was practically non-existent and her nose crooked. None of this mattered in the least to those who knew her. They saw nothing but her brilliant blue laughing eyes which spoke love to all humankind. Her real name was Ursula and he had been taught she was his Nanny which in his
Daniel had been surprised because Sam Turner was a tenant farmer on the Horden land. It was odd to think of him as a boy playing games with Mother Bel.
Lying stretched out in bed now Daniel probed those early memories. Would his mother object to the navy now that he was a man? It would grieve his father but he was more afraid of grieving her. She loved the three of them being together at Horden Hall and had freely admitted she would weep when he went to Cambridge. So strong a character, so free, so happy as she was she had carried a dreadful cloud about her for much of her youth.
She had become very quiet later that day when he was eight. He had demanded to know why and as always she answered him honestly. “The day I acted the battle with Sam Turner was the same day I caused the fire in the Turner’s haystack for which your father’s twin, the Daniel after whom you were named, was hung like a felon. Grandmother Wilson has told you how it was.”
“Too many times,” he had squeaked out.
“Well, you playing at battles with stick soldiers made me remember and when I do I go quiet.”
“You shouldn’t think about it because it was an accident.”
Then she had laughed and hugged him. “I know but I felt like a killer for a long time. You will never have such a cloud. Always bring your worries into the open, Dan. I had no one to tell and even my dearest friend I couldn’t tell because I thought she would hate me.”
“Who was that?”
“Why, Ursula, your Nana Sula of course.”
“She could never hate anyone.”
“I know. I was a silly lost soul to think so. So Dan, hide nothing away inside you like a canker. I tell you everything about my past. I tell you how I love your father and you. Be the same with us. We are all open books together.”
He could hear her saying the words that day, such aeons ago it seemed. But now he had reached the uncomfortable point in his life when too much openness was an embarrassment. There were tumbled emotions inside him that could not be laid bare because he hardly knew what they were.
He had found he liked looking at the flaunted bosoms of his French cousins though he was sure he disliked the girls themselves, while little mysterious Eunice tiptoed about in his thoughts till he longed to be free of her. His parents should not expect to know his secret hopes and plans. Nor should the things they had suffered in their past lives have any sway over what he did with his. He didn’t want to cause them fresh pain but they had each other. That should be enough.
He turned over seeking a cooler place in the bed. London nights were too warm in June. He was now impossibly wakeful. Recalling that conversation with his mother had set him thinking of home which the whirl of London scenes had thrust far from his mind. How remote it all was! He had hardly given a thought to Nana Sula. Now it hit him hard that Madeline and Diana would see her bustling about the Hall, never without a task in her hands, from polishing silver to weeding the vegetable garden. Yet she ate dinner and supper with the family. How would it be when his cousins were seated around the table too? In this house there was complete separation of the two worlds of family and servants. But Nana Sula was no servant. She was in a saintly world of her own.
Thinking of her he found himself clenching his fists. He would struggle not to slap the girls across their impudent faces if they dared to laugh at her. The sad thing about Nana Sula was that her face was terribly deformed. Her mouth was twisted so that some words were hard for her to say, her chin was practically non-existent and her nose crooked. None of this mattered in the least to those who knew her. They saw nothing but her brilliant blue laughing eyes which spoke love to all humankind. Her real name was Ursula and he had been taught she was his Nanny which in his
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